


One Night Stand

by TheRavynFire



Series: Bucky & Jade [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), James “Bucky” Barnes Fandom, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Sexual Assault, Bucky attempts to date, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hydra ruins it of course, I suck at tagging, Interracial Relationship, Kidnapping, Minor Violence, Slow Burn, This was an excuse to write Bucky smut (eventually), Trying to cover all my bases here, its awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-06-21 02:59:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 79,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15548109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRavynFire/pseuds/TheRavynFire
Summary: Jade wakes up in a strangers room. A stranger that happens to be Bucky Barnes.





	1. Mr. Metal

_I am never drinking again._

The thought painfully crossed my mind as I came barreling back to consciousness. The pounding that was rocketing back and forth through my head with an intensity that felt like my skull was seconds away from cracking, was enough to make me regret waking up. I should have stayed unconscious, when I was unconscious I didn’t have to deal with a pounding headache, or the nausea that was firmly seated at the back of my throat threatening to send up whatever I had put in my belly last night, or the fact that I felt sore _all over_ , specifically in my hips.

_What the hell did I do last night?_

I was going back to sleep. It was my day off. I worked hard. I deserved rest and I was going to sleep this hangover away. I didn’t bother to open my eyes, rolling over slowly and carefully instead, snuggling into the pillow beneath my head, stretching out my limbs to-

I jerked when I felt something cold and hard beside me. There was a piece of metal in my bed, cold, long, hard, metal. I blinked my eyes open, coming face to- _metal arm?_ I froze, following the metal arm from the relaxed fingers, up the forearm, over to the bicep that was accented with a red star, to its owner, the large and very naked, long haired man with a sheet barely covering his pretty nice ass, lying face down in my bed.

 _Oh wait, this is not my bed_.

My bed was a queen sized bed with soft white sheets and a blue comforter and way too many pillows. This was a much larger bed, king sized, with deep red sheets, a black comforter that was bunched up at the foot of the bed and just two pillows. _Who the hell can only sleep with two pillows?_

I sat up slowly, careful not to disturb my bed companion, taking in the sight of the large room that we were in. It was a mess. There were clothes, mine and his I assumed, strewn across the room, a lamp lay broken on the floor, a desk sat against the opposite wall had a lamp overt turned atop it and small composition notebooks scattered around it on the floor, the accompanying desk chair fallen over. _Did someone come in here and rob the place while we were passed out?_

I looked back down at my bed companion, the stranger. More importantly, _who the hell is this guy?_

I tried to recall the chain of events that had led to me ending up in bed with this stranger, a stranger whose face I still couldn’t see hiding under his long hair, but could tell worked out cause _holy muscles Batman_ , and came up with a big fat blank. The last thing I could recall was clocking out of work, going home to find my roommate already dressed for a night out on the town and listening to her beg me to follow. I had refused, adamantly, and yet here I was, naked in a strangers bed, hung over like I was back in college and it was a regular Friday night, with no idea where I was or who I was with.

_I have got to get out of here._

I moved carefully and slowly, easing out of the bed to not disturb the stranger or my already aching head. I didn’t want to wake him, the last thing that I wanted to deal with right now was the awkward morning after a one night stand where you had to pretend that you would see each other again and that you remembered each other’s names. I tip toed around, first retrieving my under garments from the foot of the bed, my skirt from the floor, my blouse from behind the nightstand, one heel from atop the desk, the other near the door. I pulled my clothes on quickly, thankful that I found my clutch on the floor as well, my money, debit and credit cards, keys and phone still inside. I pulled out my phone, frowning to see that I had 20 text messages. All from my best friend/roommate, ranging from encouragement and praise to worry and panic, starting at 2:00 am and one as recent as 3 minutes ago. I scrolled through them quickly.

2:00 a.m.- **I saw you slip out with that hunk of man meat ;) I am so proud of you!**

2:03 a.m.- **BE SAFE. No raw dogging!**

I rolled my eyes at that term. Like I would let anyone- I hesitated. I couldn’t even remember the previous night. How the hell would I know that we had been safe? I looked up from my phone frantically scanning the rooms floor and nightstands until I saw the evidence of the use of protection, a ripped and empty foil packet, sitting atop the nightstand on his side of the bed. Three of them actually. I blinked. _Damn_. I felt both relieved and impressed by the faceless stranger.

3:39 a.m.- **I’m at Brandon’s. Call me when you’re on the way home so I know he didn’t chop you up into bite sized chunks!**

3:40 a.m.- **Wait did he have a metal arm?**

I stifled a chuckle. Yes. The stranger and apparent sex machine did have a metal arm. What an odd box to check off the ‘I’ve had sex with someone who had’ list. Metal arm. Check.

8:00 a.m.- **Jade?**

9:05 a.m.- **Omg Jade please be alive. Your mother will kill me if you die because I let you go home with a fine ass metal armed stranger!**

10:50a.m **\- Dammit Jade answer your phone!**

10 missed calls followed those texts. I checked the time it was nearly noon.  _Shit_. I was going to go home to one panicked and irritated roommate.

I jumped to my feet quickly, making my head pound harder and the soreness in my body, specifically my hips, flare up. My clutch fell from my hands as my hands instinctively shot up to my aching skull, sending the contents of it scattering across the floor. I froze, eyes darting to the stranger who didn’t even budge, _damn he’s a heavy sleeper, he hasn’t even moved since…wait…please don’t be dead?_ I shook my head at the morbid thought, scolding myself for even thinking it, but still waited until I saw the rise and fall of his muscular back as he breathed in and out, before moving again. I grabbed my belongings, shoving them into the the clutch before bolting for the door, clutch and heels in hand, opening and tip toeing out backwards to make sure he didn’t wake and closed the door quietly-.

“Oh hi…I didn’t realize Bucky had company.”

_Bucky? Who names a kid ‘Bucky’?_

I went still at the voice behind me, turning to find-.

“C-Captain America?” I stuttered looking up into his stunning blue eyes.

He stood directly behind me, dressed in jeans and a red shirt that was probably one size to small because no ones muscles should stand out that much, looking perfect. Even not dressed in his trademark Captain America suit, I knew who he was, I had stared at his poster many times, there was no way I wouldn’t recognize him. He smirked sheepishly. I blushed.

“Call me Steve, please. And you are?” He extended a hand.

 _Doing the walk of shame in front of none other than Captain America himself apparently_. I took the hand that he had offered, shook it once and let it go. “Jade. My name is Jade. And I am going,” I said quickly.

I sidestepped past him as he looked at me with a puzzled smile and realized suddenly where I was. I was in the Avenger’s compound. What gave it away was all the Avengers staring at me from the shared living room. I recognized them all immediately, the black widow was sitting on the couch, relaxed and comfortable in her casual clothes a book in her lap, a surprised, but amused smile on her face. Hawkeye and Falcon were standing near the large pool table at the back of the room, pool sticks in their hands, large teasing smiles on both their faces. I had a feeling that…what did Captain America call him? ‘ _Bucky’_ was going to be getting teased about this as soon as he awoke from his alcohol induced coma. My face flushed with embarrassment.

“Oh my god it’s the Avengers,” I blurted before I could stop myself.

A few ‘hi’s’ rang out although I wasn’t sure from who. I was too busy dying of embarrassment. _Time to go Jade. Now_.

“Uh…nice to uh..meet all of you…have good day- A!- have ‘A’ good day..,” I stuttered quickly, avoiding their amused looks and turning on my heel and walking as quickly as I could without running to the elevator doors. _Wow Jade look at you, impressing the Avengers with your marvelous conversation skills and graceful exit from their teammates room,_ I thought sarcastically _._

I reached the elevator, pushing the button repeatedly until there was the familiar sound of a ding that sent a wave of relief through me. Then the doors opened and I was staring at a surprised Tony Stark. _Oh dear god it’s Iron Man._  The surprise quickly left his face as he surveyed me and a sly smile spread replaced it. He reached out to hold the elevator door open, stepping back to let me in. I’m certain that I was redder than a tomato.

“Hello there, which Avenger did you… _visit_?” He asked with a knowing look, stepping out of the elevator, still not removing his hand, keeping the doors from closing.

 _Oh god_. “Umm…”

“Umm? Wasn’t aware we had an Avenger named ‘Umm’,” Stark chuckled, clearly amused by my embarrassment.

“Bucky?” _That sounds like a question, Jade._ I cleared my throat and spoke again. “I was here with Bucky.”

Stark’s face fell. “Manchurian Candidate? You were here with _him_?”

I felt an eyebrow raise. _Manchurian Candidate?_

“Tony leave her alone,” came a voice from behind him. “Let the poor girl go. I’m sure she wasn’t expecting to meet the whole team this morning.”

It was the black widow and I wanted to hug her. _Yes, please, let the damn doors close. So I can go die of embarrassment in a cab._

Tony scoffed. “This isn’t the whole team. Thor and Bruce aren’t here. Plus, I am just wondering how a beautiful girl like her is doing the walk of shame away from _Barnes_ ’ room,” he replied in disbelief.

I frowned. The black widow approached quickly, removing Tony’s arm from in front of the doors herself, offering me a friendly smile. “Excuse the men here. Some of them have no home training or _manners_ apparently,” she shot Tony a glare. “It was nice to meet you, Jade. Have a good day.”

The elevator doors started to close, much to my relief and the last thing I heard from Tony Stark was, “ _Excuse me Natasha, I am very well trained_.”

* * *

_I am never going drinking with Thor again._

My head was killing me and I was certain death was on its way to take me. Groaning and cursing I rolled over in bed, instantly regretting doing so as pain shot through my skull. There was no way I was removing myself from my bed any time soon. Carefully taking my pillow from behind my head I put into over my face, blocking my eyes from the bright light threatening to drag me completely from unconsciousness before I was damn good and ready.

Beside my bed, someone cleared their throat.

I startled, my eyes snapping open to see Steve standing over my bed with a smirk. “Christ, Steve, announce yourself would ya’?” I grumbled, sitting up slowly and holding my head. “What are you doing in here?”

“Checking on you. Rough night?” He taunted.

“That is the last time I drink anymore of Thor’s asgardian alcohol,” I ran a hand through my long hair with a heavy sigh. “So much for not being able to get drunk.”

I had gotten beyond drunk. I had been plastered. I had underestimated Thor when he had told me that Asgardian alcohol wasn’t for mere men, it was for the mighty ‘gods’. Cockily stating that I was no mere man, I was a super soldier for god sake and could handle it I had foolishly partaken; and combined with the regular alcohol at the bar he had dragged me to and that random shots of the Asgardian brew I was goner. Admittedly it had been nice after such a long time, to drink my problems away, but the consequences were going to kill me. Or atleast that’s how I felt. So much for super soldier enhanced healing against the likes of Asgardian alcohol. 

“Your company just left,” Steve continued ignoring my comments.

I blinked. “Company?” _I brought someone back here? To the compound?_ I looked around my bedroom, taking in the fact that it looked like a tornado had run through it, my clothes from last night strewn across the room, my lamp broken, and my journals which were normally neatly stacked on the desk all over the floor around it. A tornado _had_ come through here. A sex tornado apparently.

“Yeah, a woman of course, young, pretty, curly hair, brown eyes, bout this tall,” Steve put his hand in the air about his chest height. “Said her name was Jade. I’m proud of you, Buck. I thought you’d never get back in the saddle.”

 _Jade_? I tried to think back to the previous nights events, trying to picture this woman that Steve was describing and coming up with a blank. I didn’t remember anything. _What the hell do Asgardians put in their alcohol?_ “Was she…okay?” I asked hesitantly.

Steve hesitated. “Was she okay? You mean did she run screaming from the room in terror?”

“Did she look hurt?” I elaborated with a sigh.

Steve shook his head in bewilderment. “Well she was definitely embarrassed coming out of your room to a room full of Avengers. Stark made some comments to her of course once he found out she was here with you, but overall she was walking normally and looking healthy. Why do you ask that very odd question…?”

I felt a little relief at that and a sudden irritation with Stark. “You know I havent been with anyone since,” I motioned to my metal arm. “I hope to god I didn’t hurt her.”

“Buck, she looked fine,” Steve assured. “Did she leave a number?”

I shrugged looking around the room again for a note or anything and seeing nothing. I did take in the three empty condom wrappers on my nightstand. _Wow_. I suddenly felt smugly proud. “Honestly, Steve, I cant even remember her face or anything from last night.”

Steve’s eyes caught something and he was bending down, picking up what looked like a small slim card and offering it to me. “Well maybe this will help jog your memory.”

It was her ID. It must have fallen out of her bag or something. My eyes took in her picture, she was beautiful, with light brown skin and curly dark hair and bright brown eyes. She had a nice smile. She looked normal. What could have possibly possessed her to go home with a guy like me?

“I should mail this back to her. She’ll need it,” I commented setting the ID down on the nightstand.

“Mail it?” Steve laughed. “Take it to her! It’ll give you an excuse to go see her, obviously you guys were into each other and maybe you can take her on a date.”

It was my turn to frown. I gazed at Steve incredulously. “Who is going to want to date this?” I waved my metal arm at him. “Besides I am sure she was as drunk as I was. That’s the only way she would have gone home with me.”

“You don’t know that. Give yourself a chance for Christ sake, Bucky,” Steve rolled his eyes. “Take her the ID. Be a gentleman. Ask her out for coffee.”

“Why are you so dead set on this?” I grumbled.

“Cause you’ve been out of the ice for months now and you need something more in your life than me and missions. Take the ID to her. Ask her on a date. _Captain’s orders_ ,” Steve replied walking to my bedroom door.

I snorted. “If you think for one second I am going to listen to you just cause people call you Cap-.”

He turned back to me with a warning look that I had seen before. It was a much more intimidating look now that he was 6 foot and 220 pounds of serum enhanced muscle, and not the small guy from Brooklyn who had been 5’4 and maybe a buck-40 wet. “Bucky,” he said simply.

I relented without a fight. He wouldn’t let this go. Steve was annoyingly determined like that. “Fine. I’ll take it to her and ask her out alright? Happy?”

“Estactic,” Steve answered with a smirk. 

* * *

“ _While I am very proud of you for breaking out of your celibate shell and scoring some hot man meat; I am extremely disappointed that you didn’t follow basic best friend one night stand safety etiquette, meaning you text me the address you’re at, the name of the man you’re with and then send follow up texts post coitus and on your way home to let me know you’re alive!_ ”

I was holding the phone nearly an arms length away and I could still hear Iris talking loud and clear as though she were on speaker phone. Once she had finished her motherly, and very loud, rant I put the phone back to my ear.

“Iris, I was so drunk that I don’t even remember what happened last night,” I sighed putting my head against the window. “I didn’t even remember the guys name. Where were you to stop me from this very bad decision? I had to do my walk of shame with the Avenger’s team as an audience.”

“ _You basically just disappeared! Said you were going to get a drink and then I look over and you’re talking to the metal armed guy and **Thor** -one of the Avenger dudes so no surprise about your audience- and I am too impressed to think ‘wow I should stop her’. I thought I’d let you branch out! And then your tongue was down metal armed guys throat and you both seemed to be thoroughly enjoying it and I know you havent been with anyone since Patrick so-_.”

“Christ Iris, when you saw me with my tongue down the mans throat would have been a perfect time to step in! You know that’s not me.”

I tried to imagine that moment, but hadnt even seen the mans face so it was all coming up blank. Shoving my tongue down a strangers throat was definitely not in my character. It had taken me ages to even get up the courage to ask Patrick out and that 5 year long relationship had ended in disaster.

“ _Jade, I just wanted to see you have some fun and-,”_ she paused and I could imagine her doing that little shrug she did when she had no further argument _. “Well you looked like you were having tons of fun with Mr. Metal_.”

 _Mr. Metal_. I rolled my eyes. “Well you cant be mad at me for not following ‘Best friend one night stand safety etiquette’ when you allowed me to go off in an inebriated state with _strangers_!”

Iris sighed. “ _Oh please, one of them was an Avenger. I knew you weren’t in that much danger. But can we move on to more important things_?”

“More important things? Like what?”

“ _The sex, obviously, hello! How was it? I mean come on and give me the tea sis_.”

I put my face into my palm. “Goodbye Iris,” I growled before hanging up.

* * *

_This is dumb_.

I stood outside of the apartment complex that was listed on Jade’s ID as her address. The sun was close to setting and while I had wanted to bring the ID as soon as possible to just get it out of the way, Steve thought it would be a brilliant idea to wait till close to dinner time to use that as an excuse to take her out. And so I stood outside the apartment building in my best jeans and a dark blue shirt and black leather jacket over it and my heart pounding so hard I was sure it was going to burst right out of my chest. I walked into scary and dangerous situations every week for a living and this was what got my heart pounding in fear. I wasn’t good at this, not since…well not since I’d lost my damn arm and had been turned into a brain washed assassin. I hadnt taken a girl out since the 1940’s and back then I had two arms and was a normal guy who didn’t know about 50 ways to kill someone in a second and could sleep through the night without waking up screaming in a cold sweat with the lingering feeling of warm blood on my hands.

 _This is really dumb_ , I thought again.

But still my feet moved and I entered the building, glancing at the ID clutched tightly in my fist once more to find her apartment number. I took the stair case up to the third floor, feeling my jaw set as I approached the door. _Knock. Give her the ID. Be nice. Be a gentleman. DON’T BE WEIRD_ , I huffed at my own thought. _Ask her out. Fully expect her to say no and be okay with that and go home and tell Steve his plan failed. Move on with my life_. I nodded to my own plan and stopped right at the apartment door, knocking carefully with my metal fist. The last thing I needed was to break the damn door down.

I could hear footsteps and laughter approaching the door and it opened quickly. I didn’t even hear the turn of a lock. A young woman stood there, mixed, pretty, long braided hair, smiling nervously, but she was definitely not Jade. She looked nothing like the photo on the ID. Was I at the right apartment?

“Mr. Metal,” she breathed as she seemed to recognize me, her smile widening.

 _Mr. huh?_ “Excuse me?” I frowned.

“Jade! Someone’s here for you!” She ignored me, calling over her shoulder before beckoning me into the apartment with a wave of her hand.

I stepped in cautiously, finding myself in a nicely decorated living room and spotting the woman I had spent the night with, but had no recollection of, rising from the couch. She was dressed in a tank top and fuzzy mint green pajama bottoms that had penguins wearing scarves on them, her curls were pulled back into a unkempt pony tail, and she held a bowl of ice cream in her hand. Plain vanilla by the smell of it. Her eyes scanned me from head to toe and back up, widening when she realized who I was. My heart skipped a beat when her beautiful bright brown eyes locked with mine.

“Bucky?” She breathed in disbelief.

Hearing her say my name sent an unexpected throb through me that was accompanied by a flash of memory, one of her beneath me, face contorted in pleasure, my name coming off of her lips in that breathy voice echoed in my mind. I tensed and realized that I had been silent too long. It was bordering on creepy. _Say something for god sake!_

“Uh…hi...”

_Smooth Barnes. Real smooth._

 

 

 


	2. Mystery Man

_Mr. Metal is in my apartment._

_In my living room._

_And my god is he good looking._

He was tall, much taller than me, and his long dark hair nearly reached his very broad shoulders. Stubble lined his squared jaw and those blue eyes of his were peering right into me. I felt breathless, staring at this man who I had spent the night with and I barely knew his name. I tensed when I realized that he had actually spoken and I had been too busy staring at his unnervingly handsome face and captivating blue eyes to hear what he had said.

“W-What?” I stuttered forcing myself to focus.

“I said I brought your ID,” he held it up in his flesh hand so I could see it. “It’s how I knew where you lived. You must have dropped it when we were-,” he broke off suddenly glancing at Iris who was watching this awkward interaction with crossed arms and great amusement. He cleared his throat and finished. “When you left the compound.”

“Oh,” I took a hesitant step toward him, reaching out and taking it as he offered it. “Thank you. You didn’t have to…I mean- thank you.” I felt flustered. And I did not like it. _Get it together Jade._

“It was no problem,” he said shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket.

The awkward tension in the air was even thicker as silence fell and I could only continue to stare. What was I supposed to do now? Apologize for slipping out without saying goodbye? I had never had a one night stand before and to my understanding you didn’t really see your one night stand again. He definitely wasn’t supposed to show up in your apartment looking like a snack when you were wearing your favorite fuzzy penguin pajamas that your mom had given you as a Christmas gift and your hair was a hot mess.

“Well this is awkward!” Iris piped up as the silence carried on. If looks could kill she would have dropped dead instantly as I shot daggers at her. She smiled innocently. “I am going to go in my room to finish studying and put my headphones in…so you guys can talk.”

My heart sped up as I watched her offer Bucky a wave and turn for her room after passing me a wink. She couldn’t just leave me with him! She put a hand up over the side of her face to block her mouth from Bucky’s view and mouthed something that looked a lot like “fuck him”. _She cannot be serious_. I scowled at her and she smiled wider. I watched her disappear down the hallway and into her room, the door closing loudly. _Im going to kill her_. I turned back to Bucky, catching his blue eyes still on me, a hint of a smile on his lips. I nervously wrung my hands.

“Is she your sister or…?” He questioned.

“No, Iris is my best friend and roommate. We’ve been friends since we were kids so she may as well be my sister,” I chuckled nervously. _God why is this so awkward?_

“Oh… she’s… nice,” he commented with a nod.

“Yeah and has zero filter,” I added.

His head tilted slightly and he looked at me curiously as though he didn’t understand the reference. “Zero filter?”

“Oh… I just mean that she says whatever she wants whenever she wants with zero regard for how it might affect others,” I elaborated. I felt surprised that he didn’t understand the reference.  _How old is this guy?_

He nodded again. “Oh. Right. Zero filter.”

I was laughing softly again because I had no idea what else to do. 

“So I was wondering,” Bucky cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. “Do you…do you want to..?”

My eyebrows rose as he trailed off. “Do I want to…?” _Die of awkward tension overload right now? Yes, promptly please._

He looked at me hesitantly. “Go get something to eat?” I saw his shoulders tense. “With me?” He added in unnecessarily.

I froze at the question, feeling my face fall into surprise. This was definitely not one night stand standard procedure. I didn’t even know the guy, even though he had seen me naked already and we had had sex, three times apparently. And while he seemed nice enough from what I could gather from being sober and around him for 5 minutes, I had just ended a long term relationship and definitely was not looking to date any-.

“She would love too!”

I jumped at the sound of Iris’ voice bellowing from the hallway, turning to find her peeking her head out of her bedroom. I sent more daggers her way and gave her a ‘what the hell’ look. She shrugged in return, that annoying amused smile still on her face. So much for her putting in headphones. I looked back at Bucky, who was fully smiling now, it brightened his whole face, made his rugged looks a little softer. _God he’s handsome_.

“Yes, I would love too,” I couldn’t very well say no now, that would be rude and he’d come all this way to bring my ID. “Just give me a minute to change? Don’t think you want to be seen with me in my Mr. Flipper pajamas.”

His blue eyes looked downward, taking in my bottoms before that smile turned to a sly smirk and his shoulders came up in a shrug. “I think they’re cute.”

I felt my cheeks flame. _Mr. Metal is a bit of a flirt._ “Thanks…uh…just have a seat and I’ll be right out.”

He nodded and took a seat on our old coach which groaned loudly under his weight, he looked startled for just a second before smiling at me sheepishly. I turned on my heel and headed down the hallway to my bedroom, not surprised at all to already find Iris in my room going through my closet with a frown.

“Your clothes are so unsexy,” she shook her head. “I’ll get you a dress from my closet.”

“No. Don’t. And have I mentioned that I hate you and I need a new roommate?” I brushed past her reaching into my closet for a pair of jeans and a casual top to accompany it that made her roll her eyes. I started stripping quickly.

“You don’t hate me you love me. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have met Mr. Metal and got dicked down like you needed and now you have an opportunity to do it again and remember it this time,” she grabbed a different top from the closet, a low cut black one that would definitely show too much cleavage and took the other out of my hands to replace it. I frowned at her, but put it on anyway. Fighting her was pointless at times. “You’re welcome.”

“You mean for the second night in a row, I am a caught in a situation that is not the norm for me, with a man that I don’t even know, when I am not looking to date, _because of you_ ,” I growled at her pulling on my jeans.

“Look, you need to be dating so you can stop pining over He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” Iris shrugged. “Mr. Metal can help you with that via his penis.”

I rolled my eyes walking into my bathroom and pulling my hair from it’s pony tail, I had no time to put effort into it and started to pull it up into a bun. “I am not sleeping with him. I’m being nice because he returned my ID and is saving me a trip to the DMV. We’re gonna go eat. I am going to let him down easy and I am coming home. I am not looking for a relationship or casual sex.”

Iris sighed leaning in the doorway. “Fine, suit yourself.”

* * *

I had fully expected her to say no. Honestly, I had expected her to kick me out of her apartment the moment she had seen me. What I had not expected was to find myself sitting in a nearly deserted diner a short walking distance from her apartment, in a booth across from her after ordering breakfast for dinner, something that seemed silly and I had no idea you could do. Apparently she was a regular here, the staff greeting her by name when she came in and sat down in ‘her’ booth, asking her where Iris was, and who I was. ‘Just a friend’ she had said rather quickly, offering me a nervous smile, a blush on her cheeks. And so here I sat about to eat pancakes, eggs, and bacon, with a beautiful girl at almost 8:00 pm and wondering just what the hell I was doing. I didn’t know what the end game was here, I highly doubted she would want to date me once she knew the real me and was I ready to date? Just because Steve thought so didn’t mean I was. I had too much baggage, and the threat that HYDRA would come back for me was always in the back of my mind. How could I put anyone in that kind of danger-.

“Bucky?”

I blinked. My head snapping up to find her gazing at me with an arched eyebrow. She must have said something. I had gotten lost in thought. “Yeah?”

“I asked if your name was really Bucky?” She repeated curiously.

“Oh. No. It’s uh…it’s James,” I answered putting my elbows on the table and crossing my arms.

She seemed surprised by that answer. “So how do you get ‘Bucky’ from James?”

“You don’t,” I replied. “You get it from Buchanan which is my middle name.”

“Your first name is James. Middle name is Buchanan and your last name is...”

“Barnes. It’s Barnes.”

“Oh,” she said a smile crossing her lips. “So you’re James Buchanan Barnes?”

Hearing her say my full name made my heart skip a beat, something that was so foreign it made me a little uncomfortable. But I liked how it sounded coming from her lips. I felt a smile on my face matching her own. “Yeah, I’m James Buchanan Barnes.”

She nodded, absorbing that information. “I like it. It’s a strong name…Can I call you James?”

I hesitated. Nobody, but my mother had called me James, but for her I found myself saying, “Yes, you can.”

Her smile widened a bit and I found mine growing to see hers doing so. She tucked a loose curl that had strayed from her bun behind her ear and shifted in her seat. “Well I’m Jade Marie Johnson,” she offered touching her chest. “Since we’re sharing full names.”

“I like your name,” I admitted.

She was blushing again, her eyes falling as though keeping my gaze was hard. “Thank you.”

 _This is actually okay_ …she hadn’t run screaming from the building or anything. She was smiling, engaging, blushing. Maybe I wasn’t so bad at this.

She took a deep breath, looking up at me tentatively. “James, about last night…”

 _Uh oh_. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly cutting her off. “If I hurt you or did anything weird or… made you uncomfortable. I haven’t been with anyone since…” I trailed off I didn’t want to tell her who I _really_ was, or who I had been. I didn’t want to scare her off. “Well I haven’t been with anyone for a long time so I’m… rusty when it comes to all of this.”

She leaned in towards me shaking her head with a slight frown. “You didn’t hurt me…well I don’t think you did… I really can’t remember a thing about last night. And you clearly didn’t make me uncomfortable judging from the multiple condom wrappers I saw I think I would have stopped you if I didn’t like something and not let you do it a second or third time…”

I resisted the temptation of letting a proud smile cross my face. “Well good… and if I’m being honest I can’t remember anything either.”

“It’s a little unsettling to sit across from someone who has seen you naked and remember nothing about it,” she admitted with a small laugh.

“Yeah, it is,” I agreed.

“But what I was going to say before is that I don’t normally do… _that_ …”

“Me either.”

“And if I’m being honest too I’m not really looking for anything relationship wise.”

I felt a little relief, suddenly the pressure seemed to alleviate. “I’m not really either. My buddy Steve kind of forced me into this.”

She gave a relieved sigh and laughed a little again. It was like music to my ears. “Well you see how Iris is. She practically threw me into your arms.”

I laughed, genuinely. It felt good. “Some friends we have huh?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. “So… how about… we just be friends then? No expectations or obligations or anything from last night. Just friends.”

I hesitated again. I didn’t really have friends. I had Steve and people I knew, but again for her I found myself nodding. “Yeah, friends sounds good.”

* * *

I felt a weight lift from my shoulders almost instantly. He was cool with just being friends, meaning no pressure and no obligations. We could just be friends with no expectations. Friends who had seen each other naked and who had, had sex multiple times, but friends. Luckily neither of us remembered the nakedness or the sex so it lessened the awkwardness of the situation just a fraction. I knew Iris was going to be upset, she had made her irritation with my unwillingness to date, get laid, and ‘move on from that douchebag’ quite clear. But even though Bucky and I had already had sex, even though the man was a walking snack, even though I found him charming and when he smiled (something I was certain he didn’t do very often, because every time he did he looked surprised himself for a just a second) I felt my heart flutter, I was still not ready to date. My disastrous ending with Patrick was still too fresh.

“So my new friend James, what’s your super power then?” I asked him after our food had arrived and silence had fallen over us.

He looked up at me, a fork full of eggs poised in front his mouth. “My what?”

“You’re an Avenger right?”

“Not…exactly.”

“So you don’t have a super power then?”

“Not…really, no.”

“Oh…but you live at the Avengers compound?” I finished cutting up my pancakes into messy squares.

“Yeah, well that’s because of Steve.”

“Is your super power the-,” I broke off and nodded at his metal arm.

He looked down at it and shook his head. “No. It’s just…a replacement for the arm I lost.”

I felt like a jerk suddenly for bringing up something that was obviously a sore subject and steered the conversation away from it. “So…what do you do then?”

He looked uncomfortably hesitant, like he didn’t want to tell me. Then a hint of a smile played at his lips and he scooped up more eggs with his fork. “If I tell you then I’ll have to kill you.”

“Ohhh so it’s top secret then?” I asked playfully. I got the feeling that it really wasn’t something he wanted to share.

He nodded, a smile spreading across his handsome face. “Exactly.”

 _Okay then metal armed mystery man_. He didn’t have to tell me. _No obligations or expectations. Just friends._ “Fine, don’t tell me then,” I taunted with a smile taking a bite of pancakes.

He wiped his mouth with his napkin and changed the subject. “And what do you do Jade?”

“I’m a nurse. I started out doing trauma in the emergency room, but that got too…heavy…so now I work in pediatrics.”

“Pediatrics…meaning you work with kids right?”

“Yeah. Do you like kids?”

He hesitated again, he did that a lot, as though he had to carefully think about everything that he said to me. “Yes. I do.”

“Do you have any?”

He shook his head quickly. “No. No kids.”

“Do you want to?

Again, he paused, his eyes looking downward before he shrugged. “Maybe? In my line of work attachments aren’t exactly a good thing.”

“You mean in your top secret line of work?” I asked teasingly trying to lighten the mood that suddenly seemed very tense with all my nosy questions. _Am I flirting with him?_

He chuckled. “Yeah, my top secret line of work.”

“You’re a real mystery man, James,” I lifted my glass of water to my lips and sipped it looking up at him through my lashes. _Oh this is definitely flirting._

“I guess so, Jade.” He smiled again and this time it reached his eyes putting an extra spark in the blue and I felt a blush in my cheeks.

* * *

We finished our meal with more small talk and without any uncomfortable silences. She told me about her parents, who lived in Maine, and who she regularly visited and talked too. She told me about how she had met Iris, who was studying to take the BAR exam and become a lawyer, in grade school and how they had instantly become friends and had been nearly inseparable ever since. She told me about how much she loved her job and the kids she worked with. And I sat there quietly, eating up every word she said, nodding to show I was listening and enjoying seeing her eyes light up as she spoke, feeling a warmth in my chest. I let her do most of the talking and she let me, not asking me too many more questions about my past which I was thankful for because I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to see that look of fear in her eyes when she realized I was the Winter Soldier, that I had murdered people, that I had done terrible things. I liked her and I wanted her to like me. I didn’t want her to know I was a nearly 100 year old super soldier and ex brain washed assassin who could be triggered into a killing machine with a simple set of words.

Before I knew it we were outside, circling the block around her apartment building for the 4th time because it seemed she was in the middle of a story whenever we reached the buildings door and we both looked at each other with a silent ‘one more time around the block wouldn’t hurt’ look before continuing our walk. When we reached her door the 5th time her story was finished and I was admittedly disappointed when she came to a stop looking at me timidly.

“Well…this is me…for the 5th time,” she chuckled.

“Yeah it is. Did you want me to walk you to your door?” I asked looking up at the building.

She shook her head. “Oh no, it’s fine. Those stairs are really hard on the knees,” she tucked that stubborn loose curl behind her ear again, something I found ridiculously cute. “I’m sorry I rambled so much.”

“Oh no, doll, don’t be,” I said brushing her statement off with a wave. “I like listening to you talk.”

She was blushing again, her eyes down before she was looking back up at me with a small smile. “I had a good time, James. I’m glad that we’re gonna be friends.”

I could hear Steve’s voice in my head, remembering the words he had said to me as I was leaving the compound. ‘ _Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there Buck! At least ask for her number_ ’. I still couldn’t believe how our roles had been reversed, at one point it had been me with the never ending possibility of dates and coaching him on how to pick up women: and now he had a girlfriend, Sharon Carter, and it was me that needed the coaching and he was trying to set me up. It was embarrassing.

I cleared my throat and prepared to put myself out there and for the inevitable rejection. “Me too...maybe we could do this again sometime…as friends…” I added quickly.

To my surprise she nodded. “Yeah, I would like that…give me your cell.”

I frowned at her. “My what?”

She looked up at me dumbfounded. “Your cellphone…you have one right?” She laughed. “Don’t tell me you are the only guy on the planet without one.”

 _She means your portable phone Barnes, that thing Steve gave you. Way to let her know how ancient you really are,_ I scolded myself pulling out the small electronic rectangle from my pocket. I had only taken it because Steve insisted I needed one. I still barely knew how to work the damn thing. I handed it to her, feeling a nervous smile on my face as her thumbs moved quickly on the screen and then she was handing it back, looking down I saw her name and number on the screen.

“I saved my info in your contacts…so text me…” she shrugged casually.

 _Text her? What the hell does that mean?_ I would have to ask Steve later, if I let on that I didn’t know what ‘text me’ meant then she’d know I was an old man for sure. “Okay, I will…text you…” I tried to smile like I knew what the hell I was talking about.

She looked a little confused, but nodded and smiled, surprising me again when she came towards me, her hand coming to rest on my chest. She used me as a brace, rising on her tip toe and brushing her full lips across my stubbly cheek with a chaste kiss, coming dangerously close to my lips. I tensed, but also felt something stir inside of me, something that had heat flooding me and my heart stuttering in my chest. I felt my eyebrows go up, unable to hide the surprise as I watched her drop back down to her heels, blushing and grinning.

“Goodnight James.”

She turned quickly before I could think of anything to say, entering the building before disappearing up the stairs to her apartment.

* * *

“That sounds a lot like a date.”

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. “I know! It wasn’t supposed to be. We agreed to be friends and I was going to use that as an opportunity to just ghost him and I don’t know what happened.”

“And it sounds like you might be going on a second date.”

I frowned at Iris, watching her eat my left over pancakes that I hadnt finished, sinking further into the couch. “We agreed to just be friends,” I repeated.

“Friends that are dating apparently,” Iris smirked.

“I thought we both had been clear. And then I was flirting and giving him my number and kissing his cheek-.”

“Uh, Jade, news flash: Mr. Metal is hot. I don’t blame you for flirting and stuff. I mean drunk you had your tongue down his throat after knowing him for like twenty minutes so sober you is being real reserved.”

“I don’t want to date. Dating is complicated. I don’t need that in my life right now especially not after Pat-.”

Iris held up her hand stopping me. “Don’t you dare mention He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named right now. You just had a good time with a new and very different man and we are focusing on that. You like Mr. Metal don’t you?”

“Well…yeah…he’s good looking and once he comes out of his shell he’s pretty charming, kinda mysterious though. He wouldn’t tell me what he really does with the Avengers and the man had one contact in his phone and it was Captain America, but over all he’s decent.”

“Good then you’re gonna keep being ‘friends’,” she paused to accent the word with air quotes and a dramatic roll of her eyes so I knew just how ridiculous she found it. “Keeping going on ‘not dates that really are dates’ and just see what happens. Maybe you and Mr. Metal will decide to be more than friends and boink again. But if anything he’ll be a nice distraction from that douchebag you-know-who.”

I sighed. “Fine. If he does text me. I’ll text him back.”

“Good,” Iris smiled proudly. “Apparently there’s hope for you yet.”


	3. A Fallen Comrade

My face was starting to hurt from all the smiling. It had been so long since I had been in a good mood about anything. It was all missions and therapy and training and the gym and now there was a girl, and she liked _me_. I could tell from the way that she blushed around me, and smiled, and flirted and when she had put her hand on my chest and leaned in I had sworn that she was going to really kiss me. I had been a little disappointed when she hadn’t.

I was back at the compound quicker than I realized, lost in my thoughts, my time with Jade replaying over and over in my head. Steve was waiting for me the moment I stepped off the elevator, making the smile leave my face when I saw him leaning against the wall near my bedroom. _How long had he been standing there?_ He straightened when he saw me approaching, I could practically see the excitement and anxiety coursing through him, his blue eyes wide with expectation and impatience.

“So?” He called before I had barely stepped off the elevator, alerting Natasha who came walking out of the common area to look at me expectantly as well.

I rolled my eyes at the both of them. I was not going to gush about my “date” like a school girl. I willfully played ignorant moving past them both without a word, going to my bedroom door and opening it. They both followed to my irritation. I sat on the edge of my bed and shed my leather jacket and boots. Steve and Natasha stood near the door looking at me impatiently

“So?” Steve repeated crossing his arms.

“So what?” I asked with a frown.

Natasha and Steve shared an eye roll. “How was the date Barnes?” Natasha questioned.

“It wasn’t a date.”

“She said no?” Steve visibly deflated, his features going to disappointment and then to sympathy. “Ah Bucky, I’m sorry. You were gone so long I thought for sure that she had let you take her out.”

“No, we went to eat,” I said. “We had breakfast for dinner. Apparently that’s a thing. It was pretty good.”

Steve’s smile returned, big and proud, like I was his son and I just successfully gone on my first date due to his fatherly advice. “See! I told you she liked you,” he turned to Natasha. “You owe Sam $20.”

I scowled at the both of them as Natasha sighed in defeat. “You bet on whether or not she would go eat with me?”

“I didn’t,” Steve said shaking his head. “But they did.”

I huffed. “Glad you get so much enjoyment and monetary value out of my relationships.”

“So there is a relationship?” Natasha probed with an arched eyebrow.

“Well she went to eat with me when I asked her too,” I started.

“Good. Good. And then?” Steve urged.

“And then she said she just wanted to be friends,” I continued.

Steve was frowning and Natasha was still gazing at me with that calculated look, like I was giving her important intel on a mission. “Well atleast you put yourself out there and you had a nice night with her and it’s a start. You dipped your feet in,” Steve said determinedly, always trying to see the positive in all situations.

“Let me finish will ya’?” I grumbled rising back to my feet. “Then she flirted with me and gave me her number and kissed me on the cheek.”

Steve’s eyebrows went up. “Oh.” His gaze turned to the only expert we had on the subject of women, Natasha. “Nat? Input?”

She shrugged. “Women are complicated, maybe she was hesitant at first and worried because you guys have already done it. She probably just didn’t want you to expect anything.”

“Expect anything like what?”

“More sex obviously. But her giving you her number in the end is a good sign. She let her guard down. Pretty sure she likes you. If she didn’t she wouldn’t have given you her number, definitely wouldn’t have flirted.”

I tried to hide how good that made me feel, keeping my face blank. I wanted her to like me, but there was still the ever present thought of potential danger in the back of my mind. What if she got hurt because of me? What if _I_ hurt her? I wasn’t lying when I had said that attachments weren’t a good thing. HYDRA had nearly taken everything from me and there was no guarantee that they wouldn’t come to do it again. Liking her made me vulnerable and her a target. Even as just her friend she was in danger, just knowing me put her at risk. Those thoughts dragged me kicking and screaming right back into my normal bad mood. Who was I kidding? I couldn’t date. I couldn’t be anyone’s friend. Anyone close to me would get hurt.

“What’s on your mind, Buck?” Steve asked with a pointed look.

I sighed. “She’s in danger every time shes near me and I shouldn’t risk her like that. I can’t.”

Steve and Natasha shared another look, Steve turning his gaze back on me, his face set in that ‘you’re about to get a speech’ look. “Bucky, you deserve to live your life, after everything that HYDRA has done to you-.”

“Which is exactly why I should stay away from her, because of everything HYDRA has and can do to me. They’re still a threat. And I don’t want to risk it. So it was nice while it lasted, but it’s done,” I said definitively. I had made up my mind. I wouldn’t put her in that kind of danger. I wouldn’t let her get hurt because of me. “Thanks for the encouragement. Now will ya’ get out of here so I can shower?”

Steve frowned at me, but nodded after a long look following Natasha to the door.

“Oh hey, what does ‘text me’ mean,” I called making him halt.

Steve smirked. “It’s like sending an electronic letter through the phone. People talk back and forth like that a lot during the day. It’s how they keep in touch. Why?”

“Jade asked me to do that when she gave me her number,” I answered with a sigh. “Doesn’t matter now, but I was just wondering. I had to smile and nod like I knew what the hell she was talking about.”

Steve and Natasha laughed. I was not amused. 

* * *

The first 3 days after my ‘not a date’ with Bucky I had been anxious for his text, checking my phone periodically, my heart skipping a beat every time it went off and I was ashamed at how disappointed I was whenever it wasn’t him. Iris had said he was probably trying to play it cool, not to worry, that he would text me; and then 3 more days had passed and then a week and a week and a half and I knew that he wouldn’t. I felt silly for how upset that I really was. I had to admit to myself that I had ended up liking the mystery man after all, despite my not wanting to date and all my reservations. And here I was ghosted and disappointed in the end.

”I should have known when he didn't really talk about himself very much or tell me about his past or what he really does with the Avengers,” I shook my head at my own stupidity. “Here I was rambling the whole night and putting myself out there like a fool and he was planning to ghost me all along. No wonder he acted like he didnt know what the hell a cellphone was. He didnt want to take my number down anyway. I thought he was just being funny! This is exactly why I didn’t want to date. This exact situation right here. I put myself out there and then _he_ ghosts **me** after my plan was to ghost him!” I sighed.

Iris shrugged. “It happens. They cant all be winners. At least you got sex out of it?”

“Oh you mean the sex I don’t remember so may as well not have happened?” I countered.

Iris frowned slightly. “Yeah…you got diddly then. Sorry best friend that really sucks. BUT you live and you learn and you move on to other men. Who knows, maybe you’ll pick up a hot single dad on the field trip today?”

“No, no single dads, no men. I am going back to celibacy and focusing on work. If I want to be promoted to Charge Nurse in pediatrics I have to really prove myself before I apply for the position,” I said putting my hands up. “I can’t have any distractions. So it’s a good thing James faded himself out.”

“Fine. No distractions,” Iris agreed. “Until you land that job, which you totally will, and you know it, and then we will go celebrate! And by celebrate I mean you can have casual sex again.”

“You’re impossible Iris,” I passed her a dramatic eye roll.

“Plus it means more single dads for me,” she joked with a wink.

We were accompanying Iris’s twin nephews on their field trip to the Smithsonian Institute today due to the fact that Iris’s brother couldn’t attend nor could his wife. While I was an only child, Iris had a brother and sister, both with kids and as I had been Iris’s best friend for the majority of her life I knew her siblings and their children well and was considered a part of Iris’s family, the kids even called me Auntie Jade. So it was no surprise that Iris asked me to tag along, to keep her lack of a filter in check around the kids and to help wrangle them in. I was kind of excited as I had never been to the Smithsonian despite living in New York for most of my life and I enjoyed spending time with the kids.

I was put in charge of a group of boys that included Iris’s nephew Dominic and four other boys from his class all ranging from 6-8 years old and of course the only thing they wanted to see in the museum was the Captain America exhibit. I made them save it for the last thing we would see before we had to regroup with the rest of the class, taking them to the dinosaurs and other prehistoric exhibits, which they breezed through quite impatiently before I finally relented and said we could head to the Captain America exhibit. They took off in an excited run, leaving me to chase after them, yelling for them to ‘walk!’, thankful that the Smithsonian wasn’t too busy that Tuesday afternoon.

I caught up to the boys just as they reached the exhibit, hearing my phone ding and following them distractedly checking my messages until they stopped at the Howling Commandos display, awwing and oohing at the suited mannequins on display before dashing off to the large blank wall where a projector was playing real footage of Captain America and his team. The boys took a seat on the benches, captivated by the footage, eyes wide and entranced and I stood behind them, checking my emails, going through and deleting the junk mail until something caught my eye that made me do a double take.

I nearly dropped my phone as I saw Bucky on the black and white projected image, standing next to Steve Rogers, smiling, laughing, his arm around Steve’s shoulder. His hair was much shorter, cut close to the head, and his face was clean shaven, he looked a tad bit younger than he did now, but it was him. It was definitely him. And he had both of his arms. _What the…_ The image disappeared and I looked around quickly for anything else on Bucky, to confirm that I was really seeing what I was seeing and was not crazy; startling when I saw a large glass structure with Bucky’s image on it and a paragraph of information, the words ‘ _A fallen comrade_ ’ scrawled across the top.

I walked dazedly toward it as the boys jetted off to look at a display of things that were in Captain America’s tool belt, already reading the paragraph before I reached the display.

 

** James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes **   
_Born in 1916, Barnes grew up the oldest child of four. An excellent athlete who also excelled in the classroom. Barnes enlisted in the Army shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. After winter training at Camp McCoy, Wisconsin, Barnes and the rest of the 107th shipped out to the Italian front. Captured by Hydra troops later that fall, Barnes endured long periods of isolation, depravation, and torture. But his will was strong. In an ironic twist of fate, his prison camp was liberated by none other than his childhood friend Steve Rogers, now Captain America.  
_

_Reunited, Barnes and Rogers led Captain America’s newly formed unit, The Howling Commandos. Barnes marksmanship was invaluable as Rogers and his team destroyed Hydra bases and disrupted Nazi troop movements throughout the Europe Theater._   
** **

**Bucky Barnes**  
1917-1944

  
I looked up at the picture of Bucky again feeling my stomach sink. 

_Oh my god I slept with a nearly hundred year old man._

_How the hell is he still alive?!_

I felt my hand cover my mouth, my eyes still wide until I heard someone approaching behind and Iris’ familiar voice.

“Oh the boys dragged you here too? They’ve been begging to come over here since we- HOLY SHIT IS THAT MR. METAL?”

Behind us there was a chorus of gasps from small children and a small voice called out, “Oooooh Ms. Iris said a bad word!” 


	4. Stranger Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There’s a Stranger Things spoiler in here for season 2...its in the first paragraph of Jade’s POV in the third sentence so fair warning. Also there’s some russian in this chapter. I dont speak russian so I left the translations up to google translate and if theyre wrong I apologize lol

“Look alive Barnes, we’re five minutes out from the compound.”

I didn’t bother to open my eyes or remove myself from where I laid across the seats of the Quinjet. I grunted a response to show Natasha I acknowledged what she had said and put my flesh arm over my face to shield my eyes. I had spent the last week and a half with her in a tiny remote Russian village, posing as newly weds on a very odd honeymoon, which just so happened to be ten minutes away from a newly formed Hydra base that we promptly infiltrated and destroyed. The mission was supposed to take two weeks, but Natasha and I were an efficient team, and we were returning early. I was happy to be going back to the compound, back to regular running hot water, decent food and my bed.

I had welcomed the mission as a distraction from the situation with Jade, able to keep my mind away from thoughts of her for most of the mission, it wasn’t until I was lying on my cot in the dark at night, trying and failing to sleep that she crossed my mind. Our ‘date’ replaying over and over in my head, the sound of her laugh, the light in her eyes when she talked about something that excited her or made her happy, the blush that touched her cheeks when I dared to flirt, but most of all the way my name rolled so sweetly off her tongue. I liked her. She made me _feel_ things, things that I had thought I’d never feel again. And while there was no guarantee that it would work out between us, it had still been nice to find someone who didn’t seem terrified or nervous in my presence, who didn’t know the terrible things I had done and seemed to like me. I had thought about texting her once or twice after asking Natasha to show me how and what to do in case I needed to text someone in the future, but couldn’t have if I wanted too. It was too dangerous while on a mission, the message could be intercepted and she would be in real danger then and it also would have put Natasha and I at risk. I knew that I was doing the right thing, even if I didn’t like it.

The Quinjet landed right on time, just as the sun began to set, Steve waiting for us on the tarmac as I stepped off the jet, slinging my duffel over my shoulder. Steve was always waiting for me when I returned from a mission that he didn’t come on, coming forward to hug me as if he hadn’t seen me only a week and a half ago and missed me.

“How did it go?” Steve asked when he finally released me from his embrace.

“It went fine. Base was destroyed, Nat got all the intel. No one left behind to tell the tale,” I shrugged. “Job well done if you ask me. I’m eating, hitting the shower, and then going to bed.”

I patted Steve on the shoulder, pausing to high five Natasha and then went into the compound, stopping in the kitchen to see what was available in the fridge for me to eat. I settled for left over pizza even though I had no idea how old exactly it was, chowing down on two slices before taking a long hot shower. I climbed into my bed after toweling off, appreciating the firm, but soft mattress which was much better than the cot I had been sleeping on for the past week and a half and tried to sleep. And failed miserably. I slid out of bed after an hour passed of staring up at my ceiling, pulling on my jeans, blue Henley, leather jacket and boots; walking out of the compound.

I took Steve’s motorcycle, something he had given me permission to do whenever I chose, and drove into the city, parking it safely before setting off on foot. I told myself that I was just taking a walk, that I just needed some fresh air, but of course found myself across the street from Jade’s apartment building ten minutes later, barely five blocks from where I had parked Steve’s bike, looking up to where I knew her apartment was. I lied to myself again convincing myself that I wasn’t hoping to see her, that I was just making sure that there was nothing suspicious going on around her apartment, no threat of danger, meaning Hydra. A reckless thought of going up to her apartment crossed my mind, of knocking on her door, telling her the truth and seeing just how she’d take it. If she’d risk the danger, if she’d be willing to _try_. I leaned against the building behind me, shaking my head at myself. I couldn’t do that and it was mostly out of the fear of rejection.

And then I saw her, coming down the street, dressed in blue scrubs, her curls pulled back into a pony tail, a messenger bag hanging across her body and headphones in her ears. She was too preoccupied with her phone to notice my presence, taking sure steps to her apartment building without even looking up once until she reached the stairs leading up to the buildings door. I stepped back out of the direct light from the street lamps above, letting the shadows come over me just in case she decided to look back this way, realizing just how creepy that I would look and hoping she didn’t.

_That’s just what you need Barnes, to have her think you’re some creepy stalker._

It was that moment of course that she chose to turn around quickly, forcing me to duck very ungracefully behind a parked car. I felt foolish hiding from her, my eyes peeking through the windows just barely to see her sweeping the block with calculated eyes. I hid completely when her eyes neared the car, kneeling and waiting for the seconds to pass before I could look again, hoping that she hadn’t caught me.

* * *

I had made up my mind about James Buchanan Barnes and the decision was to do my best to forget the man. I knew he was a man of mystery, but he clearly had a lot of secrets considering he had supposedly died in 1944. The man looked damn good for almost being a hundred and _dead_. I had to admit that he had been on my mind more than ever, especially seeing that memorial display of him. I had briefly thought of googling his name, but was too scared of what might pop up. He was best friends with Captain America, the token boy of perfection and goodness and patriotism, and he was living with the Avengers so he couldn’t have been _that_ bad, but perhaps he wasn’t all that good either. While Iris found the mystery of him exciting and thought I should seek him out to ask my very appropriate questions about his past, I had decided against it. I was going to let him ghost me and I would move on with my life. 

A big bowl of ice cream and some Stranger Things on Netflix was calling my name. Iris was at Brandon’s, her on again off again non committed friend with benefits, meaning I would have the apartment to myself and there would be no arguing over who was watching what or taking the good spot on the couch. After a 12 hour shift, 6 of which I spent covering for another nurse who had called in sick, I was ready for a hot shower, something sugary and to fall asleep to the sounds of David Harbour aka Daddy Hopper being a loving, if not awkward father figure to Eleven. I reached the steps of my building when I felt a chill run down my spine, the hairs on the back of my neck standing up, a eerie sensation of someone’s eyes on me washing over me.

I turned quickly, looking around the surroundings of my building and the opposite street, clutching my keys with my pepper spray keychain and phone in my hands. The city of New York never slept and so there was always someone near, except tonight our block was oddly quiet and empty, a car hadn’t even driven by. Living in New York, there was always a possibility of being assaulted or mugged…or for an alien invasion, that was just statistics, so I was always prepared with some pepper spray and a vague memory of some defensive moves I had learned at a women’s self defense class that I had taken with Iris a few years ago. I swept the road and surroundings once more, seeing nothing particularly suspicious aside from the ominous emptiness of the block before rolling my eyes at my own paranoia. _Stop watching so many horror movies, Jade._ I turned back to the stairs to go into the building finding a man coming out, feeling a little hint of relief to finally see someone else. He paused, holding the door open for me and I smiled politely at him.

“Hey,” he said making me halt just before stepping over the entrance, pulling out one of my ear buds to hear what he had to say. “You’re Jade Johnson right? You live in apartment 3H?”

I hesitated. _Do I know this guy?_ He was a handsome man, tall and broadly muscular, his hair brown and cut short to his head on the sides and left a little long on the top, eyes green. He smiled pleasantly, with familiarity, but I swear I had never seen this man before in my life.   _Oh god am I about to be served with a court summons? “_ Umm…yeah? Do I know you?”

He moved so quickly that I wasn’t sure what happened next until my back was pressed into his hard chest, one strong arm around my waist, hugging me to him, the other used to place a large hand over my mouth that muffled my screams. My phone and keys dropped quickly from my hands, my body immediately beginning to thrash on instinct, kicking and squirming as I tried to scream uselessly against his palm. He was completely unphased by my struggles, lifting me by my waist as if I weighed nothing and walking quickly down the steps as a black van came screeching to a stop in front of the building, the sliding door thrown open to reveal an armed man waiting inside.

Panic seized me instantly and I struggled harder, and it was uselessly, as we neared the van, my heart pounding and my throat already hurting from the loud screams I was making that barely sounded like a whisper thanks to his hand. My kidnappers accomplice stepped out of the van, setting aside his gun, reaching out and taking hold of my kicking legs, holding them together before trying to help carry me into the van.

He never made it.

I barely saw the flash of metal through the air before my legs were dropped back to the ground and the man who had been holding them hit the cement. The man holding me tensed behind me, backing away quickly and pulling me with him, allowing me to see James Buchanan Barnes stepping into view, in one fluid motion he took the large assault rifle from the unconscious mans body and aimed it right at me and my captor, one blue eye looking down the mounted sight, a look of pure rage on his face that made me tense. My kidnapper kept me in front of him and his hand over my mouth, using me as a shield, leaving a lot of himself pretty exposed considering he was nearly double my size. He kept me in front of the important parts though, his chest and most of his head, his large body hunching over slight to put part of his head behind mine. I stood frozen in his arms, unsure of what to do, afraid to move. 

“Актив,” my captor growled from behind me, his hold on me tightened almost painfully.

“Отпусти ее,” Bucky said through clenched teeth.

I blinked.  _He speaks Russian? Of course he speaks Russian._

“Пришло время вернуться домой,” the man said again making me wish that I had taken a more useful language than French in high school. _Should have taken Russian so that I would one day be able to translate what my would be kidnapper was saying to my one night stand._

Bucky didn’t like whatever the man had said, his teeth gritted so hard that it made a sound, his face scrunching in anger and he took a single step forward, metal finger moving to the trigger. “Я сказал, отпусти ее.”

“Either she comes or you come,” the asshole taunted, jerking me against him to punctuate his remark.

 _I come? Come where? What the hell is happening?_ I whimpered loudly against the palm over my mouth and looked at Bucky, he lifted his eye from the sight, his expression softened just a bit. I wondered briefly if he was going to do it, offer himself for the girl he had, had a one night stand with to the man who clearly was a Russian villain and probably would have zero reservations about killing me.

“Jade,” Bucky said making my eyes snap to his. I looked at him wide eyed and panicked. “Run.”

In the blink of an eye he was lifting the gun sight back to his eye and I heard the gunshot. I felt something warm splatter on the side of my face and I was falling suddenly, landing on my back still atop the Russian villain who was cursing in pain beneath me. _Run Jade. Run_. I scrambled to my feet, doing as Bucky had said, running quickly in the opposite direction as fast and hard as I could, not bothering to look back, afraid of what I would see, especially as another gunshot rang out making me flinch. Before I knew it I was in a darkened alley, bright lights and bustling people enjoying the New York night life on the other side, and I was desperate to get out there to them, to get help, to have someone call the police.

A hard hand gripped my arm as I neared the edge of the alley, yanking me to a stop and I screamed loudly, feeling my back hit the brick wall. I was fighting again, kicking and swatting before I heard the familiar voice. “Easy! Easy! It’s me,” Bucky growled as I looked up to see him looming over me.

The fact that it was him did nothing to help me relax, I was pissed. I had just nearly been kidnapped by a Russian villain and then had a gun fired in my general direction by the man I barely knew standing before me. No, I was _livid_. I shoved him hard, he didn’t budge and my wrists ached, _Jesus Christ why its like trying to push a two ton boulder,_  but he looked down at me in surprise.

“What the hell, James?! What the hell have you gotten me into?!” I snapped ignoring the brief pain in my wrists. “Who was that?! What is going on?!”

He ignored my questions, taking my face into his hands, my breath hitching in my throat and turning my head to inspect the blood splatter on the side of my face. “Are you hurt? Did I hit you?”

 _Was I? Did he?_ I did a brief mental check for pain or for my body alerting me of injury or discomfort and found none. Aside from the adrenaline coursing through me so quickly that my heart was pounding and every single nerve inside of me feeling like it was in fight or flight mode and my panting that was dangerously close to turning into hyperventilation I was okay.

“No,” I shook my head and swallowed hard. “No, I am fine.”

Bucky nodded once, turning to look back in the direction that we had come from. “We have to move.”

“What? Move whe-.”

He took my hand tightly in his own, cutting me off and bolted out of the alley, dragging me along, my feet barely able to keep up with his fast pace and wondering just where the hell he was taking me and what he had gotten me into. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translations according to google:
> 
> Актив- Asset 
> 
> Отпусти ее- Let her go
> 
> Пришло время вернуться домой- It’s time to come home.
> 
> Я сказал, отпусти ее- I said let her go.


	5. Bruce Willis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there’s some action and violence and mention of blood and stuff so there’s a warning for that.

She was pacing distractedly behind me, ranting quietly to herself, but I could hear her loud and clear thanks to my serum enhanced senses. I waited at the edge of the alley, hidden in the shadows, scanning the street for potential threats before we moved again. She had forced me to stop, sweating and panting, cursing me for making her run for so long and hard. I had forgotten that she wasn’t like me, she was a normal person, she would need rest, especially after running for 13 blocks, and I had finally relented and ducked her into an alley to take a breather I didn’t need. I had been too preoccupied with getting her to safety to think about the fact that she might need rest.

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to date because just my luck I sleep with the guy who has Russians after him that want to also kill me now,” she muttered to herself, talking to no one in particular. I figured this was how she was coping with the stress, scolding herself. “I should have known. _I should have known_. I am going to kill Iris for this!”

I leaned against the bricks and winced as pain shot through my side. I reached into my jacket, touching my lower right side where the pain was centered, pulling my flesh hand back to see blood smeared against my fingers. That bastard must have hit me after Jade had taken off, he had pulled a gun on me and I hadn’t gotten the second shot off quick enough before he had fired, the one that hit him right in the chest. I hadn’t waited to see if he was truly dead, I had to get to Jade before she ran too far. I knew there was another team in the area, a back up if the first wasn’t successful. That was standard procedure, they never sent just one team, unless it was me. It was them that I was looking for now. They wouldn’t stop unless they got to her or me. I knew the bullet was still inside, I could feel it, the adrenaline rushing through me the only thing making the pain tolerable. I wouldn’t start to heal until it came out, but I couldn’t get it out until I got her to safety.

“Jade.”

She hadn’t stopped pacing and was still muttering to herself. “I just wanted to go home and watch Stranger Things and eat ice cream. Is that too much to ask? Is it really too much to ask to not almost be kidnapped?”

“Jade.”

She continued to ignore me, making me push off the wall and walk to her, grabbing her by the shoulders and forcing eye contact. She tensed when I touched her, looking up at me with wide panicked eyes, her mouth hanging open slightly. I tried to keep my face and voice soft, knowing that she was panicked and terrified, that I had effectively turned her life upside down which was the exact reason that I had planned to stay away.

“Jade,” I repeated again. “Listen to me very carefully. We have to keep moving. I have to get you off the street before the second team finds us. Okay?” She nodded slowly looking dazed. I wasn’t sure if she had actually heard anything I said. “It’s going to be okay,” I promised trying to ease her fears. “I wont let anything happen to you.”

She blinked, like she was seeing me for the first time, her face setting into a frown. “This isn’t me. I can’t do this. I am not Bruce Willis. I can’t _be_ Bruce Willis. I cannot fight off villains, Russian or otherwise.”

I really wanted to ask her who Bruce Willis was, figuring he must be some hero from this time period, but it was not the time. I had to get her moving again. I had to circle back so we could get to Steve’s motorcycle. There was a rendevouz location for these exact situations, a safe house, a motel just outside the city, room A1; it would have medical supplies, food, weapons, and cash stashed there. It was something that I had set up with Steve when I had finally come home after being on ice, knowing that even though I was mostly better, I had been one of Hydra’s best assets and they wouldn’t let me go. I was so used to running, hiding, trying to be free. The possibility that they I would need to run again had never left my mind. I had to get her to that motel, to safety, and call in to Steve for back up and extraction.

“Jade, I got you okay?” I assured again, I dared to touch her cheek, hearing her heart skip a beat when I did, the smoothness of her skin was soft against my palm. “I’ll be Bruce Willis.”

She laughed, the sound sputtering from her lips as if she had been trying to hold it in, looking surprised as she did, like she couldn’t believe she was laughing this situation. “Don’t make me laugh right now!” She growled reigning in her laughter. “I am still mad at you for bringing Hans Gruber into my life dammit.” _Who?_ “Wait, Hans Gruber was German…” she said to herself, shaking her head. “I mean some other Russian villain whose name I cant think of right now!”

I shook my head at her and the references I didn’t understand, chuckling softly to myself, wincing when I felt pain again at my movement. “Well can you be angry and run at the same time?”I asked her.

She scowled at me.

I smiled at her in spite of it. “Let’s go.”

I took her hand again and she let me, holding my aching side while we ran, hoping she wouldn’t notice. We circled back, ducking through alleys and keeping to the shadows as I kept a watchful eye on the streets and our surroundings. I had ditched the assault rifle, holding it would bring way too much attention to our selves, but it had left me weaponless. I didn’t want to have to engage any enemies, not without a weapon, not with her clinging desperately to my hand, not when I was injured. _Just get her somewhere safe. Call Steve. Wait for extraction._ You’ll both be fine, I told myself.

“James,” she panted behind me, making me turn to find her light brown skin looking rather pale and sweat dripping down it. She looked exhausted. Her feet struggling to maintain my pace. “Can…we…slow…down..forgodsake!” She groaned between breaths.

“No,” I said regrettably. We were almost there. I couldn’t risk slowing down.

She whined in protest, but kept up with me, even as I rounded the corner and tugged her another three blocks and through one more alley. I slowed when I saw Steve’s motorcycle right where I had parked it; I stopped completely and turned to her, wrapping my arm around her waist, drawing her in, keeping my head chin down before I pulled her along out of the alley right into the crowd walking down the street, hugging her to me as though we were any other normal couple.

“Keep your head down, stay close, we’re almost there,” I said softly to her, making sure to stay vigilant, my eyes doing continuous sweeps around us.

She nodded, wrapping her arm around my waist making me wince as her hand grazed my wound. I felt her gasp, trying to stop walking, but I forced her along. “James, you’re bleeding!” She whispered, leaning forward to see under my coat where the blood was starting to soak through my shirt. She looked up at me with wide eyes.

“I know,” I answered ignoring the worry on her face. “I’m fine. Keep walking.”

“You are most certainly not fine. I don’t even know how you are standing right now. You’re losing a lot of blood. We need to take you to a hospital-.”

“Just keep moving, Jade,” I said.

“James-.”

“Just keep moving,” I repeated, cutting her off.

She was frowning again though she said nothing, I did feel her press herself against me allowing me to use her as a brace to walk, pushing the smallest amount of weight on her alleviated some of the pain with every step I took. She looked up at me wordlessly, her eyebrows going up, asking a silent question. _Is this helping?_ I nodded once and went back to watching our surroundings, cutting across the street once we neared Steve’s motorcycle. I saw her hesitate as we reached it, finally releasing her to grab the helmet hanging from the handlebars and hand it to her. She looked at it warily.

“I have never ridden a motorcycle, James,” she said staring at the helmet in her hands.

“Put the helmet on Jade,” I said softly, swinging my leg over the bike and sitting on it.

She hesitated once more, looking around nervously before pulling it on over her head. I knew it’d be a little big on her, but she needed it in case things got crazy on the ride. I offered my hand to her which she took, helping her climb on the motorcycle behind me, silently showing her where to hold onto me, my upper body away from the still bleeding wound on my side, before starting the motorcycle up. She jumped at the loud sound, but didn’t squeeze me too tightly, conscious of my wound and the pain I was in. I revved the engine once and then took off into the New York traffic, riding easily between cars.

* * *

I could barely see out of the damn helmet. And I had no idea where I was going or why I was trusting this man I barely knew who was mostly likely the reason I was in this mess in the first place, but what choice did I have? I didn’t have my phone. I didn’t have a car. And some people were trying to kidnap and/or kill me and the only person that had stood in their way so far had been Bucky. So all I could do was hold onto him, periodically glancing behind us as we rode down the streets of New York, taking me to a location that I didn’t know, and hope and pray we made it there in one piece and sorted this mess out.

I felt a hint of relief when we made it to the freeway, thinking that if we had made it this far, there was no way that we would be followed, but when I looked over my shoulder for the 10th time, unable to stop the impulse whenever it came over me, I saw the black van speedily approaching from behind one lane to the right. My heart rate sped up and I used my hand to pat Bucky’s chest, too scared to release my hold on him.

“There’s a van!” I shouted over the rumble of the engine. “It’s the black van!” It came out muffled and soft from the helmet, the sound of the engine drowning me out, but somehow he had heard me, his head whipping back to see.

He muttered something I didn’t hear and turned the handlebar, making the motorcycle roar loudly before picking up speed, lurching us forward. I shrieked, holding onto Bucky tighter, the side of the helmet pressed against his back, my eyes shut tight. _Please god don’t let me die on this motorcycle. I’ll do anything. I’ll start going to church like my momma told me too. I’ll even tithe. Just please don’t let me die a painful motorcycle crash death._

I chanced looking behind us, seeing the van was much closer, and recognizing my kidnapper in the driver seat. I felt my face fall, my body going rigid when I saw him lift a gun, aiming it at the window, right at us. I didn’t get the chance to warn Bucky, the gun shot rang out, sending a spark shooting up from ground where the bullet hit right near us. Bucky swerved, changing lanes, making me dig my fingers into his muscular flesh, almost sending us both right off the bike until he straightened it again. There were more gun shots, but I couldn’t look back, thankful that I didn’t hear any hit the bike or feel any hit me or Bucky. I shut my eyes again and tucked my body into Bucky’s as much as I could, trying to become a smaller target, silently praying, listening to the sounds of gunshots missing and ricocheting near, the sounds of car horns honking and tires screeching, and feeling the bike swerve left and right and left again.

_Please god, don’t let me die. Don’t let me die. Don’t let me die._

“Hold on!” I heard him yell making me grip him even tighter, hearing his pained hiss, and feeling his body tense at the increased pressure. Shit the man is practically bleeding to death and you’re squeezing the life out of him.

The bike swerved to the right hard, forcing me to open my eyes and see us taking an exit at the last possible second, nearly hitting a red corolla, the driver honking angrily. My head whipped around quickly, catching sight of the black van speeding past, still on the free way having missed the exit. Bucky didn’t slow down at all, not bothering to stop at the red light at the intersection off the exit, weaving between the cars passing through which got a scared shriek out of me. He didn’t slow down until we were well outside the city, to the point that I hadn’t seen a car in ten minutes and we were in a dark wooded area.

In the distance I saw neon light, a large sign blinking ‘MOTEL: VACANCY’. _Oh god he’s taking me to the Norman Bates motel in the middle of nowhere_ , I couldn’t help, but think it as he circled the building and came to a stop in the empty area in the back of the motel. He turned off the engine and put the kick stand in place, I could feel his heart pounding with my hands that were still locked around his chest.

“Jade,” I heard him say through the helmet, his blue eyes turning to find me over his shoulder.

“Y-yeah?”

“You can let go now, doll,” he said, one of his hands coming to touch mine.

“Oh,” I blurted, removing my hands from him slowly, seeing that they were shaking now that they had nothing to hold on to. My heart was pounding as well, my breath coming out in pants, and it was unbelievably hot inside the helmet.

He slipped off the bike with a noticeable wince, turning to offer me a helpful hand. I almost huffed at him, thinking that it should be helping him considering that he was the one bleeding, but took the hand anyway, climbing off the bike and pulling the helmet off. He took it from my hands and placed it on the motorcycle before taking my hand and pulling me to follow him. I took in his hunched posture, the way he winced and limped with each step and quickly moved to his side, putting his arm over my shoulder, letting him put some of his weight on me. I was surprised that he was even conscious, that he had even managed to drive this whole time and somehow avoid both of us dying in a freeway high speed chase. Any normal man would have been dead already, but I got the feeling that James Buchanan Barnes was no ordinary man.

We rounded the building, stopping at the first room on the end, far from the other rooms and the main office and seeing that instead of a key lock there was a pin pad in its place. Bucky leaned against the wall near the door, lifting a shaking and bloodied hand and pressed the four digit pin into the door. I could hear the locks disengage and I pushed the door open quickly reaching in to flick on the lights before taking Bucky’s weight again to help him into the room, kicking the door shut behind me.

It looked like any normal motel room, it had a large queen sized bed, a tv and dressed and table with chairs, there was a kitchenette, an open closet with double doors and a closed door that I assumed led to the bathroom. I didn’t get the chance to truly take in my complete surroundings before Bucky was nearly stumbling on his feet, leaving me to struggle to at least get him to the bed. He landed very ungracefully on his back, no thanks to me, wincing in pain and allowing me to see in the light just how pale he looked.

I pushed him back to a laying position when he tried to get up, moving his jacket and lifting his shirt, seeing the bullet wound and the fresh and dried blood around it. His clothes were soaked with his blood. “Shit, James, we should have taken you to the hospital. We have got to stop this bleeding and somehow get this bullet out.”

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. “There’s medical supplies, in the ceiling, 3rd tile, second row from the front wall,” he said hoarsely pointing to the ceiling.

I rose to my feet, slipping my messenger bag that had somehow managed to stay on this whole time off my shoulders and dropping it to the floor. I went for one of the chairs at the table, counting the tiles of the ceiling before setting the chair underneath it and stepping on it. I barely reached the ceiling, having to jump and use my finger tips to push the tile up and move it out of the way. It was a struggle to maintain my balance and jump high enough to grab the edge of the large black duffel up there, barely grasping the long strap and tugging it down. I jumped out of the way as the bag came tumbling down, huge and heavy, hitting the floor with a loud thud.

I knelt beside the bag, unzipped it quickly, opening it to find a barrage of items inside, including two large weapons that made me hesitate. I ignored them, digging inside for the medical supplies instead, pushing past clothes and bottled waters and food and rolled up and rubber banded wads of money. I found a smaller black bag inside, yanking it out and opening it to find it filled with medical equipment including gloves, gauze, bandages, forceps, alcohol and a suture kit.

 _Everything you would need if you were shot_ , I thought with a raised eyebrow.

“I got it,” I called jumping to my feet and turning back to the bed, freezing when I saw Bucky unconscious on the bed. “Shit!” I rushed to his side. “James! James! Oh my god don’t you dare die on me and leave me all alone in this situation that’s clearly your fault!” I growled.

I touched the side of his neck, checking his carotid artery for a pulse, sighing in relief when I found one. It wasn’t faint, in fact it was pretty strong for someone who had lost as much as blood as he had, making me wonder again just what the hell was keeping him alive. I donned gloves quickly, pouring alcohol on the forceps and thinking briefly to myself that it was a good thing that he had passed out, it would save him from the pain of me digging around inside of him for the bullet.

He didn’t move through the ten minutes that it took for me to dig out the bullet, or the following twenty minutes of me applying pressure until the bleeding subsided enough for me to clean and suture the wound, thankful that in my experience working in the trauma ER and then pediatrics. I was well adept to putting in stitches. I bandaged the wound and finally let go of the breath that I hadn’t even realized I had been holding. Checking his pulse once more and sighing in relief to feel that it was still pretty strong, I situated him more comfortably on the bed, putting his head on a pillow.

My hands were shaking again as I pulled my gloves off and gathered up the bloodied trash and discarded it into the garbage can. I stood in the middle of the room, staring at Bucky’s unconscious body, hoping that eventually he would wake up and wondering just what the hell I was supposed to do now. I heard a faint ringing in Bucky’s coat pocket, startling me and prompting me to check him for his phone. It continued to ring as I stared down at the name on the screen. _Steve_. If I couldn’t trust Captain America then who could I trust? I answered it and put it to my ear slowly hearing Steve’s voice before I even offered a greeting.

“Bucky? Are you okay? I got an alert that someone accessed the safe house was that you?”

I hesitated. “Captain Am-er I mean Steve-.”

He cut me off before I could finish. “Who is this?”

“It’s Jade…you know…the one night stand girl…”

There was a brief pause. “Jade, where is Bucky?”

“He’s here…there’s uh…there’s been a... situation…”


	6. Cold Showers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy when I said slow burn I wasnt kidding. I’m kind of proud of myself for not writing the smut sooner. Lol

I came back to consciousness slowly, blinking as I looked up at a ceiling that I didn’t immediately recognize. I felt my brow furrow, still struggling to gain my bearings and remember just where I was when it all came rushing back to me. Going to see Jade, the men who tried to take her, getting shot, running, making it to the motel, passing out. _Oh god, Jade!_ I sat up quickly, groaning at the pain in my side where my gunshot wound was, pausing when I saw Steve standing at the foot of the motel bed I was laying across, a finger to his lips. I frowned. _When the hell did he get here?_ I glanced at the clock seeing it was almost 3 am. _How long have I been out?_

“Jade is sleeping,” Steve said softly, sitting on the edge of the bed near me, nodding towards the kitchenette.

I turned, looking over my shoulder to see her sitting in one of the chairs, her arms folded on the table and her head resting on them. She looked peaceful surprisingly, considering that she had spent the past few hours running for her life and apparently saving a man she barely knew. Even though I was still experiencing pain, it was a dull pain now, like a sore muscle after an overly strenuous gym activity, nothing like the sharp ache that it had been, meaning that she had gotten the bullet out, stopped the bleeding, and taken care of _me_. Lifting my Henley I confirmed my theory, seeing the stitched wound already beginning to heal. _So much for be being Bruce Willis._

“How long have I been out?”

“5 hours according to Jade. She was pretty shaken up when I got here,” Steve continued softly. “She thought you were going to die. Had no idea how you were even still alive. I eased some of her fears without telling her too much, got her to relax enough so that she could rest her eyes for a bit, I told her I’d stay and watch you of course. She was afraid to go to sleep in case something happened to you, but she looked exhausted.”

I felt my stomach sink at the thought of her worrying about me, angry at myself for passing out and leaving her alone and scared and thinking I was dying. “She called you?” I asked looking to Steve.

“No, I got an alert that someone accessed the safe house and called you. She answered and told me what happened and I came as soon as I could,” Steve answered. “I see now why you didn’t want to date. One date with you and the Russians show up to kidnap her.”

I huffed. “Yeah thanks for encouraging me to go to her place instead of just mailing the ID, it’s working out swimmingly.” Sarcasm dripped from my tone.

“I just thought that after all this time and all that you have been through you should be able to start living your life, Buck,” Steve sighed. “You deserve to be happy. You deserve to _love_.”

“What I deserve and the reality of my situation are two totally different things,” I scooted to the edge of the bed and put my feet on the floor. “We have to find that bastard that tried to take her. I think he’s like us, because I shot him right in the chest, I know I hit him and he still came after-.”

“No,” Steve interrupted, making me frown at him. “You don’t have to do anything besides stay with Jade. Keep her safe. Natasha, Sam, and I will take care of the guy that came after her. In fact Natasha is already working on it. Tomorrow I’ll arrange for you both to be moved to the compound, the safest place for the both of you, and then you’ll lay low.”

I gawked at him. “So while you go after this man who is after me and Jade, I am just supposed to sit at the compound and wait?”

Steve nodded. “That’s exactly what I want. It keeps you and her out of the line of fire.”

“Yeah and puts you right in it!”

“Luckily, I was made just for that. I got this,” Steve assured.

“And you expect her to just what? Stay there with me until we’re sure she’s safe? Whenever that might be?” I laughed. “I get the feeling that shes not going to love that. She’s got a job, a life, friends, unlike me.”

Steve glowered. “I am your friend. So is Nat and Sam-.”

“Steve, you know what I meant. My point is she can’t up and disappear. People will be looking for her. I am surprised her roommate hasn’t reported her missing yet.”

“Bucky, you know that it’s probably for the best if she’s reported missing. It might keep her family and friends out of danger. No one will go after them looking for her, if they think that her family and friends don’t know where she is. So for now we let them report her missing and we let them worry. No outside contact with anyone, but me until you’re at the compound where we can be sure the line is secure, then maybe she can let them know she’s alright at least. I’ll bring more food and supplies to last until we can get you moved. I want to be sure that no one at the compound has been compromised. But until then you both will not leave this motel room. Understood?”

I rubbed my eyes, shaking my head. “She’s gonna be pissed.”

Steve shrugged. “She doesn’t have much of a choice. It’s _Captain’s orders_.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You okay with me leaving? I’ll come back with food and clothes for the both of you in a few hours.”

I nodded. “I got some clothes in the supply bag. Just bring something for her.”

Steve gave my shoulder a squeeze before rising to his feet. “We’re gonna fix this, Bucky. She’ll be alright.”

_I hope so…_

I managed a single nod watching him offer me a small smile before slipping out of the door. I turned back to Jade, finding that she hadn’t moved at all and wondering how she could sleep in such an uncomfortable position. I couldn’t really blame her though after everything she had been through her body would need rest in any way or position it could get it. Still I rose to my feet carefully, finding the pain tolerable even while standing and walked to her, touching her shoulder hesitantly.

“Jade,” I said softly, trying to wake her with startling her, wanting to offer her the more comfortable bed to sleep in.

She moaned softly, but didn’t wake, shifting in the chair. Sighing softly I pulled the chair out just a little, enough to get my arms under her and lift her out of the chair, tensing when she was in my arms, ready to explain myself if she woke. She didn’t, only curled inward a bit, tucking her head under my chin and letting out a soft sigh. I carried her carefully to the bed, kicking the sheets back with my foot and laying her down gently. She groaned irritably at the movement but turned onto her side, moving until she found a comfortable position and going still. I tucked the covers in around her, unable to resist touching the inviting skin of her cheek and tucking some curls behind her ear.

I made sure the door was secure and the windows were locked and the black out curtains drawn. I carried the duffel to the table to inventory the supplies and made sure each assault rifle was loaded before stashing one under the bed and the other near the door. I found the handgun and knife stashed in the side compartment, tucking the knife in my boot and the other in the waist band of my jeans behind my back. Then I sat down in one of the kitchenette chairs to wait for Steve or the Russians to show.

* * *

I woke up to unfamiliar surroundings, lifting my head from where it rested on my arm slowly, looking around until I realized that I was still in the motel. I tried to look out the window to get a sense of what time it was, but the black out curtains blocked everything from view. The bedside clock read 8:00 am. I had slept for awhile.

Steve had come shortly after calling and I had been damn near hysterical when he arrived. I had thought that despite what I had done, Bucky was still in danger of dying. He had lost a lot of blood, he had yet to wake up, and I was certain that he was going to die if we didn’t get him to the hospital and get him a blood transfusion. Steve had managed to talk me down, speaking softly in that sure and Captainly voice he had, almost instantly easing my fears and assuring me that Bucky would be fine; that he had been through much worse and that this was ‘nothing’. I had almost laughed at him at those words, getting shot and then nearly killed during a high speed chase definitely didn’t fall under the category of ‘nothing’ to me. But still I had forced myself to calm, to sit down in the chair as he had instructed, to put my head down and take a breather. I must have fallen asleep because I didn’t remember a thing after that.

Someone had moved me from the chair to the bed, putting me under the covers, and I sat up slowly to find the room empty. _What the hell?_ There was no way that Bucky would have been capable of moving after what he had endured and minimal medical treatment. It would take him days to recover, and I don’t care what Steve Rogers had said, that was just the way the body worked. Had Steve taken him for medical treatment without telling me? I felt my teeth clench, _If they just left me here, I swear to god-._

My thought was interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door opening and a nearly naked Bucky stepping out in a cloud of steam. His skin was still wet and glistening, his long hair damp and slicked back from his face, and a towel was hanging low from his hips revealing a very muscular form to me. _Oh my…_ I felt my throat go dry at the sight of him, the only coherent thought I could form being: _Damn_. He walked to the table in the kitchenette, not noticing that I was awake, opening the large duffel that I had pulled from the ceiling and digging through until he found clothes. I still hadn’t found the ability to speak when he turned and saw me awake, his blue eyes widening and his eyebrows going up in surprise, he clutched the towel tighter around his waist with one hand, and used the metal one to hold the clothes he had retrieved and cover his bare chest.

“Oh,” he said softly. “You’re awake.”

Him speaking broke the daze I was in. It was then I remembered that I was pissed, no _livid_ , and that he owed me an explanation and an apology… Regardless of how hot he was.

I huffed. “ _You’re_ awake! How is that even possible?”

He smirked and my heart fluttered. _Stop that Jade, we’re still mad at him remember?_ “We should talk, doll. There’s something I gotta tell you.”

“ _You think_?” I snapped climbing from the bed. “You can start by maybe explaining to me why there is a memorial exhibit for you at the Smithsonian that says you died in _1944_! And then follow that up with who the hell that guy was that tried to kidnap me and _why_ he wants to kidnap me and what the hell is going on and how the hell you are still alive after being shot when any normal person would have needed a blood transfusion and a lot more medical attention than what I could provide with the contents of your fucking go bag!” I blinked, stopping abruptly. I had been yelling. I was sure that I looked like a raging mad women. This was definitely not me, but it had been a stressful night. Bucky only stared back at me, the smirk quickly leaving his face. I cleared my throat. “Get dressed first though,” I finished.

I sat back down on the bed to wait for Bucky to change, feeling sticky and dirty and uncomfortable in the scrubs that I had been wearing for 24 hours now. I could still feel the dried blood of my would be kidnapper on the side of my face and random splatters of Bucky’s blood from when I was fixing and stitching him. I felt like my skin was crawling. I needed to shower. No, I needed a long hot shower and a gallon of antibacterial soap. Also a stiff drink wouldn’t hurt.

When Bucky exited the bathroom again he was wearing dark jeans and a plain midnight blue tee, one that clung to him in all the right ways, his hair still damp and pushed back from his face. I struggled to ignore all the very good qualities of his facial features and not be distracted by them, setting my face into a ‘I’m not taking any shit’ expression and motioning to the space on the bed beside me. I had questions. And I wanted answers. He joined me on the bed, looking like a kid who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar, a sheepish smile on his face.

His first words surprised me. “Thank you…for taking care of me and stitching me up…” he pointed to his side as if I needed more elaboration to what he meant. “I’m sorry for passing out on ya’ and…” he shrugged. “Well shit I am sorry for the whole thing, Jade.”

_Apology down, explanation still needed._

“James,” I said softly, going for a less angry approach. He was the only one keeping me alive after all. “Tell me what the hell is going on.”

He took a deep breath and started at the beginning, the very beginning, going back to the 1900’s and explaining how he had met Steve, how they had been so close back then and still were, how he had joined the army, wanting nothing more than to fight for his country, getting kidnapped and experimented on, being rescued by Steve, falling to what should have been his death, losing his arm, becoming a brain washed assassin called The Winter Soldier, Steve rescuing him again, putting him ‘on ice’ until he was better again, trying to live in the modern world, and finishing it off with waking up to Steve telling him he had company after a heavy night of drinking with a god and meeting me for the second time. I sat there feeling stunned, wowed by the fact that any man who had gone through so much was still somehow standing and functioning. And the fact that it was even possible for any of this to have occurred. I could see his shoulders relax a little as he talked, as though he had never really talked about it or told his story in full and doing so took some of the weight off his shoulders.

“I just want you to know that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I told Steve I should just leave you alone, that I was not a guy that someone could just date, but he insisted I bring you the ID and ask you out and-,” he trailed off shaking his head, his blue eyes looking down before finding mine again. “I’m sorry, Jade. I’m really sorry.”

I felt an ache in his heart to hear the sadness in his tone of voice. I suddenly felt bad for being angry with him. He hadnt intentionally turned my life upside down. And it suddenly made sense why he had just randomly ghosted me after we had, had a nice time. He had worried for my safety, it didn’t matter in the end, but still he had thought about how his life could affect mine. I reached over and took his metal hand before I could really think about it or stop myself. His eyes went wide at my touch, looking down quickly at my hand and then back at my face. I got the feeling that few people touched him, let alone his metal limb.

“I’m sorry, you had to go through all of that,” I sighed. “No one should have to endure…everything that you did…and I know you didn’t completely turn my life upside down on purpose..”

He smiled timidly and looked a little relieved. “For what its worth, even though I turned your life upside down, I am glad I met you,” he said giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

 _And then he has to go and be a complete sweet heart._ I blushed, profusely, the heat in my cheeks spreading through the rest of me quickly. I tried to look away from those stunning blue eyes, but found myself lost in them, caught up in the moment of sharing and his vulnerability. My heart started to race as I realized that he was leaning in towards me, very slowly, but still coming none the less. _Oh my god he’s going to kiss me. Do I want him too?_ Of course I did, I had already established the man was a walking snack, and I could totally go for something else _stiff_ besides a drink. I started to lean towards him, suddenly breathless, my lips tingling in anticipation. Our noses touched, just a gentle grazing until his head turned and I felt his lips brush mine sending a zing of electricity up my spine.

“Okay, I got food and clothes and toiletries-.”

We broke apart quickly at the sound of Steve’s voice, turning to find him standing in the doorway of the motel, holding two handfuls of plastic bags, looking surprised. I hadn’t even heard the door open. I felt a different heat in my cheeks suddenly, the heat of embarrassment. “Oh-I’m sorry- I didn’t realize that you guys were-,” Steve stuttered looking between us.

“I need a shower,” I said quickly cutting Steve off and jumping to my feet. “I’ll uh…be in the bathroom.”

I walked to the bathroom hurriedly avoiding both their gazes, rushing inside and shutting and locking the door before leaning against it. It was going to have to be a cold shower.

 


	7. Daytime TV sucks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky teaches Jade some self defense techniques.

“I’m sorry, you expect me to do WHAT?”

Just as I expected Jade was pissed when Steve and I told her what the plan was, the plan that would keep her safe and alive. Neither of those points, although explained thoroughly by both Steve and myself, seemed to matter to her. She stood in the center of the room while Steve and I sat at the table, fresh out of the shower, her curls hidden in the towel twisted around her head and dressed in the clothes that Steve had brought her, a pair of dark grey sweats and a plain black v neck. Steve and I had asked her to talk the moment she had stepped out of the bathroom, her face still red and her demeanor timid, no doubt still embarrassed from Steve walking in on us kissing. Well, almost kissing. All of the adorable embarrassment and timidness left the moment she heard that we expected her to stay holed up in this motel with me until tomorrow morning, which was the soonest Steve could arrange transport, where she would then have to stay at the compound until we handled the Russian situation. The part where she couldn’t contact anyone to let them know she was alright was what really set her off.

“Jade, this is for your safety,” Steve reminded her.

“I don’t care. I have a job. I have friends. I have family. I call my mother every Wednesday for our weekly chat, if I don’t do that she’ll know something is up and-,” she broke off her eyes going wide. “Oh my god Iris is going to come home today and realize that I am gone. She was at Brandons last night. She will report me missing in a heart beat, especially if I don’t answer my phone- oh my god I dropped my phone when that Hans Gruber wanna be tried to kidnap me! Iris is gonna lose it. She will call the damn FBI if she has too! My parents are going to freak out!”

She was pacing now, holding the sides of her head, looking to be in full panic mode. I looked to Steve, eyebrows raised in a ‘told you so’ fashion. He rolled his eyes at me and rose from the table, walking to her and taking her by the biceps, stopping her pacing and forcing eye contact. I ignored the tinge of jealousy I felt at Steve touching her. _She is not your property, Barnes. Hell, she’s not even your girlfriend._

“Jade, listen to me,” he said, his voice soft, reassuring, just what she needed. “I promise you that everything will work out in the end, I’m giving you my word. But in the mean time, to keep you safe, to keep you _alive_ , you have to stay hidden, you cant talk to anyone because that will put _them_ in danger also. Do you understand?”

Jade nodded wordlessly.

“The safest place and _person_ for you to be with, is Bucky,” he said looking at me. Her bright brown eyes followed. I smiled weakly at her, trying, and most likely failing, to be as reassuring as Steve was. “He will keep you safe. He will protect you. And while he’s making sure you’re okay, I will be handling the Russians,” he looked back down at her and she turned to look up at him. “And the moment, I mean the literal second that this is all done with, I will let you call your mom, dad, coworkers, friends, or whoever. Okay?”

She was nodding again, but this time her brow was furrowed. “But…my job…I’ll be fired and I am up for a promotion. I have worked so hard for-.”

“That in comparison to your life is _nothing_ ,” Steve pointed out. “This is a matter of life or death, Jade.”

She looked torn, but again she was nodding, taking a deep shuddering breath and looking up at Steve. “Okay, I trust you Captain-I mean Steve.”

 _Damn he’s good_ , I thought watching him smile down at her before releasing her arms after a gentle squeeze. “I am going to go. I don’t want to stay here too long in case I am being followed, but I will check in tonight, Buck. And I will be back at 7:00am to transport you both to the compound. Okay?”

He looked to me and I nodded. Jade moved away from him and sat on the bed, looking off slightly dazed. I rose from my feet when Steve slipped out the door, hearing the lock engage, but still putting in the chain on the door anyway. I turned back to find Jade had scooted up on the bed and was hugging her knees, her eyes watery. I went to her side, sitting on the bed carefully, my hand came up, wanting to touch her, to comfort her, but also wanting to respect her space it dropped back down to my lap.

“I think…It all just got real,” she sniffled, wiping her nose with the back of her arm. “I just…I’m sorry…I don’t mean to be an emotional mess.”

I sighed and dared to scoot closer to her, wrapping my flesh arm around her shoulders and pulling her in towards me. She allowed me too, dropping her knees and leaning into me. She smelt like fresh soap and wild flowers. “No, doll, don’t’ be. You have every right to be an emotional mess. Just like you have every right to be mad at me.”

She tensed at those words, looking up at me. “James, I’m not mad at you. Irritated, yes, but it’s not your fault. It’s the damn Hyrdo people’s fault. You were just trying to live your life, which after everything you’ve been through, you deserve.”

I chuckled softly at her mispronunciation. “It’s Hydr-ah, doll.”

“Oh,” she frowned. “Can I just call them assholes?”

I laughed again. “Sure, Jade, whatever you want.”

“So we’re stuck here all night?” She asked.

I nodded. “Yeah. Till we’re moved. I promise you’ll be a lot more comfortable at the compound. It’s like a luxury hotel thanks to Stark. You can even have my room.”

“Thanks, but I wont kick you out of your own room. I can sleep on the couch in the common room.”

I scoffed. “If my ma’ knew that I let a girl sleep on the couch instead of my bed like a proper gentleman then she’d smack me upside the head. I refuse to let you sleep on the couch. _I’ll_ sleep on the couch.”

She smirked, finally giving in. “Fine. I will sleep in your bed…so what do we do now?”

I shrugged, looking around the room. There wasn’t much too do in a motel room for a whole day. Nothing appropriate anyway. I found myself thinking back to half an hour ago, after I had told her my story, something that I have never really done and seeing the sincerity and genuine sympathy she had for me. I was surprised at how vulnerable I had let myself be to her and even after that she had still touched me, my metal arm at that. I had started leaning in before I even realized what I was doing, thinking about how soft her lips would feel against mine, the moment just feeling right. And she had leaned in too, only confirming what I knew already. She liked me. And then Steve had come in and ruined the whole damn thing. He had apologized profusely while she was in the shower, but with a big goofy proud grin on his face before mentioning offhandedly that he had neglected to bring condoms. I had thrown a pillow at him.

“We can….watch television?” I offered.

* * *

I had forgotten how much I hated day time television. It was all trashy talk shows and judge shows and commercials for trade schools, but none the less I found myself leaning lazily on some pillows against the headboard, while Bucky sat at the kitchenette table cleaning his weapons. He had lost interest in the television quickly and retrieved the weapons from places that he had hidden them and begun cleaning them silently with equipment from found in his go bag. I was surprised at how quickly and efficiently he had done the first, almost autonomous in his movements, his eyes dark and glazed over as he worked. I thought about asking him to teach me how to use one of them, in case the Russians showed up, but thought better of it. I had put my faith in Steve Rogers to end this and I didn’t want to touch a gun ever. I knew I didn’t have it in me to really hurt, let alone kill anyone.

There was a loud metallic sound as he finished putting the handgun he had been cleaning together and I looked up to see him watching me with those captivatingly blue eyes. He rose from the chair and walked over to the bed, taking the remote from where it rested near me and muting the Jerry Springer episode I was watching. I didn’t say anything, but looked up at him with a curious frown.

“Get up,” he said with a waving motion. “I want to show you something.”

“Should I be scared?” I asked playfully.

He smirked. “No. Come on.”

He moved to stand in the empty space in between the bed and dresser, waiting for me to follow. I came to a stop about an arms length away, only for him to take me by the hips and draw me in closer. I felt my heart start to race, swallowing so loud that I was sure he heard it, and looking up at him breathlessly.

“J-James,” I stuttered.

“Relax, doll, I ain’t gonna hurt you,” he said softly, his hands remained on my hips and he used them to turn me around so that my back was to him.

My heart skipped a beat as his metal arm came around my chest, caging me in, pressing me back into his muscular chest, his flesh hand coming to cover my mouth. I tensed, but remained unmoving, wondering just what the hell he was doing. And then there was the fact of how _good_ he felt pressed against me…

“This is how that bastard was holding you last night, right?” He asked, his voice soft and right by my ear. I shivered at his warm breath being so close to my ear, I couldn’t help it. If he noticed, he didn’t comment.

I nodded in answer to his question.

“Okay, so I am going to show you how to get out of this,” he continued. “First I want you to step on my right foot as hard as you can. I mean really stomp on it. When my grip loosens I want you to elbow me as hard as you can in my left side, it will make me double over further loosening my grip enough that you should be able to grab my forearm, pull me forward and use the momentum and my own weight to throw me over your shoulder. Got it? ”

I hesitated, huffing against his palm. _He cant be serious._

“Don’t you worry about me, doll. I can take it,” he said in response to my hesitation. “On the count of three, okay? One…two…three.”

It wasn’t about him being able to take it so much as my ability to complete the ludicrous task. I knew he could take it. I had watched the man recover from a gunshot wound in a matter of hours. But still I took a deep breath in through my nose and did as I was told, stomping on his right foot as hard as I could, hearing his pained grunt and feeling his hold loosen just a bit. Surprised by my own success I followed through with step 2, bending my elbow and striking him in the side as hard as I could; he doubled over just as he said he would, and I gripped his arm, fingers wrapping around his forearm and yanking as I bent forward, feeling him flip over my shoulder and land on the ground with a heavy thud.

“Oh my god I did it!” I exclaimed excitedly.

Bucky groaned softly on the floor, holding his side where he had been been shot. “You sure did, doll.”

“Crap, what the hell am I doing? You’re recovering from a gunshot wound. We shouldn’t be doing this, James,” I said rushing to his side. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, trust me,” He insisted sitting up. “It’s just a little sore.”

“No, at least let me check the stitches,” I said reached for his shirt.

He sighed, but leaned back on his forearms, allowing me to lift his shirt to see the wound. The wound was already mostly healed, the stitches already beginning to dissolve. _What the…_ I shook my head. “Well you look fine, the stitches are already dissolving. Whatever they gave you that made you a super soldier is some seriously miraculous stuff.”

Bucky scoffed. “Yeah, let’s go again.” He rolled easily to his feet, coming to stand behind me again. “From the top,” he wrapped an arm around my chest, pulling me backward, the other hand coming to cover my mouth. His grip tightened, holding me more securely than he had the first time and I tensed, an unexpected wave of heat washed over me at the feel of him pressed against me again. I swallowed hard. “I was going easy on you before. Now I am going to hold you tighter. So it’s going to be a little harder this time. On three. One…two…-.”

Before he could say three I completed each step, surprised at the amount of strength I had and the powerful sounding grunt that came from my mouth as I flipped him over my shoulder. He hit the floor on his back, groaning again, looking up at me over from the floor in surprise.

“That was good. Again,” he said proudly.

He made me do it two more times, the last time I did it before he could even count, surprising him again, leaving him staring up at me with raised eyebrows from the floor. I smiled triumphantly, crossing my arms.

“See, I am not so helpless,” I said suddenly sure of myself, when in reality compared to him I was about as scary as a bunny. “I can be Bruce Willis.”

Bucky chuckled, getting to his feet again and standing in front of me, holding his palms out to me. “Okay then, Bruce Willis. Punch my hand.”

I did. And even I knew it was pitiful before he laughed at me. I scowled. “Really?”

“I’m sorry, doll, but that was just sad. Come on put your back into it,” he urged, changing his stance and bracing his arm.

“Well we aren’t all highly trained super soldiers, James.”

“Come on. Again,” he said.

I set my feet and focused on my target, the palm of his flesh hand. I brought my fist back and pushed forward hitting his palm. It was a little better this time, in my own opinion, but still didn’t feel right. Bucky looked mildly impressed.

“That was a little better. You set your feet appropriately, but you aren’t following through with the punch. Your body is the driving force, where all your power is, use that to push through,” he moved again, coming to stand behind me, pressing his chest into my back. I felt my breath hitch in my throat. The coldness of his metal hand slid down my arm, metal digits wrapping around my wrist, before guiding my arm back with his and demonstrating the motions. “Like this, see? You push all the way through, turn your fist as you do.”

I nodded, even though in actuality I hadnt heard a thing he said. I was too preoccupied with how much I was enjoying the coldness of his metal touch. The heat that was rushing through me from his proximity was also very distracting. My body went taut in response to the feelings of arousal sweeping through me. _Calm down Jade before you start humping the mans leg_. I struggled to focus on his instruction, hoping that he didn’t notice the reaction he was causing within me.

He noticed.

I felt him tense behind me. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” His voice was hesitant.

 _Not exactly…_ “Umm…uncomfortable isn’t exactly the word I would use.” _Horny. That’s the word I would use to describe it_.

He stepped away from me, coming to stand in front of me so I could see him, he looked confused. “What word would you use?”

I blushed. “Can we just…take a break from this?”

He frowned, but nodded. “Sure, doll. Let’s take a breather.”

I felt a little relief inwardly, moving away from him to sit back down on the bed and unmute the television. The space was much needed as I felt the heat die down and that pull I felt from him disappear. Yeah, we had almost kissed only hours ago, and I am certain that things would have quickly progressed had Captain “Terrible Timing” America not walked in on us, but I still wasn’t sure the timing was right. Wouldn’t sex just complicate things even more? What if my attraction was stemming from all the adrenaline and the fear and being stuck in a motel room with him? What if it was like Stockholm syndrome? He wasn’t necessarily my captor, but it wasn’t like I could leave. We had said before that we would just be friends, shouldn’t we stick to that; a least until the crazy mess was over?

 _Who are you kidding? You were attracted to him before this mess started. You **slept** with him before all of this. Quit lying to yourself._ I rolled my eyes at my own conscience, who sounded an awful lot like Iris, and settled onto the bed, trying to watch Judge Judy and ignore the presence of the gorgeous man in my company.

 


	8. Throwing Caution to the Wind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Jade relieve some tension.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey folks! 
> 
> So in my haste to get the last chapter posted before I went out of town I posted the wrong draft *insert face palm here* Yeah thats what I get for posting and then not even reading through my own chapter lol anyway so I had to delete and repost this chapter so here it is! It still has smut, more smut than the last, it’s basically all smut so if thats not your thing feel free to skip it. 
> 
> (Also its really hard to write smut from a guys POV when you’re not a dude so I probably wont be doing that again lol) 
> 
> Anyway enjoy. And sorry again for the mix up!

I had done something to upset her. I had been far too forward with my “teaching” and now I felt like a jerk. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to feel her against me or touch her smooth skin when she was so close to me. Sure, she had almost kissed me earlier, but that didn’t mean that I could brush up against her like some horny pubescent boy. I sat in the chair in the kitchenette, trying and failing to read a book I had found in my go bag, the tension in the shared space between us growing too intense to ignore by the second. I had scared her or made her uncomfortable and she hadn’t said a word to me since asking to take a break; had only went to sit on the bed, looking flushed and uncomfortable and purposefully avoiding my gaze. Nearly an hour had passed since then, the clock showing that it was well into the afternoon.  
  
Glancing up at her over the pages of my book, I took her in. She was laying across the bed on her stomach, her head at the foot of the bed and her feet at the top, a pillow folded and resting under her chest to prop her head up to watch television, her arms folded on it and supporting her head. She had let her curls loose from the towel, and they had dried into a jet black mane around her head, making her even more beautiful if possible. She laughed at something on the television, filling the room with the glorious sound of her laughter, her whole face brightening as she did and I felt my heart flutter in my chest; butterflies swarming eagerly in my stomach.  
  
_My god, she’s stunning,_  I thought to myself. The thought of her being scared of me or uncomfortable didn’t sit well with me.  
  
Setting my book aside, I rose from the chair, clearing my throat as I did which called her attention to me. “Jade, can we talk?”  
  
She nodded, reaching for the remote and muting the television before moving to a crossed legged sitting position on the bed, holding her pillow in her lap. She looked worried as I joined her on the bed, sitting on the edge, a safe distance away so that I respected her space.  
  
“Is something wrong, James?” She asked.  
  
I loved hearing her say my name. It used to annoy the hell out of me, which is why I asked people to call me Bucky, always associating the use of my first name with the way my mother said it whenever I was in trouble which sent an involuntary cringe down my spine whenever she had said it; but hearing Jade say it was like music to my ears.  
  
“No, Sugar, not at all,” I said shaking my head, noticing the way her eyes widened a bit at the pet name I called her. They just slipped out, I couldn’t help it. “Well, at least I hope not.”  
  
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”  
  
“Did I…Did I make you uncomfortable earlier? With the touching and stuff? While I was showing you the self defense moves?” I asked motioning to the spot where we had been practicing.  
  
“Oh, no,” she said quickly shaking her head, a tinge of red touching the tops of her cheeks. Her eyes dropped to her hands, which were playing with the tag on the pillow in her lap. “You didn’t make me uncomfortable at all.”  
  
I didn’t believe her. I must have done something. She had been acting tense and weird ever since the interaction. “You know you can tell me if I did. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable around me or…scared of me,” I said softly.  
  
Her eyes snapped to mine quickly, surprise crossing her features before she was shaking her head and scooting closer to me on the bed. “James, I am not scared of you,” she said reaching out and touching the flesh of my arm. “I promise you that. And you didn’t make me uncomfortable. I would tell you if you did.”  
  
“Well then what happened? You seemed…put off about me touching you,” I said shrugging.  
  
Her cheeks turned redder and I heard her gulp. She removed her hand from my arm, suddenly becoming interested in her own crossed legs. “I…uh…I wasn’t uncomfortable, okay? I was…” she took a deep breath and looked at me meekly. “I was _enjoying_ you touching me… _too much._ ”  
  
I felt myself frown. _Enjoying me touching her too much?_ And then it hit me and I felt my face fall. “Oh. _Oh_. You were turned on?” I instantly regretted the words the moment they blurted from my lips. _Smooth Barnes. Real smooth. Just put her on the spot._  
  
She was completely embarrassed now, looking red as a tomato and unable to look me in the eye. I scooted a little closer, almost closing all the space between us, hearing her breath stop all together. I reached out and touched her cheek, which caused her brown eyes to look into mine. The thought that this was a bad idea briefly crossed my mind, thinking about all the damage that I had already done to her life and the trouble that I had caused. But I was saying the words before I could stop myself.

“I think you know by now that I am attracted to you too, Jade,” I said softly. “I like you, I thought that went without saying…”  
  
She looked at me at those words, really looked, and I almost felt uncomfortable at how deeply her eyes peered into mine. She took a deep breath and let it out slow. “I like you too, James.”

Without warning the pillow was gone from her lap and she was crawling into my lap, settling her thighs around my hips and her hands taking hold of my shoulders. I felt a brief moment of shock before her lips were on mine, kissing me. I didn't hesitate to wrap my arms around her, hugging her body to mine as I deepened the kiss for her, my tongue sliding into her mouth and surprising myself at the moan that came from my throat. Her fingers dug into my shoulders, her pelvis pressing down into mine in a desperate search from friction, allowing me to feel the heat radiating at her center. One hand left my shoulder, sliding up the back of my neck and taking a firm hold of my hair at the root sending a shiver right down my spine that had a growl echoing from my throat.

It was then that she pulled away from me, looking surprised and shocked by her own actions as if my growl had snapped her out of whatever had sent her into my lap. Despite the hesitant look on her face my mouth was going for her throat, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin as she finally managed to speak.

“James, should we be doing this?” She panted. “I mean… is this a good idea?”

I knew she was worried about the consequences of this and what would happen after, but at the moment I didn’t give a damn about any of it. I was desperate to taste her, touch her, bury myself right into her until she was calling my name loud enough for everyone in this motel to know she was mine. I ignored her question, changing our positions until she was underneath me on the bed, kissing her again and pressing the growing  erection in my pants right against her.

I came up for air from her kiss, my mouth traveling down the column of her throat as my hands slid up her shirt, pushing it up and over her breasts. “You didn’t answer my question,” she moaned, gasping when I pulled down the cup of her bra and blew warm air on a peaked nippple.

“Let’s not worry about that right now, Sugar,” I managed to say before I closed my mouth over it, swirling my tongue around the nub before sucking it into my mouth and revelling at the pleased cry that came from her lips. “But if you want me to stop you just say the word.”

“James,” she sighed. I wasn’t sure if that was meant to be an answer or a cry for more, but hearing her sigh my name like that sent more blood rushing below and ramped up the urges already rushing through me, making me painfully hard.

My flesh hand slid down her body, under the waistband of her sweats, slipping right between her lips and hearing her gasp beneath me, her hips bucking right up into my hand. I slid my middle finger up and down gainst her, teasing her entrance with every downward swipe, looking down to see her eyes had closed and her bottom lip caught between her teeth, a mask of pure ecstasy on her face. _Fucking hell, she’s beautiful._

“Do you want me to stop?” I repeated it, knowing I would stop the moment she said too, wanting to respect her wishes, but hoping and praying that she wouldn’t. I chose that moment as I asked her to press two fingers right into her wet heat, my teeth clenching as her walls gripped them tightly. “Jesus you’re so tight.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped when I withdrew my fingers and slid them back into her, repeating the action until she was arching off the bed again, moaning loudly. “N-No. God, don’t stop, James.”

* * *

I don't know what came over me or why I dared to be so forward to crawl into the man’s lap and kiss him like he was the very air that I breathed. I had never been the type to make the first move when it came to guys or sex. But there was something about hearing Bucky admit that he was attracted to me, that he liked me, not just subtle hints passing back and forth, no allusions to it, just a real declaration from those gorgeous lips of his. It was something that I already knew of course, but knowing from implications and _hearing_ are two different things. And hearing it had only increased the tension between us to an unbearable level and I needed release from it.

And now suddenly I was laying underneath this gorgeous super soldier whose mouth felt amazing on my skin and his body is just the right weight atop me and that large flesh hand of his has two fingers inside of me and I can barely think.

“James-,” I tried to warn him that I was seconds from imploding, from completely coming undone on his fingers, surprised that he could work his magic on me so quickly. “I... I’m gonna...oh god.”

“That’s right,” he urged softly, leaning in to press his full lips against mine once more. “Cum for me. Right now.”

Like a slave to his command I did, the orgasm bursting right through me at an intensity that left me breathless and shuddering beneath him. He didn't stop his movements until the throb of the orgasm started to slow and I was left lying there out of breath and wondering just what the hell had happened. He wasted no time, kissing me once more before sitting up and pulling my sweats down my legs, quickly exposing me to him. I felt a blush touch my skin as he noticed that I wasn't wearing underwear, it was the something, along with a bra, that Captain America had neglected to provide when he brought me a change of clothes. I was surprised that he hadn't noticed when just a second ago he had his hand down my sweats. I tried to close my legs, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable, and he stopped me from doing so with a hand on each knee. He looked up at me with an arched questioning eyebrow and a half smirk on his face.

“Captain America must have been too embarrassed to get me underwear,” I explained with a nervous giggle and shrug.

His smirk widened. “Remind me to thank Steve for that later.”

It was during this brief pause in the pleasure torrent that he was providing that I started to doubt things, just as I had after first kissing him. I knew that there were a million reasons to do this, the fact that he was hot, that I liked him, that I was pretty sure the man was going to absolutely destroy me in the best way and Iris would completely approve, I could practically hear her cheering for me in my head, but there also were plenty of reasons _not_ to do it. But I couldn't seem to think of any of those reasons as I felt one warm hand and a cold metal one slide up the insides of my bare thighs, both leaving fire in their wake sending a shiver right through me and the only thing that I _could_ think was that I wanted the gorgeous super soldier. And I wanted him bad.  
  
And I knew he wanted me just as much from his smoldering gaze and the downright greedy way he was currently trailing wet kisses up my inner thigh. I braced myself for impact, my fingers gripping the sheets beneath me to anchor me to something because if he went down on women the way he kissed them, ravenously and just the right amount of tongue in just the right ways, he damn sure was about to send me rocketing to outer space.

I felt his warm breath first, firing up the sensitive nerves and making my breath stop right in my throat again. And then cold metal digits, a surprisingly pleasant shock, running lightly over me before pushing right inside my wet heat. He fingers moved teasingly slow and I felt impatience for more creep through me. He licked a slow stipe over me before his mouth closed over the sensitive bundle of nerves making me arch off the bed. He let out a pleased groan, urged on by my response to increase his efforts. Pleasure sped through me quickly, rolling in waves in time with his metal fingers pressing in and drawing back out before repeating while his mouth and tongue gave a generous amount of attention to my clit.

 _Oh my god I am going to cum again_ , the thought startled me as it crossed my brain. It something that had always been hard for me to do, especially with Patricks one sided bedroom skills. I had never orgasmed with him, not in the long 5 years of our relationship, having to wait until I was alone to complete the task myself with B.O.B, my battery operated boyfriend on the side. And Bucky had already managed to make it happen once with just his fingers and was well onto his way to making it happen a second time. The orgasms I was able to coax out myself were nothing like the storm that was brewing in my pelvis at Bucky’s ministrations, making my toes curl and every nerve in my body spark with pleasure. I could feel it bubbling, waiting for just the right swipe of his tongue over my clit, just one more press forward of his metal digits before it absolutely wrecked me and I was not ready.  
  
“James-mmm…I…I-,” I had to warn him that it was too much, too soon after the first one, and _too good_. And I was in no way prepared. “Please-.”  
  
I looked down when I couldn’t get the words out, too wrapped up in pleasure to actually form coherent sentences and made the mistake of locking onto those damn blue eyes, pupils wide and lust blown and predatory and I fell completely apart. The orgasm raged through me, intense and hard, touching everything and leaving fire in its wake and I screamed, _actually_ screamed. I waited for him to stop, knowing that he must have known he completed the task, but he continued with more vigor, dragging me right back to that point that I was at moments before sending another orgasm barreling through me before I could prepare myself, let alone brace for it. I was a trembling, panting, mewling mess when he sat up with lips wet with evidence of my orgasm and sucked his own metal digits into his mouth, licking them clean with a satisfied groan that had my eyes widening at the sight and my inner walls clenching in desire.

_Sweet infant baby Jesus, the man is filthy._

“Are you okay?” He had the audacity to ask as he looked down at me, crawling onto the bed and settling beside me, a confident and proud smile on his face.

 _No. I am not okay. I am nowhere near okay._ My heart was still pounding, everything was still tingling and I was certain that if I would try to stand I’d crumple right to the floor. The man had accomplished something no man had ever done before, made me have multiple orgasms just with his mouth and his fingers. I had not been expecting any of this. _How the hell can a man from the early 1900’s, an era of prudeness and all about men’s pleasure, while women were treated as second class walking, baby incubating, sex receptacles be so damn good at going down on women?_  
  
“Jade?”  
  
_Oh right, he asked me something_. I dared to look at him, finding the smirk had left and been replaced with a look of concern. “I’m…good…” I whispered, finally finding my voice and giving a single nod. “ Really good.”  
  
That proud smirk was back and he leaned in to kiss me again, hard and deep and tasting of me. I threw caution and all my reservations to the wind and matched his kiss, sliding one hand into that long soft hair of his and the other sliding down his stomach to feel him. His metal hand caught my wrist before I reached my destination making me pull away from his kiss with a frown.

He looked reluctant. “I uh…I don’t have _anything,_ ” he said glancing down at his prominent erection that looked like it was about to rip the denim of his jeans. I blinked in momentary confusion until I realized what he meant. _Oh. Crap._ I guess a condom wasn’t a necessary item to pack in your go bag. “So, as much as I’d love to continue, I think we should pump the brakes.”

I deflated slightly, but was also impressed and more attracted to him than I had been before. Any other man would have been happy to press on, protection or not, after what he had already started. And while I was clean and assumed he was too, I didn’t have my birth control pills and hadn’t taken one since the day before and as much as I liked the man, could very well- and probably would- fall in love with the man, I was not ready to carry his super soldier babies.  
  
“You’re right,” I agreed, still breathing heavily. “We should definitely pump the brakes.”  
  
He nodded again, looking tense before leaning in to kiss me again, as if he couldn’t help it, like a moth drawn to the flame. He gripped me tightly, pulling me against him, allowing me to feel all his hard and- _oh my god no wonder I had been so sore_ \- rather large arousal right against my thigh.

I paused the kiss, looking up at him. “Do you want me to…” I trailed off raising my eyebrows suggestively as he looked at me in confusion. _Of course he doesn't get what I mean._ I tried to reach for him again to show him, figuring that since we didn't have a condom the least I could do was return the favor. When he realized my intention, he stopped me again.

“I can’t let you do that, Sugar,” he said, his voice strained. “If you did I don’t think I could stop myself from taking you and after the very long and very thorough and very _unwanted_ conversation Steve had with me about sex and protection in the modern world,” I resisted the urge to laugh. Of course Steve had taken it upon himself to give Bucky ‘The Talk’. “I don’t want to take that chance and put you through anything…,” he paused and considered his next words carefully. “ _Unplanned_.”  
  
_And there he goes again, surprising and impressing me_. “You are definitely not a man of these times, James Buchanan Barnes,” I said with a smile, shaking my head.  
  
He laughed. “I know, but trust me,” he said, his voice low and husky and that predatory gaze returning. “When I get you back to my room at the compound, if you still want to do this, I promise you, you’ll happily be screaming my name all night.” He accented his last words by pulling me closer, allowing me to feel him again, a tingling heat rushed through me again. “And you’ll definitely remember it this time.”

_Oh my…_


	9. A Proper Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Jade’s motel stay continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I went out of town and it was impossible to write. But I wrote a nice long chapter to make up. And there’s even some smut in this chapter. Just a warning and you’re welcome. 
> 
> And again I dont speak Russian so....I left it up to google translate.

A cold shower was the only thing that got rid of the raging problem in my pants.

I leaned against the cold tile, letting the icy water fall over me to shock me out of my arousal. It had been so hard to pull away from Jade, especially with her laying there nearly naked, her eyes so full of want, and her lips so damn full and kissable and the lasting memory of what she sounded and _felt_ like as she came burned forever into my mind. I hadn’t expected for any of that to happen. I had expected her to be angry with me after the mess that I had gotten her into, for putting her life at risk and turning it all upside down, which included her job that I knew she loved and making her family and friends worry about her. I never thought for one second that she would crawl into my lap and kiss me like I had never been kissed before.

The girls from my time were not normally so forward, it took plenty of dates, persuasion, and flirting to get them to even kiss you and premarital sex was frowned upon. I had to settle for heavy petting and occasionally finding the one girl who lost all her reservations after I had gotten her to orgasm a few times with my touch or mouth that would let things go all the way. And then I had to boss them a bit, just a little dominance, most of them not knowing what to do in the first place without some direction. And if I was being honest, me being in control back then was a turn on for both parties, and now given that I had, had no control of my own life for so long, it still turned me on. But Jade had surprised me with her brazen behavior, crawling into my lap with a need, so overcome by her feelings that she didn’t care until I had snapped her out of it with my growl. 

But Steve’s voice had been in the back of my head like an annoying whisper and when I had wanted to bury myself in her so deeply that I would leave a lasting impression upon her it got louder. “ _Protection is important in this modern world, Bucky. People are… looser with their morals. Premarital sex isn’t an issue anymore. And there are diseases, new ones we hadn’t even heard of. Ones that don’t go away. And just like back in our time no woman wants an unplanned pregnancy. So wrap it up.”_ I had kicked him out of my room promptly after that, when he had tried to show me pictures of said diseases. He managed to force a box of condoms into my hands before I shoved him out, the very condoms that currently were sitting in my bedside table drawer. Condoms that I planned to use with Jade.

Still, I couldn’t help, but think of the consequences of what would happen if we continued on. If we had sex, if she became my girlfriend, if I fell for her, if I loved her. If I didn’t stop Hydra, something that was impossible, she would be in danger always just because I cared for her. They would use her to get to me, they were already doing it and I had taken her out to eat once. I knew that I _shouldn’t_ have sex with her, I shouldn’t have feelings for her, I shouldn’t bring her into my world or get into hers. But there was something about her, something that attracted me to her, something that made me forget all about what I should do whenever I looked at her, or when she looked at me, when she smiled, when she laughed. I didn’t know her very well, but from what I did know I liked her. I didn’t want to let her go. I wanted to take it further. I wanted her to like me. I wanted to see where it went and try something _normal._

I turned off the shower when I couldn’t stand it anymore, toweling myself off and redressing in my clothes. When I came out of the bathroom I found Jade sitting at the table, she had redressed and pulled her wild curls up into a bun, putting the dark red mark I had left on her neck on full display, something I didn’t think she was aware of. She smiled bashfully at me, her cheeks reddening the moment she looked at me and the urges returned. I found her incredibly beautiful, especially when she was shy or nervous and she smiled that hesitant smile at me. She was eating some beef jerky that Steve had brought and sipping water, and when I approached the table, scooting my chair closer to hers she offered the bag to me.

“How was your shower?” She asked as I reached into the bag to take some jerky. My stomach rumbled and I realized just how hungry I was.

“It was… effective,” I answered with a chuckle.

She laughed softly, catching my meaning and looking down. “James… I have a confession to make.”

 _Uh oh._ “Oh?” I said leaning back in my chair. “What’s that doll?”

She took a deep breath and looked at me, I felt my heart skip a beat. My mind went over the millions of things she could confess. _What if she’s really a Hydra agent? What if this is all a set up_? “I…ate your sandwich…” she admitted with a guilty look.

I let out a breathy laugh that mixed with my sigh of relief. “That’s alright,” I replied. “I’m sure you’re starving.”

She looked relieved. “I can feel my stomach eating itself.”

“Well we can’t have that can we?” I said rising to my feet and retrieving my discarded coat which held my phone.

“What are you doing?” She asked, looking puzzled.

“Ordering pizza,” I answered as if it were obvious.

She blinked. “Is that… safe?”

“It is when it’s delivered by Captain America. I’ll call Steve and have him bring something more substantial. I can’t have my girl starving to death.”

I went rigid when I realized what I had said. _My girl._ I dared a glance at her and found her with widened eyes and redder cheeks. _Great Barnes. Smooth._ I decided for once to keep my mouth shut, fearing making things worse if I tried to explain it or take it back, and dialed Steve. He answered on the first ring, assuming something was wrong of course before being relieved that I was only making a food request. He promised to come with pizza, Jade calling out that she wanted combination style and refused to eat pizza with pineapple on it. 

“He’s bringing pizza,” I said after hanging up, setting the phone aside.

“Thank god for Captain America, huh?” She huffed.

I nodded. “Yep.”

She sighed, rising from her chair. “James, can we talk?”

Another uh oh crossed my mind. I got the feeling she wasn’t going to confess to eating my share of the snacks again. “Sure, Doll. What’s on your mind?” I asked.

She walked over to the bed and almost sat down on it before changing her mind. The last time one of us had asked to talk and got on that bed some amazing things had happened, but things we couldn’t currently continue. The tension in the room was high, palpable. I wanted her. I knew she wanted me. She remained standing instead, a safe distance away from me, as though coming near me would be too much temptation for her. It _would_ be too much temptation for me. 

“About… what happened on the bed… the… when we…” she cleared her throat. “You know. I think that… we’re doing this all wrong…”

I felt confusion cross my features. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, we’re doing this all backwards. Like what happens when a guy and a girl meet. I mean we’ve already had sex. And we were about to do it again. And it’s not that I don’t want too, I mean I do. You’re very… talented,” she paused as she surveyed me, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slow with a shake of her head. “But… shouldn’t we go on a date? A proper one I mean. Before we complicate things further by sleeping together? I know we said we’d be friends, but I think we’re way past that point now so if we’re sleeping together or planning to we could at least go on a date first.”

I hesitated. “You want… to date me?” I didn’t know why that seemed to surprising. _You were just inside of her less than an hour ago Barnes. You called her “my girl”. She flat out told you she liked you. How is this a surprise for you?_

She laughed at my statement. “James, I _do_ like you, you know. Is that so impossible to believe? Especially after…” she glanced quickly at the bed. “I’m not saying I’m in love or anything, but I’d be willing to go out with you, in the evening, and eat at a restaurant and get to know each other more and we can call it a date,” she finished with a shrug.

Those damn butterflies were back, swarming around in my stomach, making my skin feel hot and putting a smile on my face. No one had, had this effect on me in a long, long time. I didn’t realize how much I missed the feeling until this exact moment.

“I’d like that, Jade. I’d like that a lot,” I answered.

She came closer, just a few steps before stopping. I realized I was moving too. My body moving of its own volition, drawn to hers. I came to a stop inches away from her, her looking up at me through her lashes. There was something about that look that sent the flames through me again.

“So we should restrain ourselves then,” she said softly. “From sex… until the date then? Just to keep things clear.”

I was nodding even though I liked nothing about that idea. Not one thing. I wanted to take her right then, bend her over the kitchenette table and hear those breathy little moans she made when she was close-.

“James.”

I snapped to attention. I had gotten carried away in my dirty thoughts. “Yeah?”

“So we agree?”

“Huh? Oh. Yes.”

“We’ll restrain ourselves until we go on a date… after this mess?” She elaborated.

I nodded again, even though my body, which suddenly had a mind of its own was stepping toward her again. She was close now, close enough that I could reach out and touch her hip, feel her muscles tense at my touch, and the small sigh she let out. She looked up at me then, her eyes full of want and hesitance, her lips parting, she wants to say something, but nothing came out. I touched her cheek, feeling a spark the moment my skin touched hers and her eyes slid close. The tension rose, wrapping around us like a thick blanket.

“James,” she breathed, finally finding her voice.

“Yes?”

“We… we said we’d...”

“I know...”

I kissed her, unable to help myself, my arms wrapping around her waist to pull her against me as she moaned into my mouth and rose on tip toe to meet me. Her arms came around my neck, pulling me down, her kiss matching mine. I knew what she had said, that we should restrain ourselves, but I was hungry for her. I had, had a taste and I wanted more. It has been too long, well too long since I could remember, she had awoken something in me that was desperate to be sated. _Needed_ to be sated.

She pulled away from me panting, pushing against my chest to put some distance between us. “We should stop… before…” she let out a heavy breath. “Before we do something we just agreed to restrain ourselves from.”

I forced myself to move my hands away from her body, then step backward. My body felt an irritation at the absence. I wiped my mouth, trying to remove the taste of her. It didn’t work. “Right. Sorry.”

She shook her head and cleared her throat again, changed the subject. “How long till Steve gets here?”

“Shouldn’t be long,” I said moving away from her as much as I could. I needed distance to keep the temptation at bay. There weren’t many places to go in the small confined space and I was not up for another icy shower. I ended up on the bed picking up the book that was sitting on the bedside table. “I’m just gonna watch some TV.”

“Oh good,” She wandered back to the kitchenette and sat down helping herself to more jerky. I was thankful she didn’t join me. It would have been too much.

_God this woman is gonna be the death of me._

We watched television, her from the table, me from the bed, and the tension never dissipated. I was relieved when I heard the sounds of someone entering the access code into the door, sitting up from where I had reclined on the bed, jumping to my feet and hurrying to the door to remove the chain. I pulled it open before Steve could, stopping when I saw that he wasn’t alone. Sam Wilson stood behind him. _Great he brought the bird._ I had a love/hate relationship with Sam. Most days I liked him, I’d even call him a friend, and then there were the other days where I had to resist the strong temptation to punch him.

“Oh thank god,” I heard Jade call behind me before anyone could speak. She was out of her chair and rushing towards us. “Steve I could kiss you right now,” she exclaimed brushing past me. And she did. She leaned around the pizza boxes in his hands and kissed him right on the cheek with a wet smack. Steve turned red instantly, smiling sheepishly at her and glancing warily at me. I frowned. “I’m starving to death!” She took the pizza boxes out of his hands and made for the table, pausing briefly to look back at Steve and Sam. “Oh, and hi Mr. Falcon.”

“It’s Sam,” Sam chuckled. “And hello to you too.”

She nodded at him and went back to the table, opening the boxes and groaning at the sight of the still steaming pizza. She made no hesitations about waiting for me or anyone else, pulling out a slice and sliding into a chair as she took her first bite which called another groan out of her.

I stepped back so Steve and Sam could enter, shuttling the door behind them. Sam was still watching Jade, something I noticed and didn’t like. “Damn that girl can eat,” he commented with amusement.

I ignored him. “Any word on our Hydra situation?” I asked in a low voice, standing closely to them so Jade didn’t hear.

“Don’t you worry about that,” Steve said. “I told you I got it covered.”

“I know you got it covered, but do you have any intel or-.”

Steve raised a hand. “I told you that I have it covered. You just worry about keeping Jade safe here.”

“Sounds like Bucky is getting the fun job while we have to do all the hard work,” Sam mumbled making me turn my scowl on him. He was still watching Jade.

My blood began to boil. “Watch it, Bird,” I warned with a glare.

“Don’t start you two,” Steve said in his fatherly tone. He was always playing referee between us.

Sam still hadn’t stopped looking at her. “I gotta tell ya, Bucky, I never thought you’d be down with the swirl.”

“Down with the what? What the hell is he talking about?” I asked looking to Steve.

“He means being in an interracial relationship. Cut it out, Sam,” Steve said nudging him with his elbow.

“What? I’m just saying! I mean,” he tilted his head as he watched Jade enjoying her slice of pizza, somehow completely oblivious to our whispered conversation. “I don’t blame you man she’s…something else.”

I felt my fists clench, but before I could punch his lights out like I desperately felt the need to do at the moment, Steve was puttting a hand on my chest, noticing something. “Is that… a _hickey_ on Jade’s neck?”

 _Oh here we go._ “Calm down, Dad. We didn’t do anything.”

Steve huffed. “Uh, the evidence says otherwise,” he said pointing at her.

I hit his hand out of the air and gave him a warning glare. I didn’t want to see her get all embarrassed and flushed again because of Steve’s lack of subtlety. Even though I found it incredibly adorable. “Will ya stop it? We just kissed…a lot…and some other stuff, okay? That’s all. Nothing that’s gonna put a super soldier kid in her. Trust me I remember your whole PSA about the need for condoms. I’m scarred for life from it. Now stop it before she hears you.”

“‘And some other stuff’?” Steve looked at me incredulously ignoring the rest of what I said. “What does that mean?”  
  
“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” I shrugged.  
  
Sam seemed confused. “Wait you don’t want the man getting some action?”

“No, I just want him getting some action safely,” Steve rolled his eyes.

“Good lord, stop cockblocking the man. He can pull out for god sake,” Sam frowned at Steve.  
  
Steve shook his head in response to Sam’s declaration. “Statistics say that pulling out is only-.”  
  
“Can you not start with your Wikipedia statistics right now,” Sam cut in holding up a hand. “I should have never showed you how to google.”  
  
Steve looked offended. “I do not use Wiki-.”  
  
Sam cut him off. “He’s your friend. Your best friend. You’re supposed to be helping him out and encouraging this kind of stuff. You know be his _wingman_.”  
  
“I am! But it doesn't mean I want him having a kid with someone he barely knows!” Steve replied back in a harsh whisper, motioning to Jade.  
  
_Oh for Christ sake._ I rubbed my eyes in frustration. Today was definitely a hate day for Sam _and_ Steve.  
  
“Can we talk about something else please?” I questioned through clenched teeth.

Sam and Steve shared a glance, but fell silent. “I see being with her has done nothing to change your grumpy attitude,” Sam grumbled shoving his hands in his pockets.

I met his comment with a scowl, turning to Steve. “Why did you bring him again?”  
  
Steve chuckled. “And that is our cue to leave.”  
  
“What did I do?” Sam asked pointing to himself. “I was on his side.”  
  
Steve ignored him, shooing him toward the door. “We’ll be back at 7 am sharp. Come on Sam,” he paused to turn back to where Jade was reaching for a third slice. “Goodbye Jade.”

“Bye!” She called waving, happily taking a bite of her pizza.

Steve and Sam exited the room and I shut the door behind them before heading to the table to join Jade. She was already offering me a slice before my butt hit the chair. We sat at the table talking while we ate, she seemed to relax once she got some food in her and was telling me stories about her work experiences again, about her mom and dad, and about Iris and Iris’s nieces and nephews who she was close too. I still loved to listen to her talk. I felt like I could do it for hours. Before I knew it we were done eating and sitting on the bed together, side by side and leaning our backs against the headboard, Jade had shifted the conversation away from herself and to me and my immersion into the modern world. 

“What movies have you seen?”  
  
“I don’t really watch too many movies.”  
  
“Well have you seen any movies since waking up in the 21st century?”  
  
“Ummm….I saw Casablanca that was pretty good.”  
  
She frowned. “Oh my god, James, that movie is almost as old as you. I mean something recent?”  
  
I shook my head. “The guys at the compound have a regular movie night but I always skip it. Natasha picks the worst movies and Clint takes up the good couch and Sam hogs the popcorn and Thor asks too many questions and Tony always falls asleep halfway through and snores.”  
  
She laughed. “The Avengers have movie night? That’s adorable. Sounds fun.”  
  
I huffed. “Well feel free to stop by any Wednesday night and be subjected to torture.”  
  
She hesitated, a blush touching her cheek before she even spoke. “Maybe you’d enjoy a movie night at my place better? I could kick Iris out and I could cook for you and introduce you to some quality films…?”  
  
“I don’t know is it really worth the risk to your life to watch a movie together?” I joked and then immediately regretted it. _Yes, Barnes, just remind her how dangerous it is to be in your vicinity when she’s trying to ask you out._  
  
She smiled shyly. “I’d risk it… for you.”  
  
My throat went dry and I felt my own cheeks heat up. I got the sudden urge to kiss her again in that moment and licked my lips, looking away before I did. _Restraint, Barnes. Restraint._ “Well if you’re willing to risk it, I’d love too.”  
  
“Good, we’ve already planned the proper date then.”  
  
I nodded, smiling at her. “Yeah, it’s a date.”

* * *

I couldn’t sleep.

It was nearing midnight and I was full from the pizza and the motel bed was surprisingly comfortable, but after laying there in the darkness I still hadn’t managed to drift off. We had decided to go to bed after Bucky reminded me of how early Steve was showing up to transport us and the fact that neither of us had gotten much sleep since last night. I had felt exhausted when I had first climbed into the bed, but now laid there with wide open eyes, staring at the wall, my mind racing, replaying everything that had happened in the past 24 hours.  
  
Bucky was in the bed behind me, a safe distance away, so that temptation didn’t get the better of us. I was happy that we had come to an agreement about our situation, something that I had been warring with myself about since the steamy encounter we had earlier. He had been nothing, but a gentleman since the decision, not touching me once despite promising to have me screaming his name once he got me back to his room; surprising me at how quickly he went from a confident sex god to a quiet sweet gentleman like he had flipped some switch. But I was thankful he had because if he had touched me again I didn't think I would have been able to resist.

It was why I had brought up the idea of restraining ourselves until we had a proper date, until we knew each other better, until I had any idea of just what the hell was happening. I had started out not wanting to date. Not wanting to be anything more than friends, but quickly had to come to terms with the fact that I liked the guy, especially after everything that had happened. And I did want to give him a chance. I figured it was the least that I could do, after he had saved my life and was protecting me. And there was also the fact that the man was gorgeous and that there was just something about him that made it hard to think clearly and made me want to be in his arms. I did want to see what happened and where things took us. But I had to have a modicum of respect for myself and at least have a date with him before I gave it up so easily... _again._

 _God this is gonna be hard._  
  
“What’s on your mind doll?”  
  
I jumped at the sound of Bucky’s voice. I had thought that he had fallen asleep already. He hadn’t made a peep for the past hour while I was staring at the wall. “Jesus, James, are you trying to give me a heart attack?” I asked rolling over to find him lying on his back, one arm bent with his head resting on his hand. I settled onto my side facing him.  
  
“Sorry,” he replied with a soft chuckle. “Can’t sleep?”  
  
“Yeah…I just have a lot on my mind.”  
  
“I know you do,” he sighed reaching across the distance between us and taking my hand in his. He did it so naturally, like we were a regular couple sharing a bed. I felt heat race up my arm at the simple contact, surprising me at my body’s reaction to the innocent touch. “I’m sorry-.”  
  
“James, you don’t have to keep apologizing. It’s really not your fault.”  
  
He shifted on the bed, turning his body to face mine which brought him a little closer. I immediately felt a pull from him, a desire to scoot closer, like we were magnetized to each other. I resisted the urge. “It feels like it is,” He said. “I got you into this mess and you might lose your job which I know you love from the way you talk about it and...and I don’t think I can ever make up for it.”  
  
_Well you were off to a good start earlier_ , I thought my mind going back to what had transpired between us. The heat intensified at the memory and there was a noticeable wetness between my thighs.  
  
I tried to swallow down the desire that was welling up in me. “You don’t have to make it up to me, James. Like I said it’s not your fault.”  
  
His hand released mine and moved to my face, sending tingles as his fingers grazed my cheek. I bit back the moan that wanted to fall from my lips at the pleasure of his touch. “I promise I am gonna get you out of this and back to your normal life,” he said softly catching my gaze with hypnotizing blue eyes.  
  
I nodded once, my body scooting closer to his on instinct caught in his gravitational pull and lost in his blue gaze, unable to withstand his siren call. There was still distance between us, but not much. “I know you will,” I replied in a soft voice.

The air in the room changed, it got heated and electric and then he was scooting again, closing the space between us, his body touching mine, and this time I couldn’t bite back the moan in time. It fell from my lips as I was pressed into him, my chest to his, his breath warm against my cheek.  
  
“You make it really hard to resist you, doll,” he sighed his fingers leaving my cheek to slide around the back of my neck, rubbing the nape, sending shivers down my spine.  
  
_Doll. Sugar_. Those damn pet names, the way they sounded coming off his lips, in that rough tone of his and with that hint of an accent I couldn't quite place, made me hot just from the sound. And combined with his touch I was quickly forgetting about any arrangements made. _How do we keep ending up here?_  
  
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he continued.

My heart started to race in my chest and I was breathless. “I-I’m not doing anything,” I stammered out in a whisper _._  
  
“Oh, but you are,” his arm encircled me and pressing me into him further and I could feel _everything_. _Oh god_. “You’re just so damn beautiful,” he leaned in, his lips brushing mine as he spoke in a husky whisper. “And I can’t stop thinking about how you sound when you cum,” _And the sex god is back._ “And how fucking amazing you feel when you do.” He kissed me swallowing another moan that involuntarily fell from my lips.

 _And I’m a goner_.

His hand slid down the side of my body, slipping under my shirt to caress my stomach, fingertips tracing circles just below my belly button. I felt like my whole body was on fire. I was practically dripping. _My god he’s barely touched me_.

“James,” I whimpered. “We should...mmm should... oh god.”

His mouth was on my throat again, sucking on that spot of my neck that made the base of my spine tingle. “I know, Doll. I know,” he groaned.

Still he didn’t stop. His mouth traveled up to my jaw before he was kissing my lips again. My hands curled into fists around the material of his shirt already feeling on edge from the anticipation and tension alone. The ache that had started the moment he had taken my hand was burning now and I needed _something_.  
  
_Screw it. Forget the proper date._  
  
“James,” I pulled away from his kiss, feeling bold and demanding in my heated state. “Touch me.”  
  
I heard a deep rumble in his chest at my request, one hand sliding up to grab a handful of my curls and pull my head back, exposing my throat further. I yelped in surprise, my inner walls clenching and aching. _Mr. Metal likes it a little rough._ “Ask me nicely,” he growled, teeth nipping at the sensitive flesh above my pulse. _And he’s bossy._  
  
“Please,” I whispered shamelessly. I figured we were past that point now. “Please touch me.”  
  
“Good girl,” he praised, his flesh hand moving to slide into the waistband of my sweats, before kissing me again.  
  
He groaned in satisfaction to what he found there, me dripping with arousal, my hips grinding down against his palm that pressed against me, rotating in small circles trying to create the friction I craved. The ache was relentless and I would take relief in anyway that I could get it. He pushed his knee between my legs, spreading them and effectively making me straddle his leg on my side. I could feel his need pressed right at my abdomen and when my body, which suddenly had a goal of its own, rocked against his it rubbed along his erection coaxing a moan from him. It was the sexiest sound I ever heard.  
  
“You are so wet and tight,” he sighed, his pointer and middle finger sliding easily between my folds and into me. “God, you feel amazing.”  
  
I gasped loudly, feeling my walls clamp down on his fingers tightly, my body immediately starting to work myself on the thrusting digits, rubbing against the hardness between us simultaneously. I heard Bucky’s breath hitch in his throat, the soft moan that escaped his lips, felt him press his erection against my moving body and knew immediately that he was benefiting from the friction between us. It only turned me on more to hear his response, to know that he was getting some pleasure out of this and we weren’t even having sex.  
  
“Oh god!” I whimpered when Bucky’s thumb joined the party and began circling my clit in time to his thrusting fingers, sending me rushing faster to the edge. “James, please.” 

He groaned right at my ear, spurring me on, speeding up his movements, which only made me rub against him faster. He hissed sharply at the increased speed. “ _Jesus,_  you keep that up and I’m gonna cum in my damn jeans.”  
  
His words sent a rush through me. I felt ravenous for his touch, for his mouth, for everything about him. Something that was foreign to me. I had never felt like this about anyone. I had never considered myself a sexual person. I could live without it. It wasn’t something that I needed like Iris insisted. But _this_. It was becoming quite clear that if we kept on, if it was always this _good,_ then I wouldn’t be able to live without _this_. I reached up and slid my fingers into his hair, hearing his growl in response just before my lips found his in a searing kiss.  
  
His fingertips turned upward and putting pressure on that spot, making me arch into him. He beckoned me towards orgasm, curling his fingers and calling to me repeatedly over that same spot. The storm was brewing again, ready to blow through me, I felt my legs start to shake and my fingers dig into his scalp. I tried to keep the orgasm at bay, to savor that moment of ecstasy, being right on the edge, all the build up and all the pleasure sitting there, waiting to explode.  
  
“Come on,” he ordered. “Be a good girl and cum.”  
  
I felt the first lightning strike of the storm before it raged and the orgasm burst through me. I was crying out again, long and loud, my head thrown back, whole body tense and shivering as the orgasm throbbed for what seemed like forever until it finally began to die down. I struggled to catch my breath, to regain some composure, looking at Bucky to see him staring down at me with lust blown eyes. The orgasm may have died down, but the desire within me hadn’t. I wanted him and I suddenly didn’t care that we didn’t have protection or that this probably wasn’t a good idea. I needed to be filled. I needed more than this second and third base back seat of the car stuff. I wanted the real deal.  
  
He gave me another needy kiss, pulling away, panting as hard as I was. “I want you,” he growled against my lips. “God, I want you so bad.”  
  
“James, please… I need… Please.” I was begging again, unable to form a coherent demand. I needed _more_. So much more.  
  
“You’re killing me,” he groaned. His fingers continued to move in and out of me slowly pushing me right back to the place where I was before. “We shouldn’t Sugar... We should stop…” He continued to kiss me even as he spoke, his words falling right into my lips.

“I know,” I breathed, but I didnt want too, pressing into him again to show him just how much I didn’t want too. “But I want too... please.”

He hesitated, just a few seconds, his eyes searching mine. I could see the battle he was having with himself, but the reservations slipped away quickly, and his mouth was back on mine. It turned into a mad rush then, his mouth trying to stay attached to mine or any other part of me that it could, while trying to undress me. My hands were on his belt, undoing it quickly, pulling it from the loops and tossing it off the bed before going for the button. Soon my sweats were discarded on the floor, my shirt and bra quickly followed, his shirt was off and his jeans undone, pushed halfway down his hips as he settled between my legs.  
  
I was tensed in preparation, ready for the mixture of pleasure and pain that I knew was coming. To say that he was big was to say the least and I vividly remembered the soreness I felt when I woke up the morning after our drunken sex. I could feel the thick, length of him against my inner thigh and my hips lifted towards it anxiously. Bucky’s mouth left mine, his hand came down on my hip, holding me down to the mattress, preventing me from moving.  
  
“Be still,” he commanded. I stilled immediately, licking my lips and staring up into those blue eyes waiting for him to do _something_. I could see the hesitation had come back now that we were close to the task. “Are you sure?” He breathed leaning in until our noses touched and his lips were less than an inch away from mine.  
  
I nodded. I was very sure that this was what I wanted. I was taking the Iris advised approach. Screw now, consequences later.  
  
“Use you words,” he said in that commanding tone that I was growing to love.  
  
“Y-yes, I’m sure,” I stammered quickly, marveling at my ability to actually string three words together that were meant to be together.  
  
His hips pressed forward slowly, one hand wrapped around himself as a guide, I could feel his thick head teasing my opening. “If I hurt you, you say the word and I’ll stop.”  
  
“I will. I will,” I whimpered impatiently. _Just screw my brains out already._  “Please-.”

He stilled above me, his body tensing, his eyes snapping open and darting to the window. _Uh oh_.  
  
“James? What’s wrong?”  
  
He said nothing, only remained still, head tilted, eyes on the black out curtains as if he were listening to something I couldn’t hear. I strained to hear what he heard, and heard nothing. He jumped to his feet, pulling his jeans up and rushing to the window, moving the curtain, just enough to peek one eye out and his face set into a frown.  
  
“Jade,” he said as I sat up, pulling the sheet up to cover myself. “ Get your clothes back on. Now.”

* * *

I had been so wrapped up in her that I had almost missed it. The unmistakable sound of a large engine approaching, larger than any vehicle that Steve would typically be driving, it was something heavy, armored. It was when I focused that I could really hear it, the different voices inside, the sound of the safety being turned off of assault rifles as they were cocked. _How the hell did they find us?_ I had frozen above her, prepared to enter into her heaven, having to pull away from her felt like dying. But checking the window I could see the large armored vehicle right outside in the empty parking lot.

They were here. For me. For _her_.  
  
There were at least 6 of them, maybe more from the different voices I had heard. They hadn’t exited the vehicle yet, they were still going over the plan, checking and loading their weapons. They would storm the door, secure the asset, me, and the girl if need be. They assumed that we were sleeping given the late hour and that they would have the element of surprise. That was their first mistake.  
  
“Jade,” I called to her, looking back to see that she was still on the bed, looking confused and worried, clutching the sheet to her chest. “Get your clothes back on. Now.”  
  
She didn't hesitate, she was out of the bed and pulling her sweats back on in a second as I righted my clothes and went for the handgun that I had hidden in the bedside table. I had to get her out. There was no way that I could protect her against 6 armed men with just me. There was a window in the bathroom, it was high and small, but she could fit through with a minor struggle. She could get back to the city in a few hours on foot if she hauled ass and stayed headed east. They wouldn't expect me to send her out alone, not if they assumed we were sleeping. I had minutes, if not seconds, to get her out.  
  
I turned the safety off the gun, cocked it, and went for my go bag, pulling out a wad of cash and my cellphone before retrieving her discarded messenger bag, and putting the gun, money, and my phone, which still had a good amount of charge, inside. I looked up to see her standing near the bed, fully clothed and shoes on, her eyes wide with panic. I walked to the bed and pulled out the assault rifle I had stashed beneath it, pulling the strap over my body to hang at my back before I put the messenger bag over body, leaving it hanging across her. She didn't say anything as I took her by the arm and pulled her with me to the bathroom. I shut the door behind us and climbed onto the toilet to reach the window, unlocking it and pushing it open.  
  
“James,” her voice was shaking. She was shaking. “What’s happening?”  
  
“They’re here, they’re coming in any second,” her eyes widened.  
  
“They can't do anything here right? The motel has to be full of people...r-right?” She reasoned.  
  
“Go out the window, run as far as you can to the east, towards the city, find a place, somewhere public, call Steve tell him the safe house has been compromised. You shoot anyone that comes near you before then. You hear me? I mean anyone that isn’t me. You trust _no one,_ but Steve. The safety is off so be careful.”  
  
She was already shaking her head before I had even finished, her eyes darting up to the window and back at me. “James I-I have never shot a gun and...and... t-that window is too small, what about you?”  
  
“You just point and shoot, doll. And don’t worry about me. I’m gonna hold them off and then I will catch up,” I offered her my hand, grabbing her wrist when she stood there frozen. I pulled her up to the toilet with me, her hands immediately clinging to me. I could hear doors to the vehicle opening outside. “Go, Jade. Now.”  
  
“James, I-I can't just leave you- I can’t-,” she stuttered.  
  
“I’ll be fine. You have to go.”  
  
“No. I can’t. I just can’t! I-.”  
  
“Jade!” I snapped as I heard the sound of footsteps approaching the door. She startled at the boom of my voice and fell silent. I sighed, taking her face into my hands, running my thumbs across her soft cheeks. Her eyes were watery as she looked up at me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I can’t let them get you. They would...I just can’t. So you have to go. Please. I will be fine.” I kissed her then, pouring as much passion as I could into a seconds long kiss; turning her towards the window when I pulled away, lifting her up by the hips so she could reach. She gripped the sides of the frame, but still paused to look down at me, her brown eyes full of fear. I could hear their whispers at the door. They were counting down. _Shit_. I tried to smile at her, to be reassuring, anything to just get her out. “Go, Sugar,” I called up to her. “Please go.”  
  
She pulled the bag from her body and dropped it out the window first before hoisting herself up and wiggling through the window. I was right. She fit through. I heard her feet hit the ground outside, followed by a pained grunt and then her scrambling to her feet, her hurried footsteps and pants as she ran away. It was then that I heard the room door burst open.

* * *

Pain shot up my legs when I landed on the cement ground, barely managing to stay upright before taking off in a run down the back of the long building. _East. East. Which way is fucking east?!_ The amount of panic and fear that I felt that night when Hydra had first tried to take me was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. And I was leaving James behind to fend for himself, something that I hadn’t wanted to do, knowing that I might never see him again. He had said that he would catch up, but I realized that he didn’t tell me where to meet him. Didn’t put a plan in place for me to find him again. A sense of dread came over me at that thought, that he had sent me out alone to sacrifice himself. That he would be back under Hydra’s control, the things that they would do to him, the things that they would make him do. 

 _He’ll catch up. He will. He found me last time. He will find me again._  
  
I jumped when I heard the sounds of gunshots behind me, stopping and pressing myself into the wall, looking back in the direction of the room. I got the strong urge to go back, feeling the need to do something, but knowing I would be useless. I would just be another distraction. I would do him no good going back there. _Steve_. I _have to call Steve. He will come._ _He’ll get Bucky and he will fix it._ I resumed running, to put distance between me and the building. I would get to the trees and hide there to make the call. I rounded the corner of the building, trying to get to to the tree line when I bumped right into something that felt like a brick wall sending me falling backward.  
  
My butt hit the ground hard, looking up to find the Hans Gruber wanna be standing over me with a smile on his face, his arms crossed over his chest.

_Oh shit._

“Ah, there you are, домашнее животное,” he taunted. “Did you miss me?”

I dug inside the messenger bag blindly and quickly, feeling the weight of the gun handle in my hand before pulling it out and aiming it right at him with shaking hands, my heart pounding in my chest. _Shoot him. Just shoot him. James told you too. Just do it_. My finger was on the trigger, but I was filled with hesitation. I had never fired a gun. I didnt even like violence. I was definitely a lover, not a fighter.  
  
Hans Wanna Be seemed completely unphased by the gun aimed at him, he actually laughed. “Has Активы taught you to shoot?” he said stepping towards me. “How cute.”  
  
_Do it Jade. Pull the trigger. Show this smug asshole that you aren’t helpless._  
  
My finger tightened on the trigger, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I just couldn’t. I felt shame at my own cowardice. I didn’t drop the gun though. “Who the hell are you? What do you want?” I found my voice finally, I struggled to keep it steady.  
  
“My name is Dimitri,” he touched his chest. _I prefer Hans_. “ And I want you, домашнее животное.”  
  
“Stop calling me that,” I had no idea what it meant, but I knew I didn’t like it. “You want me for what?”  
  
He looked up thoughtfully as though he were choosing his words. “To give Активы a little motivation to…cooperate,” he said as though it should have been obvious. He knelt down so we were eye level. “We’ve been watching him for months, waiting and waiting, for him to show a sign of weakness. Something that would make it easier to bring him home.” I felt my teeth clench at the use of that word. Bucky was home already. “And we thought it might never happen… and then you came along. And he’s smiling and nervous outside of your apartment and we just knew then that now was our chance.”  
  
“He barely knows me. We went on one date,” I snapped. “And it wasn’t really a date!”  
  
Dimitri chuckled again. “And yet he protects you so fiercely and I see his mark on your neck.”  
  
My heart skipped a beat in my chest at those words and one hand went to my neck I hadn’t realized that he had marked me but the way he had been sucking on my neck I was not that surprised. I tried to think up a lie for it, an explanation of why, something to dissuade this man's idea of my importance to Bucky, but could think of nothing. Bucky had put his life on the line for me. He could have just let them take me. He could have left me on my own. And he hadn’t. He’d been worried and protective of me from the start. And they knew. And if they had only come after him because I had come into his life this meant that it was all my fault.  
  
He continued at my silence. “Now, you can come willingly, and I won’t hurt that pretty face. Or you can make this hard by trying to shoot me and force my hand.”  
  
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t fight him. I knew that much. And for some reason I couldn’t bring myself to pull the trigger. _Fuck._ My thoughts went to Bucky. “I-If I come willingly, do you promise not to hurt James?”  
  
He laughed again. I hated the sound of it. “Ah, домашнее животное, I’m hoping that if I have you it will make him promise not to hurt me,” he said jokingly as he touched his chest.  
  
“What are you going to do to him?” I was afraid of the answer.  
  
“Like I said bring him home,” he straightened. “And if he cooperates, comes willingly, I promise that I won’t hurt him or you. Trust me, he’s no good to me hurt or dead.”  
  
I didn’t have very many options. This I knew. I was going one way or the other. I couldn't fight him and I knew that I didn't have it in me to shoot anyone. But at least this way they wouldn’t hurt James. He could get us out of this. I lowered the gun and Dimitri’s smile widened, he offered me a hand which I reluctantly took, allowing him to yank me to my feet. He took the gun from my hand and took my arm, held me firmly, rounding the building and dragging me along.  
  
I could hear the sounds of chaos as we approached the room that had been the safe room. There were two armed men in tactical gear outside, guns aimed, waiting for James to come out. James was fighting for his life inside from what I assumed and from the sounds of fighting and faint pains and groans I could hear outside . I was surprised that no other guests had come out, that the no management staff had either, but then noticed the empty parking lot, the fact that the window that led to the office was darkened and had the closed sign on display. Was anyone else even here? Dimitri neared the room and came to a stop, pointing the gun in the air and firing off, yelling in a booming voice that made me flinch.  
  
“У меня есть твоя игрушка. Выходите добровольно, и я не убью ее!”

 _I really am going to have to get a Russian to English dictionary_.  
  
The sounds of the struggling from inside the room stopped abruptly, and soon Bucky’s broad frame darkened the door. He was holding an assault rifle which he had aimed right at Dimitri. His face fell at the sight of me and Dimitri grabbed me, pulling me against his chest just as he had the night he tried to kidnap me. The cold metal of the gun barrel was pressed against my temple and my heart stuttered in my chest. Bucky’s face fell into a mask of rage and he stepped towards us prompting Dimitri to cock the gun.  
  
“One more step and I shoot her.”  
  
Bucky froze, but maintained his aim.  
  
Bucky’s face softened as his eyes found mine. I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I wanted to apologize, to tell him that I _tried_  to get away. None of it came out. “It’s okay, Sugar,” he said, surprising me, like he could read my mind. His eyes went back to Dimitri. “Let her go,” he called lowering the weapon and raising his hands in surrender. “Let her go and I will come with no fight.”  
  
“On your knees,” Dimitri replied. “Toss the gun away.”  
  
Bucky slowly sank to his knees, tossing the gun away as he was told before putting his hands behind his head on instinct. Dimitri nodded wordlessly to one of the other soldiers who went to the van and retrieved a heavy metal bar with cuffs on the ends, which he used to roughly restrain Bucky. The soldier stood behind him, with the gun aimed right at his head.  
  
“Okay you got me now let her go,” Bucky growled.  
  
Dimitri nodded again and the soldier behind Bucky hit him with the butt of his gun, hard and right in the back of the head. He fell forward, unconscious. I felt my stomach drop. “No! You said you wouldn’t hurt him!”  
  
He shrugged. “I lied.”  
  
I didn’t see him raise the gun, only felt the bluntness of it strike me before I was falling. I was unconscious before I hit the ground.


	10. Suppression

Someone was shaking me. Shaking me right back into consciousness. I could hear a desperate voice, familiar and pleading, saying my name off in the distance, begging me to wake up. I groaned, trying to reach up and touch my still throbbing head, and my eyes snapped open abruptly when I realized that I couldn’t. My hands were still cuffed behind my back.

It was dark, too dark. It took my eyes a moment to adjust but I could see a figure leaning over me, felt something dripping down onto my face. After a few seconds my eyes finally adjusted and I could make out Jade’s panicked features, could see the rivers of tears streaming down her face. It was her tears that were falling on my face.

I looked at our surroundings, feeling my stomach drop when I recognized just where we were. We were in a cell. A small one with four cement walls, one metal door, and a caged overhead light that was currently off. Only a thin sliver of light shining in from a slim break in the concrete that you could call a window for a lack of a better term. There was a twin sized metal frame with the saddest mattress you would ever see atop it with no sheet or blanket or pillow, and there was a metal toilet in the corner, and a sink. It was _my_ cell. The cell that they kept me in between missions when I wasnt on ice, when I was allowed to rest, or when I was being punished. I could still see the marks from my metal fists in the walls.

Jade was crying, sniffling, talking, but I couldn’t understand a word she was saying, her hands gripping the material of my shirt. I forced myself upward, leaning against the cement wall behind me. I wanted to hold her, knowing that she was scared and panicked, but the best I could do was lean forward putting my forehead against hers.

“Jade, Sugar, listen to me,” I said. “Calm down. Take a deep breath,” she fell silent, breathing so hard I knew she was seconds away from hyperventilating. “Come on. Deep breath,” I repeated.

She looked at me hesitantly, but did as she was told, pulling away from me to straighten, breathing in deeply as her eyes slid closed and letting it out slow. She repeated the action two more times as I nodded. When she opened her eyes again I could still see the panic and fear.

I spoke softly. “It’s going to be okay, alright? I promise. It’s going to be okay.” It felt like a lie, but I wanted her to calm down. 

“Where are we? What are they going to do?” She questioned frantically.

“We’re somewhere in Russia. I know that much,” I sighed looking around again. “This is my old cell.”

She looked around as well, her face falling. “This...this is where they kept you?”

I nodded. “Sometime’s, yeah.”

Sadness crossed her features, so did pity. “Oh James,” she breathed.

“Stop it, Sugar. I need you to keep it together for me okay? Just keep breathing. Stay calm. Can you do that for me?”

She nodded, wiping at her eyes, taking another deep breath. “Y-yeah. I can.”

“Good… good.”

I didn’t know what they brought her for. I knew they wanted me back, but she served no purpose to them. All they had to do was wipe me, brainwash me again, and say my trigger words and I’d be completely under their control. They didn’t need to bring her along to do that, which only set worry in my gut. Because if she had no purpose then that meant that they intended to kill her. They were just leaving her in here to toy with me, to remind me of what I was going to lose, to punish me for getting away. The thought of them hurting her filled me with rage. My fists clenched behind my back and I struggled to remain calm for her, not wanting to scare her any more than she already was.

“Do you know how long we’ve been here?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “No, I tried waking you as soon as I woke up. It was dark and I panicked and got scared which is why I turned into a crying mess,” she wiped at her eyes and rolled them at herself. “I’m such a mess.”

“Jade, that’s okay...I just...I need you to listen to me,” I took a deep breath and caught her eyes with mine. “They’re gonna change me back and when they do that...I’ll be completely under their control and when I am under their control they might…” I stopped short, shaking my head at the thought.

“Might what?” She asked worriedly.

“They might try to make me hurt you,” I finished. “If...if that happens...you take me out if you get the chance you hear me?” Her face fell and she looked at me in disgust, shaking her head at those words, mumbling no. “Yes, Jade, listen, they could make me hurt you. They...they could make me...kill you.” Her eyes widened in the darkness. “And I mean it, if you get the chance, _any opportunity_ , you fight, you grab one of the soldiers guns, do _anything_ you have to, and you put me down you understand? I’d rather...I’d rather die than hurt you.”

“I couldn't even shoot Dimitri and I don't even like him! How on earth do you expect me to hurt _you?_ ” she asked incredulously looking down at her hands. “I should have shot him like you said, but I...I couldnt and now we’re here in this place-.”

“None of that matters, I was a fool to send you out there alone,” I cut in tilting my head so she was forced to look up and into my eyes. “This is not your fault. And I want you to promise me that if I become the Winter Soldier again-.”

“No, James,” she started again shaking her head.

“If I become the Winter Soldier again you will stop me-.”

She jumped to her feet, backing away from me, now looking angry. “No! I can’t. I won’t-.”

I growled in frustration, snapping at her to make her stop. “Dammit Jade, yes, you _have_ too. Otherwise I’ll hurt you and probably a lot of other people,” her face fell again. “So you fucking promise me that you won't let me hurt you if you can stop me.”

“James…” she covered her face with both hands.

“Promise me. Right now.”

She was still shaking her head, but took a deep breath before looking me in the eye again. “I...I promise,” she said softly.

An awkward silence fell over us, only the sound of our breathing filling the air, and I felt remorse for snapping at her. My face softened and I sighed. “Come here,” I called gently. She hesitated and remained where she stood with her arms crossed, looking at me warily. “Jade, I’m sorry for snapping, please come here.”

She came towards me slowly, sitting down next to me, looking up at me meekly. I leaned in slowly, giving her every opportunity to stop me and kissed her, softly at first, and then harder when she didn’t hesitate. She took my face into her hands as the kiss deepened and I slid my tongue into her mouth for a taste. She moaned loudly crawling into my lap, forcing me to straighten my crossed legs as she settled herself onto my lap. The fact that we were trapped in a cell with god knows what about to happen to her slipped away for a moment as she kissed me ravenously, her fingers in my hair and her pelvis pressing down into my lap. I tried to wrap my arms around her, only to be stopped by the restraint. Reality came back to hit me then and I pulled away from her desperate kiss.

“As much as I love a kinky time, Sugar, I don't think this is the time or place. And I’d like for you to be the one tied up,” I joked softly.

She managed to huff a laugh. “I-I’m sorry,” she breathed against my lips. “I got carried away.”

“It’s okay,” I sighed, kissing her again.  _This may be the last time I kiss anyone for a_ **_long_ ** _time_. “Don’t be sorry.”

She kissed me once more and slid out of my lap, sitting at my side again, leaning into me and resting her head on my shoulder. I put my head against hers, resting it there, sighing heavily. She’s wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging my body.

We sat like that in silence for what felt like hours, but there was no way to really know. The sounds of the heavy locks on the doors turning startled us both, making Jade sit up tensely looking at the door and then me in panic.

“James,” fear dripped from her voice.

“It’s okay, Sugar,” I lied even as the door opened and two armed soldiers entered. “It’s going to be okay.”

I expected them to come grab me and tensed in preparation for them to do so, but they stalked towards her, shouting at her to get up in Russian which she of course didn't understand. She remained sitting, looking terrified and confused, her brown eyes wide and darting between the two soldiers as she tensed and raised her hands to her chest. The first soldier grabbed her by the arm, yanking her to her feet and away from me and I felt anger roar through me.

“Stop!” I shouted trying to get to my feet, only to have the second soldier jam the butt of his gun right into my gut forcing me to double over as pain shot through me.

“James!” She called as they started to drag her, kicking and squirming to the door. “No, let me go! Get off of me! James!”

“Jade!” I struggled to my feet running for her, but they shut the door, the sound of the heavy locks sliding into place. My chest hit the door and I leaned against it, hearing the sounds of her screams echoing and fading down the hall.

* * *

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._

My heart was pounding in my chest as they drug me by the arms down the long corridor lined with cells. The corridor looking like something straight out of a horror movie. It was dark and dingy and dirty and the lights overhead flickered ominously. I had quickly given up the struggle, knowing it was pointless, and even if I did get away I had no idea where I’d run. I was in another country, far from home, with no identification. I was sufficiently trapped.

They forced me to walk when we reached a set of stairs which I stumbled up, coming to find myself in a large circular room filled with machinery and consoles, the largest machine that looked like some crazy torture device sat directly in the middle with a chair attached. Dimitri stood in front of it, eyeing the machine as a few other soldiers stood at the console, pushing buttons and tweaking knobs. Dimitri turned as we approached, a smile spreading across his face.

“Ah, домашнее животное,” he said opening his arms as though he expected a hug. “Please join me,” he motioned to a chair that was sitting in front of the torture machine, which the soldiers roughly deposited me into. I glared at them, before looking at Dimitri. “Did you enjoy your last moments with актив?”

I remained silent, even though my stomach twisted at _‘last moments’_. Dimitri laughed at my silence. “Was there not enough time for one more tryst?” He mocked with a raised eyebrow. “And here I thought I was doing you a kindness.”

“What the fuck do you want?” I demanded through clenched teeth. “Why am I here?”

He reached out to caress my cheek. I dodged his touch which made made him laugh again. “I like you домашнее животное,” he said. “I see why he does too.”

 _That does not answer my question._ I tried a different one. “What are you going to do with James?”

“We’re going to wipe his memory, reprogram him and turn him into the soldier he is meant to be,” Dimitri answered proudly.

_Wipe his memory?_

_“_ You know, I am tempted to let you live,” he continued with a smirk. “You could be his personal nurse. And his toy when he needs rewarding,” he reached for me again and this time I was too frozen to move again. “And perhaps  _my_ toy when he does not…” he finished brushing his fingers against my cheek.

My stomach turned in disgust. I pulled away from his hand. “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” My voice was laced with anger as I enunciated each word clearly.

His smile widened. “I do like my girls feisty,” he leaned in, his lips right next to my ear. “And you haven’t truly known pleasure till you have spent the night with a man like me.”

“I would rather die,” I spat.

He chuckled. “And you just might, домашнее животное.”

His words sent a chill over me and I fell silent just as I heard the sounds of footsteps approaching. I turned to find two of the soldiers escorting Bucky into the room. I straightened in the chair locking eyes with him as they led him to the torture chair.

“James,” I called to him.

“Jade, are you okay?” He asked worriedly.

“Yes, I’m fine I-,” I was moving to get up, I didn’t know what I intended to do, but Dimitri moved to stand behind me, placing two large hands on my shoulder and forcing me down and cutting off my sentence. Bucky’s teeth clenched at the sight.

“Don’t touch her,” he growled.

“And what will you do to stop me, актив?” Dimitri taunted, pulling a gun from his hip holster and aiming it right at my temple again. Fear raced down my spine and I felt my eyes watering again.

Bucky’s face fell. “You said you would let her go. I came willingly. I’m not fighting, just let her go.”

“And let her miss out on the show? I think not. Besides, we were just discussing a permanent stay for her, I have use for such a pretty girl who can entertain my needs,” Dimitri said behind me, one hand reaching forward to curve around my throat and yank me back against him, caressing the skin there. I yelped in surprise.

“Don’t you fucking touch her,” Bucky shouted struggling against the two soldiers holding him. They held him back by his shoulders, but not without struggle.

Dimitri cocked the gun at my head. “Get in the chair or she dies. You choose.”

Bucky stopped instantly, looking defeated, his blue eyes on me. “James, don’t,” I said softly, looking into his eyes. My eyes were growing watery again. I didnt want to die, nor did I think Dimitri was bluffing, but thought of what they were going to do to him, because of me made me feel sick. “Don’t do it.”

“Quiet,” Dimitri barked, his hand tightening on my throat.

Bucky’s face was blank, but his eyes said so much. _I’m sorry._ He let the soldiers drop him into the chair, a soldier unlocking and removing the cuffs from is his hands before forcing them onto the arms of the chair. Metal bands shot out of the arms of the chair with a hiss, clamping down on his wrists. His teeth clenched and his eyes slid closed, his breathing getting heavy.

“Feeling a sense of dejavu актив?” Dimitri taunted. “Just like old times eh?”

Bucky ignored Dimitri, his eyes opening to find me again. I felt tears falling down my cheeks. “Remember what I said, Sugar,” he said softly.

I shook my head. _No._

“You promised,” he said.

A promise that I knew I couldn't keep. That he should have known I couldn't keep. I just couldn’t. It was impossible. Even if I managed to get a gun or anything that was strong enough to hurt him, I could never pull the trigger. I knew that I wasn't getting out of this.

“James I-I…” I couldn't find the words. I shook my head again.

“It’s okay, Sugar,” he assured softly. “It’s going to be okay.” Even when he knew it wasn't going to be, he was still trying to protect me.

The soldier at his side, pushed on his chest, forcing him to lie back in the chair. I saw a hint of panic in the blue, his chest still heaving with the deep breaths he was taking, his fingers gripping the edge of the arms of the chair. I tried to get up again, to go to him, but Dimitri’s hand stopped me, holding me firmly. The soldier nearest to Bucky pulled a mouth guard out of his pocket and shoved it roughly into Bucky’s mouth he glared up at him.

“Is the machine ready?” Dimitri demanded looking in the direction of the soldiers at the console.

“Ready to begin, sir,” one of the soldiers said, standing at a console, finger poised over a button.

“Начать,” Dimitri ordered.

The soldier pressed the button and the machine came to life, my heart all but stopped in my chest. A mechanism descended down towards Bucky, clamping harshly onto the sides of his head, my fingers dug into the metal of the chair and Dimitri bent down and leaned in close, his lips right at my ear, whispering to me.

“Now watch closely, домашнее животное.”

I saw him nod out of the corner of my eye and the soldier pressed a second button. The sounds of the machine working were immediately drowned out by Bucky’s agonized screams that echoed in the room, sending chills down my spine. I tried to shut my eyes, turn my head, and cover my ears, unable to bear the sight of Bucky in pain. But Dimitri grabbed my hands, swatting them away from my own head before taking it into his hands and turning me back to face the chair.

“You watch,” he ordered. “Watch him become who he is meant to be.”

My eyes opened reluctantly and I felt tears sliding warmly down my cheeks. I tried to look everywhere, but at Bucky, but it was like a train wreck, I couldn't look away. He was still screaming, his muscles taut, his body jerking, his hands gripping the arms of the chair so tightly his knuckles were white. It felt like forever, watching him sitting there being tortured, in immense pain, but finally the machine stopped, the mechanism released Bucky with a long hiss and he slumped in the chair, still panting, looking straight ahead with dark empty eyes.

_Oh god. Oh god. Oh god._

Dimitri finally released me, straightening and walking around my chair, and holding out his hand expectantly. A soldier stepped forward, placing a red book in his hand and stepping back. The soldier at Bucky’s side removed his mouth guard and pushed him upward into a sitting position. I watched wordlessly horrified as Bucky sat there looking like a zombie.

Dimitri opened the red book, turning a few pages before finding the one he was looking for and clearing his throat. “жажда...ржавые...печь…” Bucky twitched, his face scrunching up, teeth clenched. “рассвет...Семнадцать...доброкачественный.” Bucky’s head tilted, the muscles in his neck taut. “девять...Возвращение домо...один...грузовой автомобиль.”

Bucky’s body jerked once and then he was sitting up straighter, still looking ahead with empty eyes, his face blank. “Готов к выполнению,” he deadpanned.

Dimitri’s smile widened and he walked closely to Bucky, even dared to put a hand on his shoulder. “Welcome back, актив,” he said proudly, like a father welcoming home a son.

I felt like someone had dropped a bucket of ice over me. I was shaking in fear, my heart pounding in my chest as I was truly alone now. Bucky had warned that he’d be under their complete control. That he would have no choice to do as he was told, but what he hadn't told me was that they would wipe his memory. He would have no recollection of me at all, he wouldn't be able to _try_ and stop himself from hurting me if ordered too because he would have no idea who I was.

“James,” I breathed softly hoping by some miracle that I would break through his programming and he would hear me. That he would snap out of it and look at me.

He didn't even blink at the mention of his name, only continued to stare ahead. My stomach twisted and I looked to see Dimitri’s green eyes on me, a sickening smile on his face.

“Don’t fret, домашнее животное,” he said walking back towards me. “He couldn't remember you even if he wanted too. He’s under my complete control. Care for a demonstration?” I felt my face fall and my head was shaking even as he continued to speak. “актив, kill her.”

I barely had time to even think of something to say or protest before Bucky was out of the chair, stalking toward me and yanking me roughly out of my chair. I screamed loudly until his hand wrapped around my throat and he was slamming me on the ground. Pain shot through my back and the air gushed out of my lungs. I tried to scream again, but his hand tightened painfully and I was left gasping and squeaking. I looked up into Bucky’s face, right into his cold empty eyes and saw no recognition or familiarity. He stared down at me as though I was no one and I kicked and squirmed, my mouth open in a soundless scream, my hands clawing at his forearm and wrist.

“Wait!” Dimitri called. Bucky’s grip loosened immediately, but his hold remained. “Let her be.”

Bucky removed his hand from me, straightening his body and looking ahead like a mindless robot. I remained on the floor, gasping to catch my breath and clutching my burning throat. Dimitri came to stand over me, smirking as I struggled to catch my breath.

“You see, домашнее животное,” Dimitir said looking at Bucky admiringly. “He’s all mine.” He kneeled down beside me, the handgun still in his hand, using the barrel of it to brush my cheek. The metal was cold against my skin. “Now, do you want me to let him kill you? Or would you like to be my toy?”

I remained silent, my throat aching too much to even speak. And if I had managed the ability to form words I would have none. There was no right answer to his idiotic questions and he knew it. I had no choice in the matter. He was going to do whatever he wanted. He was just toying with me.

“Perhaps you need more time to think on the matter,” Dimitri said softly. “актив, take домашнее животное back to your,” he paused and laughed. “ _her_ cell. You remember the way don’t you?”

Bucky finally moved from his statuesque position and bent down, grabbing me by the arm and yanking me to my feet. He began walking back towards the stairs that led to the cells as I stumbled behind him, barely managing to maintain my footing. I looked back over my shoulder to see Dimitri watching, a smile on his face, offering a wave. He disappeared from sight as Bucky began descending the stairs and I tripped over my feet, stumbling and falling to the stairs, hissing in pain as I caught myself on my wrists.

Bucky looked mildly inconvenienced, bending over and picking me up and slinging me over his shoulder. I landed on his shoulder with a huff as he walked determinedly down the stairs, his metal arm holding me to him. He walked down the long corridor lined with cells until he stopped at one, turning the locks on the door and pulled it open with a loud metallic screech. He carried me into the darkened cell and dropped me onto the bed unceremoniously.

“James! Don’t leave me in here.” I finally found my voice when he turned to walk out, reaching out and grabbing his metal arm which made him halt in his tracks. “James, please, I know you’re in there.”

He looked down at me again with the same cold stare. “Who the hell is James?”

I felt my stomach sink as he pulled his arm from my grasp and he turned for the door leaving me gaping as the cell door shut and shrouded me in darkness. The sound of the locks turning into place seemed to echo forever.


	11. Hostage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter needs some trigger warnings for assault and sexual assault because Dimitri isn’t very nice to Jade in this chapter. You can skip this chapter if it’s too much for you and I’ll briefly and vaguely recap of course in the next one. It’s angsty in this chapter real angsty. But have hope folks. **I did update the tags also for the new triggers**
> 
> Also as usual I leave all my Russian up to google translate.

I had no sense of time in the darkened cell, unable to discern the start of a new day or its end. At first I tried counting, only able to reach 3,000 before I fell asleep after reaching the point of exhaustion where I could barely keep my eyes open. I awoke sometime later on the sad mattress that did nothing to cushion the metal frame beneath, achy and throat still sore, my stomach rumbling with hunger and my throat dry. I rose from the bed and blindly made my way to the sink of the cell, using it to drink water which I was thankful that I could not  really see in the dark, it tasted terrible.

Seconds minutes and hours passed of me in the cell, sitting on the bed, my back to the cement wall, hugging my knees tightly. I tried to reassure myself at first that things were going to be okay somehow, just as Bucky had said, but as the time passed and the darkness continued I was beginning to lose hope. My options were limited and I knew that eventually Dimitri would be coming for an answer to his question sooner or later. I fell asleep, hungry and thirsty and feeling exhausted and scared, two more times before something finally happened.

I was awoken by the loud metallic sound of the cell door opening, my eyes snapping open and blinking against the harsh light that flooded in from the hallway. I raised my hand to shield my eyes and licked my dry and chapped lips, turning my head from the light. I felt weak and tired still despite knowing that I had been asleep for a few hours at least, contributing it to the lack of food I had been experiencing and dehydration. I tried to drink the nasty water from the sink as little as possible afraid of what I might contract from it, knowing that it was likely contaminated water.

“Goodmorning домашнее животное,” Dimitri’s voice echoed in the hallway before he stepped into the cell allowing me to see him.

I said nothing, only scooted back on the bed until my back hit the wall and drew my knees up to my chest. Dimitri continued his approach to the bed, a cocky smile on his face, sitting on the edge right near me.

“Are you hungry?” He asked gently, his voice confusingly sincere.

I wanted to spit at him, to tell him to fuck off and that I would accept nothing from him; but my growling stomach betrayed me. I had barely begun to feel the effects of starvation, but I was feeling them nonetheless. I needed to eat something if I was going to have any strength, although strength for what I wasn't sure.

I gave a single nod and his smile widened. “актив!” Dimitri barked, turning his head toward the open cell door.

My heart fluttered at the sight of Bucky entering the cell, holding a tray, the same cold dead stare in his eyes. He walked right to the bed and set the tray on the foot of it, the light from the hallway allowing me to see that there was a sandwich and cup of milk sitting on it. I practically lunged for the tray, eating the sandwich greedily between gulps of milk. Dimitri watched me with amusement, chuckling to himself. I finished the sandwich and the milk in record time, embarrassed at my own actions and giving in to Dimitri’s offerings so easily, I knew I would have to pay for his ‘kindness’ somehow.

“Aww my little minx was hungry,” he cooed touching my leg, which I promptly snatched out of his reach. It only made him laugh more. 

I couldn’t stop myself from looking at Bucky, my stomach twisting as I saw him standing at attention near the cell door, waiting for his next orders. They had changed his clothes, he was wearing tactical gear now, his metal arm completely exposed, the sleeve cut off the black jacket he wore, something that I wasn't used too as he usually wore long sleeves. Those blue eyes were still empty and his face looked hardened, tired. I wanted to jump out of the bed and run into his arms, hug and hold him until he remembered me, until he snapped out of whatever the hell they had done to him.

Dimitri noticed me watching, looking between the two of us. “Have you missed him?”

I turned my gaze on Dimitri, saying nothing.

“I thought it would be nice to have him come in and let you say goodbye,” he continued, his smile widening.

I felt my face fall. My voice was hoarse when I spoke. “G-goodbye?”

“Yes, he is off on a ….well let’s call it a welcome back mission if you will,” Dimitri looked at Bucky. “He’s going to go say hello to some old friends.” I didn’t like the sound of that. I had an idea of what he meant before he elaborated. “He will be paying a visit to Captain America.”

I knew what he was getting at despite his vague jokes. “You think James is going to kill Steve? His _best friend?_ ” I said incredulously. I knew I was being bold, but the words came out before I could stop them.

“He will if ordered too,” Dimitri replied coldly. “Have you not yet learned he is under my complete control? I thought that we had gone over this lesson. Shall I give you another demonstration?”

I tensed, gripping my knees tighter. My mouth was going to get me in trouble. My lips shut tightly and I shook my head. I didn’t him to use Bucky to hurt me again.

“I see you are learning,” Dimitri said, the smile returning to his face. “Does that mean you have considered my offer?”

 _It wasn't much of an offer._ I remained silent. There was no right answer. He would do what he pleased and I got the impression that this was all sick fun for him now and he would end up killing me eventually anyway.

“Perhaps you need some persuasion?” He grinned, scooting closer to me on the bed. “Perhaps you need me to show you how _nice_ I can be?”

I tensed again, my eyes darting to Bucky, who still hadn’t even glanced in my general direction. Dimitri observed my glance, looking over his shoulder at Bucky, before shaking his head and clicking his tongue at me.

“Oh, домашнее животное,” he said softly. “He’s no longer on your side. He’s on mine. He does not care what happens to you.”

Without warning he reached out, grabbing a handful of my curls at the root and dragged me off the bed right onto the hard cement floor. I hit the ground with a scream and he held me there, pain shot through my face as it smashed against the ground and he knelt beside me. Bucky didn’t move a muscle.

“See?” Dimitri motioned to Bucky. “He doesn't care.” He added more pressure to his hand, forcing me harder against the ground making me cry out in pain. “I could do whatever I wanted to you and he wouldn't even bat an eye.”

He yanked my upper body up, pulling my hair until my head was forced all the way back, straining my neck. I felt fear take a hold of me, my heart racing in my chest and my eyes watering as I looked at him helplessly.

“You. Are. Mine. Now,” he enunciated each word clearly and slowly. “Understand?”

“Y-Yes,” I stuttered in a cracked and strained voice. I felt sick. Ashamed at my own cowardice. I should be fighting. I should have done _something_ rather than give in to his whims and demands.

“That’s right. Now are you going to be a good girl?” He asked, his other hand tracing his fingers down my jawline.

“Yes,” the word fell from my lips in a pleading whisper.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that,” he leaned in close, so that my lips were right near his ear. “Say that again.”

My teeth clenched. “Yes,” I repeated.

“Good. Good girl,” he whispered turning his head so that he was looking down at me, his eyes on my lips.

I felt my stomach turn as he began to lean in. _No. No. No. Please no._ I tried to turn my head, my body squirming, but not too much in fear of what he would do or make Bucky do. I gritted my teeth and shut my eyes, feeling the warmth of his breath on my face, smelling the scent of liquor and mint. I felt the brush of his lips on my bottom lip first, until he forced my head forward by my hair and his lips were on mine fully. I remained stiff and unmoving, lips shut tight and whimpers echoing from my throat as he held his lips to mine and I felt the wetness of his tongue sweep across my lips. I couldn't help, but gag at the attempted intrusion of his tongue. Relief washed over me when he finally pulled away, my hand coming up quickly to wipe my mouth, disgust written all over my face.

“Playing hard to get eh? That’s okay. I like my girls with some _fight_ in them,” He chuckled, gripping my hair tighter again until I cried out in pain. “Shall we give актив a show?” He ran his lips along my cheek as he spoke in a whisper. “Make him watch as I take you and show him who really is in charge?” _Oh god. No._ He stood and dragged me to my feet with him, releasing his hold on my hair which had me stumbling backwards forcing me to catch myself on the wall behind me. “Take off your clothes.”

My heart skipped a beat in my chest. “W-what?” I had heard him clearly, but it was the only words I could choke out.

The grin left his face and I was met with a cold stare. “You heard me.”

My eyes grew watery instantly and I shook my head, what little boldness and courage I had leaving me. “No...p-please.”

He pulled his handgun from the holster, cocking it before aiming at me. “I won’t repeat myself.”

 _This can’t be happening. This cannot be happening._ My hands shook as I reached for the hem of my shirt, fear and panic taking me over as I started to raise it over my head. The tears slid down from my eyes warmly, feeling utterly defeated and humiliated when I pulled the material over my head and it dropped to the floor. I paused then, my eyes on the floor, my body shaking with the sobs, unable to look at either of the men in the cell.

“Pants too. Come on,” Dimitri urged.

I couldn’t help, but look at Bucky then, seeing him unphased and unmoving, standing still as a statue, his eyes on the wall in front of him. _Please snap out of it. Please look at me. Please._ More tears slid down my cheeks and shaking hands gripped the waistband of my sweats. It was then that I heard and felt it, the sound of an explosion, one strong enough that it felt like the cement cell rocked around us, almost   knocking us all off of our feet. Dimitri froze for just a second, his eyes wide, a hint of fear on his face and then he was moving for the door.

“Come with me актив,” Dimitri called over his shoulder. “Lock her in.”

Bucky turned on his heel walking quickly out the door and slamming it shut behind him before I could think of moving or trying to stop them. I heard the locks slide into place as I hurriedly put my shirt back on and rushed to the cell door, pressing my ear against it and hearing their fast paced footsteps up the hall. Another explosion rang down the hall, followed by the sounds of rapid gun fire and anguished cries. I pressed myself into the door, straining to hear and felt hope brim within me, praying that the explosions and gunfire meant someone was here to rescue us.

_Please be Steve. Please be Steve. Please for the love of god be Steve._

“Milady Jade?!”

_Milady?_

“Easy with the ‘Milady’ stuff there point break, it's basically the equivalent of ‘ma’am’ and no woman wants to be called ‘ma’am’. Jade! Oh Jade, where are you?” The second voice called. “Please be alive or Cap is gonna kill me…” it was said in a sing song voice.

I recognized the second voice immediately as Tony Stark’s. “I’m in here! Here! Please, I’m in here!” I shouted continuously banging on the cell door. “Mr. Stark I’m in here.”

There were more hurried footsteps, one set sounding metallic, and then the locks were turning, the door screeching open to reveal- _oh my god_ \- Thor. In all his glorious armor and holding Mjolnir, his long hair reaching his shoulders and a relieved and friendly smile.

“Ah, Milady Jade, I am glad to have found you. It is good to see you again,” he said stepping towards me. “Are you well?”

 _Again? Oh right._ We had met the night that I had met Bucky, I just didn’t remember. Apparently it was his and his Asgardian alcohol that was the reason for this whole mess to begin with. Tony stepped into view from behind the broad shoulders of Thor, in full Iron Man armor although the face plate was up revealing his concerned expression.

“Cap, we found Jade and we’re getting her out,” Tony said absently and I realized he was talking into his comm. He moved around Thor and came close to me. His eyes roamed over me assessing me for damage. “Jade, you alright? Do you need medical attention?”

I was still shaking. “I’m fine. I just need to get the fuck out of here.”

Tony nodded. “Point Break get her out of here. We’ll regroup at the quinjet.” His face plate slid back into place as he backed out of the cell, his thrusters fired and he levitated off the ground before he jetted off down the hall.

Thor stepped toward me and I flinched, anxiety wrapping around me like a blanket. Thor stopped and raised a hand in the air, his face softening. “I won’t hurt you.”

It was nothing that he had done. It was my surroundings and everything that I had endured lingering around me. “I know… I just..it’s been a hard few days…” my eyes got watery again and I wiped at them. “Please just get me out of here.”

“Would you permit me to carry you Lady Jade?”

I hesitated. “Umm…”

He swept me into his arms wedding style before getting a real answer, still managing to hold his ginormous hammer in one hand and me as though I weighed nothing. _Okay then guess I am being carried._ Thor turned out of the cell and it was then I saw that there was a large hole in the wall, large enough for a god and an Iron Man to fit through. That must have been the most recent explosion. He began walking towards the hole, away from the stairs and away from the sound of gunfire and loud noises and yelling.

“Thor, wait where’s James?”

Thor blinked. “Who?”

“James! You know-,” _oh right you call him Bucky_. “I mean Bucky! Where is Bucky?”

“Oh you speak of Sergeant Barnes! I do not know, Lady Jade, I was assigned to find and protect you until we got back to the Quinjet. The Captain, Stark, and Falcon will be handling Sergeant Barnes.”

“Thor stop! We’re not leaving him right? Thor we cannot leave without Bucky!” I said desperately.

Thor paused in his walking at the desperation in my voice and he looked down at me with a big smile, reminding me very much of a giant blonde Labrador for some reason. “I assure you Lady Jade, Captain Rogers would rather die than leave Sergeant Barnes here in this place. We will not leave without him. Now may we continue to the quinjet?”

 _Right. Steve and Bucky. The epic bromance._ I nodded, prompting Thor to continue, hesitating when I looked over my shoulder and saw that we were high up on a second or third floor to whatever building we were in. All I could see outside was a forest of snowy trees and mountains. _How the hell are we going to get out of-._

“Hold me tightly, Lady Jade. Do not be afraid.”

“Wait, what are we-?”

He begun swinging Mjolnir in his hand, so quickly that it propelled us out into the open air. I gasped in surprise, and then screamed, loudly, right into the poor God’s ear. My arms wrapped around Thor’s neck chokingly tight, shutting my eyes and burying my face into his shoulder against the gush of wind as we soared through the air. _Oh my god we’re flying. I’m in the arms of the god of thunder and we’re fucking flying._ Soon his feet hit the ground and he lowered me carefully to mine, keeping both hands on my hips to hold me steadily. I was still shaking, looking up at him with a scowl.

“Warning,Thor. A warning would have been good,” I said.

“My apologies, Lady Jade,” he smirked. I continued to scowl. He motioned behind me. “Please have a seat on the quinjet.”

I turned to find the Quinjet behind me, large and black, and sitting in the middle of a clearing in the snowy woods, with the bay door open. A middle aged man with greying dark and wild curls stood inside the bay. He wore glasses and he pushed them up the bridge of his nose as I walked onto the Quinjet. He held out a hand to me, a nervous quirky smile on his face.

“Ms. Johnson, I am Bruce Banner. Dr. Bruce Bann- just call me Bruce please,” I took the hand he offered and shook it. I was still shaking, my stomach rolling. I attributed it to the flying. “Are you alright? Do you need medical attention of any kind?”

“No, no, I am fine,” I shook my head and looked around the quinjet, unsure of what to do until Bruce touched the small of my back gently and hesitantly, I still tensed at his touch, motioning to a row of seats.

“Please, have a seat, I am sure that you have been through...quite an experience, being held here for 4 days,” he said.

 _FOUR DAYS?_ I gaped at him as I sank into a seat. “I’m sorry did you say ‘four days’?”

Bruce looked unsure, before turning back to look at Thor as though he had the answer. Thor shrugged. “Yes, I was told it had been four days since they took you and Sergeant Barnes.”

I put my head in my hands. Four days? What the hell was I going to tell my parents and my job? How was I supposed to go back to anything that resembled normal after this? After I had been kidnapped and assaulted and...and...and...

“Ms. Johnson? Can I get you some water?”

“Please, call me Jade,” I said, there was a snap to my voice, it sounded irritated. I looked up at Bruce apologetically and forced myself to check my tone. None of this was his fault. “I’m sorry, yes, please, I’d like some water. Thank you.”

Bruce nodded once and walked away as I put my head back in my hands. I felt like I was in shock, I was still shaking and the more I tried to focus on my breathing, the more I realized that it was getting harder. It felt like my throat was closing and like there was a two ton boulder sitting on my chest.

 _Oh my god I am having a damn panic attack._ I stood, gasping for air and prompting Bruce and Thor to approach me quickly, concern etched on their faces.

“Lady Jade, are you alright?”

“I-I think she’s having a panic attack.”

Their voices sounded muffled and the edges of my vision were going black. I was still struggling to breathe, I could hear the faint sounds of my gasping, mixed with the steady thrum of my own heart beat in my ears. I felt two sets of hands on my arms and the world started to spin before going completely dark.

* * *

“Jade?”

The voice was feminine and familiar, startling familiar. I was suddenly back in my childhood home, sitting at the kitchen table, eating pancakes while my moms voice sang my name in the sing song way that made me giggle.

“Jade? Honey, can you hear me?”

_Mom? Mom is that you?_

I was suddenly conscious again, feeling my face scrunch up as my eyes blinked open and was met with harsh light. I blinked a few more times until they adjusted and my mothers face came into clear view. Her eyes were red and puffy, tears still on her face and a small smile on her lips.

“M-Mom?” I stuttered in surprise. _What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I? What the hell happened?_

It all came rushing back like a wave crashing over me, Bucky, the motel, Dimitri, the cell, Thor and Tony Stark rescuing me. _James._ I sat up quickly, looking around to see that I was in a hospital room, in a bed, attached to IV and monitors, and not only was my mom present so was Iris and my dad. They both were asleep in chairs at my bedside. I could see that it was night through the open windows in the room, showing the New York City night scape.

My moms arms came around me tightly, making me jump. “Oh thank god you are alright honey,” she whispered. “It’s been two days. They said you were fine, traumatized, dehydrated and starved, but you would be okay. That your body just need rest and you would wake up of course, but the more time passed we grew worried.”

 _Two days?_ I shook my head, pulling back from her. “Mom, how did I get here?”

“Well we got a call that you had been brought into the hospital and Iris and your father and I rushed down here and Tony Stark was with you- I had no idea you knew someone so famous honey- and he said that you had been kidnapped? Oh honey, I was so scared when Iris called and said you were missing. We dropped everything and came out, we made flyers, we were working with the police. I told you that I hate you living in this big old city. I know you have Iris and all, but there is so much crime-.”

“Mom!” I cut in. She tended to ramble, especially when worried. She blinked at me in surprise. I didnt mean to yell. I would never raise my voice to my mother, she was a kindhearted soft spoken woman, but she had never shied from proper discipline. And even as a grown 27 year old woman I was still afraid of my mothers stern glare and tone. “Mom, sorry, it’s been...well its been hell...but is Tony still here? Did he say anything else? Did he mention…” I hesitated worried about saying too much  about something my mother probably shouldnt know. I wasnt sure how much Iris had told my mom or Tony, and I was not about to mention all the mess that was brought forth by my one night stand. “Did he mention a fr-...a guy named James at all? Is he here?”

My mother looked puzzled. “No...who is James?”

“Uh…”

“Jade?!”

I jumped again at the sound of Iris’ loud voice echoing in the room, waking my father also who looked around startled. She was out of her chair and in bed with me in less than a second, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me tightly, too tight. I was struggling to breathe.

“Oh my god you beautiful bitch I was so worried about you! How could you do this to me? Put me through all that worry. I could absolutely murder you right now!” Iris said.

“Iris! Watch your mouth!” My mother sighed.

* * *

My parents and Iris didn't know much, only that I was taken hostage by a terrorist suspect and held in another country for multiple days for a ransom against the Avengers. It was mostly a fabrication, and my parents didn't understand what made me so special to the Avengers, but Tony had written it off as a wrong place wrong time thing as the reason I had been taken. Tony had left out everything about Bucky and for that I was grateful. That was a story that I wasn’t ready to share with my parents. I hadn't gotten to talk to Tony myself, he had been gone by the time that I had woken up and while I wanted to find some way to contact him, to ask him about Bucky, to make sure that he was okay, I had no idea how to do that.

The hospital decided to keep me for a few more days, for observation and to make sure that I was in good health and that the effects of dehydration and starvation were long gone. My parents and Iris had left for a short while the next morning, to go back to our apartment and shower and dress before coming back leaving me alone. I was grateful for the break. My parents were hovering and Iris was clingy, all of them shaken by the fact that I had been kidnapped although I had been quiet about what had actually happened to me and about what I had seen. I wasn't ready to talk about it, even though something far worse could have happened - was about to happen- to me at Dimitri’s hand I was still shaken by what had happened.

I was lying in the hospital bed, curled up and trying to think about anything but the feeling of Dimitri’s lips on mine, which made my skin crawl and my stomach turn. I hadnt slept well at all, my dreams plagued with Dimitri’s face. I was trying to put on a brave face for my parents and Iris who were worried enough, but knew that I wouldnt be getting Dimitri out of my head for a long time.

I heard the sound of my room door opening and I looked up to find Steve entering the room. I sat up at the sight of him, looking at him in surprise. He was dressed casually in dark jeans and a blue tee shirt and black jacket over it and a baseball cap on his head. _Captain America incognito mode._ He was holding flowers.

“Hey Jade,” he said with a nervous smile approaching the bed. He offered me the flowers. “These are for you.”

I took them, breathing in their smell before setting them aside. “Thank you…”

“I just wanted to come and-,” Steve started.

“Where is James? Is he alright? Did you get him out too?” I interrupted him, asking the questions hurriedly, my voice was too high, too desperate. But I needed to know.

Steve looked uneasy, shifting on his feet. “Jade, I dont know how much Bucky told you or what happened to you while you were held-.”

I huffed. “Oh you want to know what happened to me? Well let’s see, I was forced to watch Dimitri wipe James’ memory and turn him into a mindless soldier who stood by quietly while Dimitri assaulted me physically and then attempted to assault me sexually.”

Steve’s face fell, he looked horrified. “Oh god Jade. I’m so sorry-.”

“It doesn't matter. Where is James? Is he alright? Did you get him out?” I repeated.

Steve hesitated again, coming closer and sitting on the edge of the bed right near me. “Bucky is fine. But he’s not himself. We had to...well he had to take him some place to get him better and...we aren’t sure how long he is going to be there.”

I felt my stomach sink. “Oh...so he’s on ice again?”

Steve seemed mildly surprised, as though Bucky sharing that information with me was unexpected. “Yes. He’s on ice until the hydra programming is removed again and we get him back to the old him.”

I asked meekly. “Did...did he remember anything before the programming? Did he remember you?”

Steve’s face softened and he shook his head, just once, his blue eyes on his boots. He exhaled softly. “He didn’t remember me.”

 _And if he doesnt remember his own best friend… “_ Then he definitely wont remember me…” I finished the thought aloud. “And there’s no guarantee that he ever will...is there?”

Steve’s blue eyes were on me suddenly. “There’s a chance...his memories came back before...but it will take time...”

I nodded, feeling my eyes watering. I wiped at them with the back of my hand, not wanting to cry in front of Captain America. I couldn't think of anything to say, the fact that after everything that I endured I ended up without Bucky in the end, was a hard realization that felt like a punch in the gut. A tear escaped and I swiped at it, shaking my head. Steve saw and his arms were suddenly around me, pulling me in against his broad muscular chest, and holding me. I tensed against him, but allowed him to hold me, finding some comfort in his touch.

His embrace only opened the flood gates and I was suddenly sobbing in his arms, crying about everything that had happened, the things that Dimitri had done, and most of all about Bucky. There had been no guarantee that Bucky and I would have ended up together. I didnt believe in fate or falling in love so quickly and easily, but I had thought that at least in the end we would have a _chance_ ; a chance to turn this mess that we had endured into something that had made the whole situation worth it even if just for a short while. And the thought of Bucky having to start over after he had come so far, broke my heart for him.

“I hope me hugging you is okay,” Steve said. “You… you looked like you needed one.”

I sniffled, noticing the big wet spot my tears had left on his chest. “It’s fine.”

“If Bucky were here he’d apologize for all of this...for everything that you went through…He would feel terrible if he hurt you,” Steve said softly, one large hand rubbing his back. “I know you only knew each other a short time, but he cared for you.”

I nodded against his chest. “How...how long will he be gone?”

“3 months? Maybe 6? I don't know Jade. His recovery was very long last time and...” he sighed. “I wish I had better news for you.”

I finally pulled back from his warm embrace, sighing and reaching for some tissue at my bedside. “I’m sorry for crying.”

“No, don't apologize, please,” Steve said. “After everything you’ve been through…” he shook his head. “You deserve to cry and a whole lot more.”

“So now what? I just...go back to my life? My job? If I even have one still...”

“Well, there's something else I need to tell you. Dimitri...got away.”

I gaped at Steve, my stomach sinking again, the two ton boulder creeping back up on my chest. I shut my eyes and immediately saw that monsters face with his green eyes, smiling at me, felt the phantom pressure of his hold on my curls. I shook my head and took a few deep breaths. _He got away._ I felt a pain in my chest and put my hand there, feeling my heart thrum and against my sternum. _You’re okay, Jade. You’re okay._

“There is always the possibility that he would come after you again, to get to Bucky, or just to get revenge, but we have all of the Avengers team looking for him and we _will_ find him, Jade. I promise. After what he did to Bucky...to _you_...he deserves to rot in a cell for the rest of his life.”

 _He deserves to die,_ I thought bitterly. But I wasn't going to say that to Steve.

I opened my eyes and found Steve watching me. “I’m going to protect you, Jade, until Buck comes back. I promise that I won't let anything happen to you,” he said in that reassuring voice of his, he reached out and touched my arm and I tensed again. He noticed, and withdrew from me with an apologetic smile before continuing. “Bucky may not have remembered you, but I know if he had, he would have asked me to make sure that you were safe. So until Dimitri is found, expect for me to be a permanent fixture in your life.”

Having Captain America himself, promise to make sure nothing happened to me was reassuring, but still there was a sense of dread that crept along my skin before burying itself inside of me, deep down, where I knew it would sit until Dimitri was captured.


	12. The Year After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is about the year after Bucky woke up from the cryofreeze the second time. Told in 3 month increments from both POVs.

_Three months later_

I woke up in the Wakanda Medical Center without a familiar face at my side. It was like waking up from a bad dream to a unfamiliar nightmare. Everything was confusing and hazy and I wasn't sure of anything, not even who I was, for the first 24 hours. Bits and pieces came back, from my life before, back in the 1940’s and most of all Steve. He showed up three days after I woke up, familiar and smiling, the only thing that I was sure of. He brought journals, mine apparently, ones that I had been writing in since I got my memory back the last time, in a box with my name ‘Bucky’ scribbled across the side in his hurried writing.

“It’s good to have you back, Bucky,” he said touching my shoulder. “ _Again_.”

T’Challa and Shuri put me back in my old cabin, the one I was told that I had been in before. It had felt like home immediately, though I had no recollection of living there. They gave me more goats, things to care for so I didn't get idle, so I didn't go crazy while being alone.

I took care of my goats by day and laid in bed reading my journals by night, trying to force a memory, pausing after each page that I read, closing my eyes and envisioning it and willing my brain to call up the memory. Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didnt, which only frustrated me to the point that I gave up and went to bed.

* * *

“How was therapy today, Jade?” Steve asked tentatively, eyeing me over his burger.

I shrugged. “It was good. Same as always.”

Steve nodded. “Still having nightmares?”

“Yes, but it's only been three months and Dr. Lewis said that its normal when suffering from PTSD, even mild cases,” I answered between bites of salad.

“Are they getting less frequent at least?”

“Yeah...down to about one to two times a week...I wake up and do my breathing exercises and stuff then I go back to sleep,” I sighed. “I feel like its working.”

“Good,” Steve said sipping his water. “That’s good.”

This had become a weekly thing for Steve and I over the course of the past three months. I would have my therapy appointment at the compound and then meet Steve in the cafeteria for lunch. It had started out innocently, with Steve catching me in the halls as I had left my first appointment, eyes puffy and teary, that encounter ending with him offering to buy me lunch. He had caught me again at my appointment the following week, that time I had cried less, and offered to buy me lunch again. And then it happened again the following week and the week after until I had grown used to finding him there, standing outside Dr. Lewis’ office, waiting for me. And between the weekly lunches and the texts that we shared I felt like Captain America and I were becoming fast close friends.

I took a deep breath and asked the question that I always asked. “How is James?”

Steve’s face always softened when I asked, his blue eyes holding sympathy and a weak smile on his lips. “He’s doing well. We spoke on the phone yesterday… he uh...still doesn't remember much.” _And there’s that weekly disappointment._

“Oh, I am glad he is doing well.”

The last three months had passed by quickly, a little too quickly for me. They had been hard, harder than I expected; my experience as a captive under Dimitri having a lasting effect that erupted in the form of vicious nightmares of him assaulting me nearly every night before I had started therapy. It was the nightmares and Iris’ insistence that had sent me to therapy two weeks after I had been rescued. I had felt the need to go to the Avengers compound first, to meet with Steve and Tony and make sure that it would even be okay for me to talk about what had happened, considering that my kidnapper had been part of a secret organization. It was then that Tony had recommended and introduced me to Dr. Lewis, the on staff therapist at the compound. He had even graciously offered the service free of charge, which I had refused and then accepted after Steve’s urging.

I had managed to keep my job, thanks to the story that Tony Stark had told about my kidnapping , and after taking a short week long absence from work to recover, I returned to work. It was a pleasant distraction that I needed and put myself into tirelessly, even picking up extra shifts, to keep myself busy. Working was the only thing that helped to keep my mind off of Bucky, and worrying about how how he was doing, and wondering what could have been between us. I told myself that I should just move on, that I would be better off forgetting about the metal armed man who had come barreling into my life, leaving destruction in his wake, but I couldn't forget him. The same way that I couldn’t forget Dimitri or escape the dread I felt at the thought of him being out there somewhere.

“Big plans for the weekend?” Steve asked after a lull in conversation.

I shook my head. “No, I actually have the weekend off for once, but Iris is going away with her boyfriend so I’ll have the apartment all to myself. They leave tonight.”

I tried to smile and put on a brave face and look mildly excited about the idea, but in actuality I was terrified. I hadnt had the apartment to myself since I was rescued, Iris going out of her way to make sure that she was always home when I was, knowing that I was still worried and scared about Dimitri being out there. But she had made things with Brandon ‘official’ again and had planned the weekend getaway to celebrate, and I didnt want to ruin that for her by letting her know I was absolutely terrified of spending the night alone in our apartment.

Steve noticed my charade. “I don't have any plans this weekend, I could...I could stay with you..so you aren’t scared.”

“Oh. Steve. No. You don't have to-.”

“I said I was going to protect you and I meant it. If you are alone in your apartment that makes you unsafe and I can't have that. Bucky wouldn't want that,” Steve cut in determinedly.

“Well, what about Sharon? Is she going to be okay with you staying at a girls apartment, alone, with her for a weekend?”

Steve smirked. “Sharon is not the jealous type. And all I am doing is keeping a promise to and hanging out with a friend. It will be fine.”

Steve spent the weekend at my apartment, keeping me company while simultaneously complaining about the amount of junk food I ate and my lack of exercise. And at night when I awoke screaming he came running into my room, wrapping strong arms around me and whispering promises of safety and security, talking me through my panic attack and anxiety. He slept in my room after that, on the floor beside my bed instead of on the couch, prepared to help me through my next attack. And I suddenly saw why Bucky adored the man so much.

* * *

_6 months later_

“I don’t think I’m ready.”

Steve sighed, his brow furrowing. “Bucky, you’re more than ready. Shuri said-.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know what Shuri thinks, but I’m saying _I’m_ not ready. And what do I have to come back to New York for anyway?”

Steve looked hurt, the pain crossing the blue of his eyes before he shook his head. “Well me for one. And you had-have- a life here Bucky. You were starting something. You can pick up where you left off.”

I shook my head. I wasn't ready. I knew it. And Steve should have known too. I still didn't have my memory back completely, everything was fragmented and scattered, nothing complete and concrete of anything before I went on the ice the first time. I wasn't ready to leave the solace of my cabin and my goats.

“I’m still fuzzy on everything,” I sighed. “I just...I’m not ready, Steve.”

Steve was looking down, shaking his head before he took in a deep breath. “Fine. I don't mean to push you. I’ll talk with you again soon.”

He hung up before I could say goodbye. I closed the laptop computer carefully. Shuri had spent a very frustrating week teaching me how to use it so I could video chat with Steve and use the internet to get caught up on the modern world. It was my third laptop. I had smashed the previous two out of frustration. I sometimes forgot my own strength. I rose from my cot and set the laptop aside hearing the hungry calls from my goats outside, it was dinner time.

After feeding and tending to my goats I went to lay down in my cot, falling asleep rather quicker than usual, dreaming of nameless faces. Ones that I probably should have recognized, but were phantoms of my past who I couldn’t remember. One stood out from the rest, one that I continued to think about even after I had woken up, wondering who she was and why I could almost remember the smell of her curls, feel the ghost of her against me. It was a girl, with dark wild curls, honey brown skin and a pretty smile.

* * *

“Are you and Captain Sexy like...a thing?”

I frowned at Iris, pausing in my application of lipstick. “No. Why on earth would you ask that?”

Iris leaned against the wall of my bathroom. “Well you have been spending a lot of time together.”

“He’s protecting me from the crazy Russian who kidnapped me,” I huffed.

“That crazy Russian is going to be at the movies tonight?”

I rolled my eyes. “Aside from him protecting me, we’re friends. We’ve grown close, yes, but it’s just a friends thing. And friends see movies together.”

“When’s the last time we saw a movie?”

“When’s the last time you had time for me since you got back with your new/old boyfriend?” I countered with a raised eyebrow.

She hesitated, looking momentarily defeated. “Okay touché. But you’re all dressed up.”

I looked down at the leather jacket that adorned my body which I had put on over a tank top with jeans and ankle boots. I considered it casual. “I’m wearing jeans!”

“Yeah with your boobs hanging all out.”

“THEY ARE NOT.”

“And you’re wearing make up.”

Her tone sounded playful but there was a scrutiny behind it, a real accusation. “Can I not look nice?”

“Yeah, sure but I’m just wondering for who?”

“Umm maybe for me...” I replied, not bothering to hide the irritation from my voice. “I haven't felt like myself for months. Not since...not since everything that happened to me. And thanks to therapy _and_ Steve, I am finally starting to feel like the old Jade. So yeah I am trying to look nice for _myself_.”

Iris didn't look convinced. “Mmm hmm sure… you want a piece of that hot captain meat. And I know which piece.”

“I don’t. I really don’t. And besides he has a girlfriend, remember?”

“So?”

“So he’s in a committed relationship and I would never do anything with him because of-,” I broke off as my thoughts went back to that handsome metal armed super soldier. The one that I hadn’t seen in 6 long months. The one that I still thought and dreamt about. The one that I missed. I looked down. “Well because of...you know…”

Iris’ face softened and she stepped toward me. “I’m sorry. I know bringing James up is hard for you. I was just teasing I didn't mean-.”

“It’s fine. It’s not that-...its fine,” I shrugged my shoulders and finished putting on my lipstick and checked my reflection.

Silence lingered over us, loud and tense, Iris cleared her throat and I knew she was about to say something I wasn’t going to like. “Actually I am kind of glad that he got brought up because I’ve been wanting to talk to you about the whole James situation,” she started with an unusually hesitant tone. Iris was never afraid to say what was on her mind regardless of where she was or who it was to. I looked at her warily. “Maybe it’s time to...move on from James.”

“What?”

“I know you’re waiting for him to come back, but there is no guarantee that he ever will. Didn’t Steve tell you that he tried to get him to come back and he said no?”

“Yes, because he isn’t ready, which after everything that he’s been through is understandable.”

“I understand that, but you’re sitting here waiting on a man with a very troubled past who may never remember you when you should be living your life.”

“Iris, you don't know what you’re talking about. I’m not really waiting for him I’m just… Just…” I sighed in frustration. “You don’t know what you’re talking about and I really dont want to discuss this right now.”

The sound of the doorbell cut her off response and I was thankful for an interruption to this unwanted conversation. I brushed past her quickly and went for the door, opening it to find Steve on the other side. He was already smiling, his blue eyes roaming over me, before his eyebrows went up a bit.

“Wow, Jade, you look great. I’m so used to seeing you in scrubs,” he chuckled.

“Oh shucks, Steve you’re gonna make me blush,” I joked. “Let’s go.”

I stepped out of the apartment just as Iris came into the foyer. I shut the door behind me before she could say a word.

I was quiet during the movie and at dinner. I was sitting across from him in a hole in the wall pizza joint near my apartment that served the best pizza I had ever eaten, and was not enjoying it at all. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Iris had said, my mind going over her words repeatedly. _You’re sitting here waiting on a man who doesn’t even remember you._

“Jade?”

I looked up, catching Steve’s baby blues and the worried smile on his face. “Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You’ve been real quiet. You haven't even touched your pizza,” he said pointing to the now cold pizza on my plate.

“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just…” I sighed shaking my head. “Never mind. I’m fine.”

“Hey,” he said putting his pizza down and pushing the plate aside. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“Iris thinks that I am being stupid to wait for James,” I blurted quickly. “Especially since he doesn't remember me nor does he want to come back to New York.”

Steve’s face fell. “Oh…”

“Do...Do you think I am being stupid?”

He shook his head quickly. “No, Jade, I would never think that you are stupid under any circumstances. I know that you only knew each other a short while, but you and Bucky had something. It was definitely there.”

“But...what if he never remembers? What if he never wants to come back? And I miss out on my life because I’m hoping for something that may never happen. And there was no guarantee that it was going to go somewhere between us anyway.”

“No one would blame you for moving on Jade. Least of all Bucky,” Steve replied.

I exhaled long and slow. “It’s just...after everything that he and I went through together I thought we’d at least have a chance. And it had been so… _intense_ between us. It felt like something that could have lasted given the opportunity.”

“I know,” Steve sighed. “But like I said no one would blame you. Bucky would want you to live your life and be happy. And who's to say that one day, he wont remember and come back and it will be like he never left.”

_But he did…_

* * *

_9 months later_

“Your arm is looking good. Brain scans are good. All is good, Sergeant Barnes. How are you feeling?”

I shrugged. “I’m okay.”

“Sleeping?”

“I get some hours.”

“Any nightmares?”

“A few.”

“Mmm hmm...I received a call from Captain Rogers today,” Shuri said, very nonchalantly as she turned her back on me and fiddled with the device in her hand. “He is wondering how you are doing...if you would like to return to New York any time soon?”

I couldn't stop the irritated growl that came from my throat making Shuri look at me over her shoulder with a raised eyebrow. Steve was being the persistent guy he’d always been, unable to take no for an answer. It seemed every time we talked all he did was talk about New York and me coming back. “He just doesn't listen. Always thinks he knows best. Well you tell him that I will come back to New York when I am damn good and ready and he can stop pestering me _and_ you about it.”

Shuri gave me a look, one that made me uncomfortable, and I realized I was cursing and ranting at teenage princess. “Sorry Shuri, excuse my language,” I added quickly.

“It’s okay, Sergeant Barnes, I will pass along the message. Go home to your goats. I will see you next week.”

I slid off the exam table after mumbling a goodbye and headed out of the lab. One of the Dora Milaje escorted me back to my cabin, to my goats, and to my solitude. I went about my nightly routine of feeding my goats and making sure they all were in their pen before feeding myself and going to bed.

* * *

“You are a bed hog, Steve Rogers.”

He laughed, loudly. “It’s not my fault that your bed is so small.”

I huffed. “My bed is perfectly sized, you’re just huge. Now scoot over will ya’.”

Steve was still laughing as he scooted over as much as he could, leaning his back against the headboard, shifting the bowl of popcorn to his lap. I joined him on the bed, careful to keep some distance between us, and placed a pillow between my back and the headboard before leaning back and starting the movie.

After learning that I had the following day off Steve had suggested a movie night which I was always down for. But given that Iris’ boyfriend Brandon had recently moved in and the two of them had no qualms about very sexual PDA in our shared living room and were currently having a movie night themselves, I opted to have us watch the movie in my bedroom. I had quickly bought a new tv for my bedroom after Brandon had moved in and I had walked in on them in the living room two times and realized my living room was no longer safe. I was considering getting my own place and giving the love birds a roommate free love den.

“So where’s Sharon? She didn't want to join us for movie night?” I had made sure to include her in the invitation, I always did whenever Steve and I made plans, but she never joined us.

Steve tensed beside me. “Uh...Sharon and I broke up.”

I gaped at him. “What? When? Why? You guys were so cute together.”

“Two weeks ago. And because we just...didn't have time for each other. We thought it was best to be friends.”

 _Didn’t have time for each other?_ I felt bad suddenly thinking about all the time that Steve and I spent together, aside from our weekly lunch after therapy I saw Steve at least once more during the week just to hang and we texted frequently. _Did Captain America get dumped because of me?_

“Oh Steve, why didn't you say anything?”

He shrugged. “It’s not a big deal. These things happen.”

“Well we’ll have to do the breakup ritual.”

“The what?”

“You know box up all her stuff. Burn the pictures of you two together. Burn some sage to cleanse your house. Then sit in bed and listen to angry break up songs and eat ice cream. You know the break up ritual.”

Steve huffed a laugh. “I have never heard of this break up ritual. You’ve done this before?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “Iris and I have done it after every break up.”

“And how long is this ritual?”

“Depends. It lasted for 2 weeks after I broke up with Patrick.”

“2 weeks? Wow.”

“We were together 5 years so that was a unusual circumstance. The ritual is usually much shorter. 24 hours tops. You shouldn’t wallow too long.”

Steve nodded. “Why did you guys break up? If you don’t mind me asking.”

I hesitated, thinking back to that time when I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with Patrick. Only this time I didn’t feel the sting I usually felt when I thought back to that time.

“Well… he cheated on me,” I said looking at Steve. “I guess after 5 years he got bored of me.” I finished with a shrug and took a handful of popcorn from the bowl in Steve’s lap.

“I find it hard to believe that anyone could ever get bored of you, Jade,” Steve said softly. “That guy is just an idiot.”

I blushed crimson and couldn’t resist looking over at the man sitting beside me. He was smiling sheepishly, but his blue eyes were bright as ever. I looked away. I had too before those eyes drew me in.

“That’s nice of you to say, Steve,” I admitted. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

* * *

_12 months later_

“We’ll be at the compound in ten minutes. How ya’ feeling?”

I looked up when Steve took the seat beside me, shrugging my shoulders. Truthfully I was a little nervous about my return to New York and the busy city life of the modern world. After a year I had grown accustomed to the peace and quiet of my life in Wakanda. After everything that I had been through, from what I could remember, I deserved some peace and quiet. But Steve had never given up on trying to get me back to New York, back to the life that he said I had started there, though I remembered none of it.

“I’m feeling okay.”

“Good. This will be good for you, Buck. We’ll get you trained again, we’ll get you back out on missions. You’ll be completely back to yourself in no time.”

I gave Steve a tight lipped smile and nodded. “Yeah...looking forward to it.”

A week passed of me being in New York quicker than I expected. I had been welcomed back with open arms, even by Tony who usually regarded me with some disdain. My old room was familiar and comforting almost, I remembered it the more that I stayed in the room. I fell into my old schedule according to Steve pretty easily, training to get back out into the field and seeing Dr. Lewis to help with my memory and dealing with everything that had happened.

I was on my way to meet Dr. Lewis for our weekly scheduled meeting, walking quickly down the busy hallway to his office. I reached the door just as a woman stepped out and bumped right into me. The phone she had been staring at, which had preoccupied her too much with watching where she was going, dropped out of her hands and she bent down to retrieve it with a frustrated groan, not bothering to look up at me until she started to rise back to her feet.

“I’m sorry I-,” her words fell off the moment her eyes met mine and I froze. She continued to straighten her body slowly, her face a mask of shock.

“James,” she breathed, her eyes travelled from head to toe and back again. “I...I…”

 _She knows me._ Hearing her say my name made my heart flutter and it made me tense. Her face was startlingly familiar, I knew, I knew her...from somewhere… and then it hit me. _The dream_ . She was the girl, the one with the wild curls. The one with the pretty smile. It was her. But I still had no idea how or why I knew her or who she was to me. For all I knew she could be just an acquaintance, someone I had seen roaming these halls when I lived here before, only knowing her from seeing her around, and everything else I _thought_ I knew about her from my dreams were just a fantasy of my own creation?

“W-When did you get back?” She stuttered, clutching the strap of the messenger bag across her body tighter.

I hesitated unsure if I should answer or how I should answer. What did she know about me? _How_ did she know me?

She watched me expectantly, one eyebrow raised as she waited for my answer, hope bright in her eyes. When a few awkwardly silent seconds passed her face fell into realization, her head tilting, her breath catching in her throat.

“You... have no idea who I am, do you?” She said softly.

“I...I...don’t,” I admitted. “I’m sorry.”

I saw the hurt in her eyes first then it briefly crossed her face before she managed to wipe it away. She ran the back of her hand across both her eyes and took a deep breath and gave me a tight lipped smile. “I should go.”

She brushed past me quickly, leaving me to turn and watch her walk down the hall just as Steve rounded the corner at the end. She stopped when she saw him, looking back at me and then turning back to Steve who looked like a kid who had gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. She was saying something to him, something that I couldn’t catch over the other noises around us. Steve replied to her, shaking his head, reaching out and touching her arm. For some reason the sight of that made my blood boil, my fist clenched, and a lump formed in my throat. She yanked her arm away and spoke again, glancing back to look at me once more before she walked off leaving Steve behind.

I took a step toward Steve, intending to go over to him and ask him just who that girl was, who she was to me and what was going on; but Dr. Lewis’ office door opened and he peeked out.

“Ah, Sergeant Barnes, there you are, please come in,” he said motioning for me to enter.

* * *

_“What the hell, Steve? Why didn't you tell me that he was back? When did he get back?”_

_“I didn't think you wanted to know.”_

“ _What?” I huffed angrily. “Why wouldn't I want to know? What on earth could make you think that?”_

_“He still doesn't remember you. I thought you wouldn't want know because he didn’t-.”_

_“Either way, a heads up would have been nice before I freaking bumped into him coming out of stupid therapy, Steve. Of course I would want to know he was back! Whether he remembered me or not.”_

“ _I’m sorry Jade, I just thought that since you didn't want me to tell him about you, you wouldn’t want to know.”_

“ _I didn't want you to tell him about me because I didn't want things to be forced on him. He’s dealing with enough as is. I didn't want him to feel_ **_obligated_ ** _to...to...to like me or see me. I wanted him to remember me organically. To like me just because he did before, not because you told him I exist and he did at one point.”_

_He reached for my arm and took hold of it, rubbing his thumb across my skin. “Jade, I wasn’t trying to hurt or upset you-.”_

_I pulled my hand from his grasp. “Well you kinda did. I have to go. Bye Steve.”_

I had looked back down the hallway at that moment catching sight of James, who had been watching my interaction with Steve with clenched fists. It had felt like I had been punched in my gut when I had walked out of Dr. Lewis’ office, bumping right into the man and dropping my phone only to look up and see it was _him_. For a second I had thought that I was day dreaming, that it was all in my head. But he was very real and he didn’t know me at all.

The lack of recognition in his eyes had hurt all the more. I was suddenly back in that cell and he was standing at the foot of the bed and Dimitri’s hand was in my hair. I shook my head and gripped my messenger bag tighter, walking down the street faster. I felt the creeping feeling of that two ton boulder crawling over my chest and the more I tried to breathe, the harder it got.

_You’re fine, Jade. You’re fine. Breathe. You’re fine._

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out quickly, welcoming a distraction from the oncoming panic attack. I saw Iris’ smiling face on my caller ID and answered.

“Iris.”

“Hey couple questions, one being: how was therapy? And the second being: can I borrow your leather jacket you never wear anyway and should just let me have because I rock the hell out of it?”

I ignored all her questions and said the words I had lost hope on saying months ago. “James is back.”


	13. Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter. But I feel bad for making you all wait so long so I wanted to get something out.

I had a tense and distracted hour with Dr. Lewis, unable to keep my mind off of the girl and her interaction with me and then with Steve after. She must have been someone important to me, the way that I dreamed about her, the way she had looked so hurt when I said I didn't remember her, and the feeling of anger that I had felt at Steve touching her, she must have been a girl I was seeing or sleeping with or dating, maybe all three? But then I wondered why hadn’t Steve told me about her? Why wasn't she in any of my journals? All the questions only frustrated me even more.

I was out of Dr. Lewis’ office before he had finished saying ‘that’s time for today, Sergeant Barnes’, walking quickly and purposefully through the compound to the elevators that lead up to the living quarters. I bypassed the common area that Natasha, Sam, and Thor we’re currently hanging out in and went straight to Steve’s room knocking once on the door before pushing it open. He was there, sitting on his bed, phone in hand, looking up at me in surprise.

“Oh, hey, Buck-.”

“Who is she?” I cut in, shutting the door behind me and locking it. I was not in the mood for pleasantries or interruptions.

Steve hesitated. “Bucky-.”

“No, I know you know her. I saw you talking to her. And I want you to tell me who she is.”

“Sit down, Buck,” Steve said motioning to the bed beside him.

I didn't want to sit. I wanted to remain standing and for him to answer my damn questions, but I knew Steve’s stubbornness. He wouldn't answer me until I sat. I did begrudgingly, sitting next to him on the bed as he turned to look at me.

“Her name is Jade Johnson.”

I was suddenly propelled into a memory, one of her sitting across from me in some diner, smiling at me nervously. _‘Well I’m Jade Marie Johnson, since we’re sharing full names’,_ she had laughed softly while saying it, looking up at me through her lashes, a slight red hue to her cheeks which had sent my heart fluttering and made butterflies swarm in my stomach.

_Jade._

“Who is she to _me_?” I went further.

Steve took in a deep breath. “Well to really explain I have to start at the beginning.”

“Go on.”

“You went out drinking with Thor one night and you got plastered from what you told me-.”

I frowned. “We can't get drunk, Steve.”

“You can if you drink Asgardian alcohol which is made for Gods,” Steve replied. “Which you did and it got you really drunk and you met someone while you were out and you brought her back here.”

“Jade…”

“Yes, Jade. She spent the night with you and you guys...you know…” Steve turned a shade of red before clearing his throat and continuing. “She snuck out before you woke up, me and the rest of the team caught her on the way out. It was embarrassing for her naturally. And when I went in to check on you I found her ID in your room; and even though you couldn’t remember a single thing from the night before, I encouraged you to bring it to her and ask her out.”

I huffed. “Typical.”

Steve gave me a brief frown before continuing. “You went, you went out to eat, she gave you her number and kissed you on the cheek and things went well. And then you came back to the compound and after talking to me and Nat about it decided it would be too dangerous for you to be with her or be around her and you never called her or anything.”

“And you ended up being right because a week or so later, when you got back early from a mission and went to her place to check on her, you caught a group of Russian men- Hydra’s men- trying to kidnap her.”

My blood was boiling again at that the thought of that. “Did they succeed?”

Steve shook his head. “No, you got there just in time apparently. You took her to a safe house, a motel room at a pretty much deserted motel in the middle of nowhere that we set up for you. You got shot in the process of saving her and passed out from blood loss. She stitched you up and took care of you and when I called to see why the safe house had been accessed she answered and told me what was happening. You were there for a day and a half, and I’m not sure really what happened between you while we waited to move you back to the compound, but I did walk in on you guys kissing and the next time I came to bring food she had a hickey on her neck.”

I felt a small smile touch my lips. _Old Bucky’s still got it_ , the thought crossed my mind smugly. It had been so long since I had been with anyone before all this mess that I wondered if I ever would find someone and if I did, would I still be as suave as I once was. Apparently I still had it, even after all this time.

“And then he, Dimitri, and a group of men came for you guys.”

I frowned, the smugness leaving me completely. “And?”

“And they took you back to Russia, to the facility where you were held sometimes as the Winter Soldier. They wiped your memory, turned you back to the Winter Soldier and Dimitri made her watch,” my fists clenched. “He toyed with Jade, made you attack her and almost kill her just for the fun of it. And locked her in a cell. _Your_ old cell. Kept her in there with no food or water for 3 days before he came in and tried to rape her while you stood there and watched.”

My stomach sunk into the pits of my body and fiery anger raged through my veins. I remembered none of that, but just hearing it was enough to make me feel livid. She had suffered all of that because of _me_ and I didnt even remember her. I shook my head.

“So when you said that you rescued me from a Hydra cell this last time she was there too?”

Steve nodded. “Yes, we found you guys just in time. I went in after you and sent Tony and Thor after her.”

“Why didn't you tell me about her? I would have...I woulda…” I shook my head again. “I don't know what I would have done, but she deserves for me to remember her. Everything that she's been through just for me and I cant even have the decency to remember.”

“Bucky, that’s not your fault and she realizes that. She didn't want me to tell you about her because she didn’t want you to feel obligated or anything. She wanted you to remember her on your own and remember why you liked her just because, not because we told you that you did.”

“She barely knows me and I put her through all of that and shes still somehow concerned about me?” I ran a hand through my hair. I stood. “I need to go talk to her. To apologize. Or...something. Do you know where she lives?”

* * *

“And Steve didn’t tell you?”

I shook my head. “No, he didn’t.”

Iris sighed. “What a jerk move by the Captain.”

I pushed my spaghetti around on my plate. “He said he thought I wouldn't want to know, because Bucky still didn't remember me. Probably trying to spare my feelings or something.”

“Or keep you all to himself,” Iris mumbled before taking a sip of her wine.

I looked up from my plate and frowned at her. “Don’t start that again, Iris. Steve and I are just friends.”

“Yes, I know, but I am not totally convinced that he doesn't have feelings for you,” she set her wine glass down and reached for bread out of the bread basket.

“Well even if he did it doesnt matter because the only person I have feelings for is the metal armed man that came into my life a year ago and turned it all upside down.”

The restaurant was full around us, Iris asking me to meet her there after our conversation on the phone. Iris thought the cure to everything involving emotions was food, specifically Italian food or breakfast food. But the definite cure to feelings of betrayal was pasta and bread in her book.

“Well can you forgive the Captain?” She asked.

“Yes, after a lengthy time out and another apology. I know he was thinking that he was doing the right thing, but he _knew_ that I had been waiting and wondering. I mean I ask about James nearly every time we talk.”

“And what will you do about James?”

I shrugged. “I don't know. What is there to do? He doesn’t remember me.”

“Maybe you should go talk to him?”

“And say what exactly? ‘Hey you don’t remember me but we had a one night stand and then a crazy bad guy tried to kidnap me because of you and we spent two days in hiding in a motel room doing basically everything BUT having sex and then we both got kidnapped and I had to sit and watch them turn you into a mindless monster and you stood by and watched while the crazy bad guy attempted to rape me’?” I shook my head. “I can't make him remember. I can't make him like me again. He has to do it on his own, otherwise its...fake. And what James and I had...even in that short time, was real and that's what I want again.”

Irish sighed, but nodded. “I hear you, girl. I do...I am going to cancel my plans with Brandon tonight and kick him out for a while, and you and me, we’re going to stay in and drink wine and eat junk.”

I felt a small smile touch my lips. The girl may have gotten on my last damn nerve sometimes, but I loved her. She always knew how to cheer me up and have my back.

“That sounds like a good idea.”

“We can watch a movie on your fancy new bedroom TV,” she drawled.

I rolled my eyes. “I only got that fancy new bedroom TV because you and Brandon dont know how to keep your damn hands to yourself when others are present.”

“What can I say?” Iris exhaled and shrugged. “We’re madly, deeply, and touchily in love.”

We finished up our meal and paid before walking home together, arms linked and talking about a different subject than my current dilemmas. I forced it all to the back of my mind, forcing myself to engage in conversation that wasn't about Steve or Bucky, and just be in the moment with my friend. It felt nice, like a small weight had lifted even just for the moment; that was until we were approaching our building and I saw James Buchanan Barnes sitting on the steps outside.

I felt my heart skip a beat as he saw me, his eyes widening a bit, nervousness crossing his features. He rose from where he was sitting, straightening his leather jacket and pushing his long hair back from his face. Iris and I came to a halt a small distance away, her arm still linked with mine as she looked between the both of us worriedly. Bucky looked at Iris, nodding politely in greeting before his eyes were back on me. Those damn blue eyes of his.

“Hi...Jade,” he said softly and I felt like my heart all, but burst in my chest. “Can...Can we talk?”


	14. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Jade talk. Finally. Lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is all Bucky’s POV.

She wasn’t at her apartment when I had gotten there. But I was determined to speak to her. To apologize for everything that she had to endure because of me and for the fact that my idiotic brain didn't even remember any of it or  _ her.  _ I decided to wait for her, sitting on the steps that lead to her building and trying to think of what I could possibly say to her. And also hoping that I didn't look like a creepy stalker waiting for her outside of her apartment. 

An hour passed and I briefly thought about leaving, going back to the compound and asking Steve for her phone number to call instead; when I heard the sound of laughter approaching on the otherwise quiet street. I looked up to find her coming down the sidewalk, with a woman at her side, their arms linked together, laughing happily. My heart started to race the moment she noticed me, her eyes locking with mine and the smile slipping right off her face, the laughter dying in her throat. She looked stunned to see me there, her footsteps halting and forcing her friend to stop along with her. I rose slowly, feeling nervousness sweep through me, adjusting my jacket and pushing my hair from my face. I nodded to her friend in greeting, not wanting to be rude, and looked back to Jade.

“Hi...Jade,” I said, my voice soft and almost unsteady. “Can...Can we talk?”

“Y-Yeah, sure,” she stuttered nodding slowly. She looked to her friend at her side. “Iris, can you give us a minute?”

Iris nodded. “Yeah, of course, I’ll just be upstairs if you need me.” She gave Jade’s arm a squeeze before releasing her and walking towards me. “It’s good to see you again, Mr. Metal,” she said cheerily, winking at me.

I felt a confused frown cross my lips as she breezed past me.  _ Mr. Who? _

She didn’t wait for me to respond, smirking at me before she went up the steps quickly and disappeared inside. I turned back to find Jade watching me, a blush to her cheeks, a timid smile on her full lips. Those damn butterflies were swarming in my stomach and I swallowed hard.

“Should we sit?” She asked motioning to the steps behind me.

“Oh, sure,” I said stepping back and allowing her to sit first. I sat beside her, a comfortable distance away, not wanting to encroach on her space.

A silence fell over us, an uncomfortable one, that mixed with a sudden tension I felt at being near her. My body was practically tingling, calling to hers, the urge to wrap my arms around her and hug her close nearly too strong to ignore. My brain may have lost her somehow, but my body had not. It knew her and there was a desire there, one that couldn't come from anything other than an intimacy we had previously shared. I did my best to ignore it, went over what I wanted to say to her, wondering how to start, to make things right, but she spoke first.

“You know my name,” she said. “And where I live…”

I nodded. “Yeah, Steve, he told me… everything,” she frowned and looked down. “I know you didn’t want him too, but I didn’t give him much of a choice.”

“So you still don’t remember anything?” She cut in, a hint of sadness to her voice.

“No,” I answered seeing the way the disappointment shined in her eyes when she looked up at me again. “But I want too,” I added quickly.

“I want you to, too,” she said softly.

I wanted to reach out and touch that blush on her cheeks then, to rub my thumb across that skin of hers that I knew would be soft to the touch. I could see why I had liked her, she was definitely easy on the eyes, with a sweet demeanor, and if everything that Steve had said was true, then she had already endured more for me than any other person had. Well aside from Steve. Despite not being able to remember her, how could I not like her knowing all of that?

“I owe you an apology. A big one,” I started. “For what happened before-.”

She chuckled softly shaking her head, making me stop. “Stop apologizing, James. It’s not your fault.”

I gaped at her incredulously.  _ How can it not be? How can she even stand to look at me after everything that I put her through? _

“How could it not be-?”

“Even before they took your memory from you, you were always apologizing and I had to stop you. It’s really not your fault. You didn't mean to turn my life upside down, you were just trying to live your life, and the whole Dimitri thing-,” she stiffened as she mentioned that name, taking a deep shuddering breath. My fists clenched as I thought back to what Steve had told me Dimitri had done to her. “The Dimitri thing wasn't your fault. You aren’t responsible for what he did. You would have stopped him if you could have. If anything its my fault because he used me to get to you, to make you let them take your memory and turn you back into…into that  _ soldier _ .” she trailed off and looked at me with watery eyes.

“Oh, Doll,” the pet name fell too easily from my lips, and I knew instantly that it was something that I had called her before. I reached for her face. It felt so normal to touch her, so  _ right,  _ and heat raced up my arm the moment our skin touched. Her eyes widened a bit at the contact, her lips parting and a small gasp that I might have missed were it not for my enhanced hearing escaped her. “None of this was your fault Jade. Don’t you blame yourself for any of it. I was a fool to think that I could have any sense of a normal life with Hydra still on my tail.”

“That’s not fair, James,” she cut in again, she reached up and placed her much smaller hand over mine, pressing it further against her cheek. “You deserve a happy life. A semi normal life at the very least. After everything that you have been through. I don't blame you for any of this. It sounds crazy, but I’m still glad that I met you. And believe it or not we’ve had this exact conversation before,” she laughed softly.

I shook my head at her, shocked and amazed at her kindness and selflessness. Any person in their right mind wouldn’t have wanted to be within ten feet of me if they knew the very real danger that I could bring into someone’s life. And here she was, having endured hell for me and still somehow liking me, wanting me, happy to have met me. I wished then that I could remember all the moments that had passed between us, every look, every touch, every smile, every kiss and more that we had shared. I wanted it all back and I was angry at Hydra for again taking something from me.

She was looking into my eyes so intently, almost with a desperation. I found myself leaning in, my lips tingling with the want to feel hers. My nose was almost touching hers when she turned her head downward, right before they met and her hand dropped from mine. I reluctantly withdrew my hand and leaned back, feeling an ache in my palm at the absence of the touch.

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I want too. I do. But I think we should hold off...until you get some of your memories back...that way we know what you’re feeling is  _ real _ and not just because you think you should like me after everything.”

It made sense. As much as I didnt want it to, it did. She was still worried about me. I nodded in agreement. “It’s okay, Jade, you’re right.”

“So...what do we do from here?” She asked.

I didn't know. I didn't know what to do. I just knew that I wanted all of my memories back more than anything. I wanted to remember her and everything about her. “Can we...go out sometime? The more I’m with you, the more I should remember...I hope.”

She smiled brightly. “Well, actually you do owe me a proper date.”

“I do, huh?” I smiled.

“Yes, James Buchanan Barnes, you do,” she said. “And luckily for you I happen to have some free time tomorrow.”

“Well good. I’ll be here tomorrow then. We can have dinner. Say 7:00?” I offered.

She nodded. “7:00 is perfect.”

“Great,” I answered. “I should let you get back to your friend then. I’ll see you tomorrow.” We both rose at the same time.

She started backing up the steps toward the buildings door, not taking her eyes off of me. “I look forward to it,” she said.

“Goodnight, Jade,” I called when she reached the door.

“Goodnight, James,” she replied before opening the door and stepping through.

I made it back to the compound well after sunset, a small smile on my face and a bit of hope in my stomach. Steve was waiting for me when I got back to the compound, giving me an odd sense of deja vu when I saw him standing outside my room door waiting.

“Hey, how did it go, was Jade mad that I told you?” He asked as soon as I stepped off the elevator.

“Don't think so,” I shrugged as I reached him, opening my room door and feeling him follow behind me. “And it went well. We talked. We’re going out tomorrow.”

“Good, that’s great, I, uh, brought you something,” he said making me turn to him. He was holding a journal in his hands. “This is the most recent journal you wrote before being taken by Dimitri. It talks about Jade, a little bit, I didn't give it to you because of, you know, her not wanting you to know about her.”

“Oh,” I said taking the notebook from his hands. “Thanks Steve.”

“You’re welcome,” he answered shoving his hands into his pockets. He looked at me hesitantly, worry in his eyes. “So we’re good then?”

“We’re always good,” I assured touching his shoulder with a smile. “Now get out of here. I’m hitting the hay.”

He nodded and turned to leave the room, offering a goodnight before shutting the door behind him. I settled onto the bed, kicking off my boots and sitting down on my bed. I opened the notebook, flipping through the first pages until I saw her name written in my hurried writing.

I had written about everything that Steve had told me up until we had been taken by Dimitri, but in far more detail. I had written about how she made me feel, the emotions and feelings that she had called forth in me, things that I had thought I would never feel again. I was surprised at how fondly I wrote of her, how open I had been because of her. Then I had gotten to the passages I had written about having to let her go, being unable to be in her life due to the danger that I could and inevitably would bring into her life. I had been right about that, far more than I wanted to be.

I had hoped that reading my own writing about her would call forth more memories, or all of them, of her, but it hadn’t. I went for my laptop then, opening the internet just as Shuri had showed me and googling how to remember lost memories.

The next morning I went straight to Dr. Lewis’ office, carrying the journal, walking right into his office, thankful to find him sitting at his desk alone. He was decent looking guy in his late 50’s, he was soft spoken, educated, kind. I had been wary of him at first, sitting in some room with a guy, pouring my feelings out to him sound silly to me, but after many sessions I had grown comfortable with him. He looked up at me in surprise as I entered, setting down his pen and closing his notepad.

“Sergeant Barnes,” he said removing his glasses. “I wasn't aware we had an appointment this morning.”

“We don’t Doc. But I want my memories back,” I said walking to his desk and setting the journal before me. “And I want you to hypnotize me, you can use this to prompt me.”

Dr. Lewis blinked. “Sergeant Barnes, while I am capable of doing something like that and have before, I think in a case like yours, doing something like that might be quite dangerous. It’s why I have never brought the method up myself. What is prompting you to take such desperate measures to get your memories back so quickly?”

“There’s a girl. The one I told you about. The one I was dreaming about in Wakanda.”

Dr. Lewis nodded knowingly. “Jade.”

“Yes, she’s a patient of yours right?”

“Yes, she is one of my patients,” he answered.

“So you knew about us? About her and me before I lost my memory?”

“I can't tell you what we discuss in our private sessions, but I was made aware of the incident and her involvement. Captain Rogers and Mr. Stark told me before she became my patient.”

“So you know what she has been through because of me and you can see why I need my memory back then?”

Dr. Lewis set his glasses on his desk and clasped his hands. I got the feeling that I wouldn’t like what he had to say next. “There are things that have been erased from your memory that if you were to remember them again they might be completely traumatizing to you-.”

“I know, Doc, and I don't care. I think...I think she’s worth it,” I cut in with a firm nod. “Now will ya do it or not?”

Dr. Lewis hesitated, looking at me with calculating eyes before sighing. “Yes, Sergeant Barnes, I will do it.  _ But _ I am promising nothing. Hypnotism has had positive results with calling on suppressed memories in studies, but there are no guarantees.”

I nodded. “I know, I looked it up last night, but I still want to try.”

“Then please lie down on the couch, Sergeant Barnes.”


	15. Revenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that this story is AU and non canon! For the sake of the plot I needed to mention that again lol
> 
> This chapter is all Jade and takes place the same morning Bucky went to Dr. Lewis for help. 
> 
> Also the next chapter is the last. I’m thinking up a sequel if there’s an interest in reading it. We’ll see what happens. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and all the kudos and comments. They fuel me. :)

The conference room of the compound was as lavish as the rest of the building with a large wooden table that could seat at least 12 people in extremely comfortable cushioned chairs. I was currently sitting in one of the comfortable chairs, anxiously waiting for Steve  and Tony to enter.

Steve had called that morning, asking me to meet him at the compound, stating that he and Tony had something important to discuss with me. I noticed immediately that he hadn’t mentioned that Bucky would be present and felt a sense of dread at the thought that he would be telling me bad news about Bucky, that something had happened to him. I hurriedly called in to ask a coworker to cover the beginning of my shift and rushed into the compound.

It was only a few minutes before they both walked in, Tony in a fancy looking suit, and Steve in his tactical Captain America gear. They both smiled pleasantly at me, Steve shutting the door behind them.

“Jade, thank you for joining us,” Tony said walking around the table as I stood. He offered a hand that I took and shook. “How are you?”

“I’m good...honestly a little nervous about what you guys wanted to talk about, but good,” I nodded turning to Steve who approached next. He opted for a one armed hug, which I had accepted. My anger for him had lessened after the good conversation that Bucky and I had last night, which had left me feeling better than I had felt since the kidnapping.

“It’s nothing to be nervous about,” Steve assured looking down at me. “Due to a recent raid on a Hydra base we finally found some intel on a man who we believe to be Dimitri. He’s been a ghost up until this point with no information about him anywhere, even F.R.I.D.A.Y couldnt dig anything up, but,” he paused to glance at Tony who was taking a seat at the head of the conference table. “We have a photo and we need you to identify him. To make sure that we have the right guy.”

I blinked. “Oh.” I had hoped that I would never have to look at his face again. “I would have thought that you guys had seen him-.”

“We didn’t,” Tony cut in. “By the time we made it past his small army of soldiers he had snuck out the back, leaving Manchurian Candidate behind.”

Steve and I both frowned at the nickname. “Yes, he left _Bucky_ behind and made a run for it. I think he was more concerned with not being captured. And if this is him, the man that we have photographed, then all this has been about revenge.”

“Revenge?” I asked confused. “Revenge for what?”

Steve opened his mouth, but Tony spoke. “Let’s take a look at the photo first before we divulge anymore information yet there, Capsicle,” he said pulling a slim piece of paper from the inside of his fancy coat pocket. He set it on the table and slid it towards me, Steve catching it before it reached me and picking it up.

“Before we do that, we should ask you Jade...are you okay with this? I know it might be hard after everything that you have been through,” Steve looked concerned. “And you _don’t_ have to do this.”

I took a deep breath and nodded. “Of course. I want to help.  Whatever I can do. It’s just a photo right?” I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant.

Steve hesitated for just a second before setting the photo on the table in front of me. I looked down at it slowly, recognizing the face in the picture before I had taken it all in. It was a black and white photo, a close up on his face. A face that had tormented me for the past year and then some. It was him alright. And I was suddenly back in that cell, his hand in my hair, his lips on mine, with Bucky standing there doing nothing. My heart started to race and I felt my stomach turn, my chest growing tight. I shut my eyes and practiced my breathing exercises. _You’re fine, Jade. It's just a photo. It’s just a photo._

“Jade.” I felt the warmth of Steve’s hand on my shoulder and I had to resist the strong urge to flinch. When I opened my eyes again, the photo was gone from the table and I noticed Steve’s hand was in a fist, I got the impression the photo was crumpled in there.

“T-That was him. That was Dimitri,” I confirmed with a nod.

“You okay?” Steve ignored my statement.

“Yeah. I’m good,” I lied. “Since you have a photo that means that you have found him right? That you can bring him in and I can stop looking over my shoulder?”

Steve and Tony shared a glance. “We have an idea of where he is hiding and now that you’ve identified him he’ll be much easier to find with our facial recognition software. We can go get him as soon as F.R.I.D.A.Y gets a read on him,” Tony answered. “We just needed a positive ID. I am sorry that we had to ask you to come in and do this but you’re the only one who saw him. Manchu-.” I shot him a glare. He cleared his throat and corrected himself. “ _Sergeant Barnes’_ memory is unreliable as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“I understand. But you said something about revenge?” I probed.

It was Tony that explained. “His name is Dimitri Karpov. He is the son of Vasily Karpov. Bucky’s original handler. Bucky killed his original handler a year ago. We believe that Dimitri is out to get Bucky because of that and the fact that he is- _was_ -the Winter Soldier of course. We also think that Dimitri has had some form of the super soldier serum and/or been used for some of the same experimentation that Bucky has. But until we capture and question him this is all just speculation. But it is clear that he has a hard on for Bucky...and you.”

“Well it’s been a year since….everything. And there’s been no sign of him. Maybe he’s moved on.”

“No, Jade, it's more likely he’s just waiting for an opportunity,” Steve shook his head. “To get to Bucky or you again.”

There was that heavy boulder again, creeping right up on my chest. “Great. So...So we do what now?”

“Same thing you’ve been doing, you live your life. We will continue to keep an eye on you in case Dimitri tries anything before we get our hands on him,” Tony leaned forward and put his arms on the conference table. “But finding him is and has been our number one priority and we will bring him in. That’s a certified Stark promise.”

I wanted to scoff and remind him that it had been a year and so far all they had come up with was a photo and a theory, but I held my tongue and snark.

“If that’s all I have to be going,” I said quickly rising to my feet. “I have to get to work.” In truth I just wanted to get out of there. “I hope that I was some help.”

“You were Jade, thank you for coming,” Tony said rising with me and offering his hand again to shake.

They both walked me to the door and Tony departed leaving me alone with Steve in the hallway. He smiled down at me hesitantly. “Jade, about me not telling you about Bucky-.”

I held up a hand stopping him. “Steve, don't worry about it. You thought you were doing the right thing, probably trying to spare my feelings and all that. I understand and I forgive you.”

He looked relieved. “Good, because I really wasn't trying to hurt you.”

“I know, Steve. I know.”

“So we’re good then?”

“Yes, we’re good. Walk me out?”

“Of course.”

We started down the hall, walking side by side. “So big date with Bucky tonight, huh?”

I felt a blush in my cheeks and a heat in my belly at the thought. I was anxious to spend time with Bucky, and had been thinking about it all night. I was hoping that spending time with him would jog his memory.

“Yes, I’m trying not to get my hopes up that he’ll miraculously remember me after spending some real time with me. I know it will probably take more than that. But I can’t help it, I am a little hope-.”

“Jade!”

I froze in the hallway at the loud yell of my name from a familiar voice. Steve and I both turned, a puzzled look on my face, my face falling when I saw Bucky standing at the end of the hallway. There was a small hint of a smile on his face, and he was breathing heavily as though he’d been running. My heart started to race when our eyes locked and I saw something in them that made my stomach flip. _Familiarity._ He strode towards me purposefully, in quick and sure steps, his blue eyes aimed right on me. I was frozen in the spot, feeling my chest heave and my heart thudding in my chest. A single thought crossing my mind repeatedly.

_He remembers. He remembers. He remembers._

He reached for me as he came closer, one hand taking hold of my hip to pull me against him, the other touching my cheek, and then his lips were on mine and I was completely breathless. Heat flooded me at contact and the kiss deepened, his head turning and his tongue slipping into my mouth assaulting me with his taste. It felt like all those times before, but better, the passion and the fire and the desire all there with a renewed sense of urgency. It wasn’t a kiss you shared with someone you didn’t remember, there was too much recognition. I moaned into his mouth, my body finally unfreezing to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. Everything else slipped away and it was just him and I, in the moment, in the heat, and for the briefest of moments it was like he had never lost his memories, like he had never left.

When he finally pulled away needing air, his forehead resting against mine, my head was still firmly in the clouds. My eyelids felt heavy as they slid open and I looked up into the ocean blue of his, and just with his kiss there was recognition, desire, familiarity. My lips parted as I struggled to think of something to say, to ask him what had happened since I last saw him that made him remember me.

“You remember,” was all I managed to get out in a choked voice.

“Yes Jade Marie Johnson, the pediatric nurse who likes to eat breakfast for dinner and enjoys the trashiest day time television shows I have ever seen, I remember you,” he smiled.

I couldn’t think of a thing to say again and just stood there with my forehead against his, looking stunned.

“I missed you, Sugar, even when I didn’t remember you,” he breathed in a whisper against my lips that made my heart flutter. “I’ve been dreaming about you since I woke up in Wakanda.”

_Sugar._

I sighed, letting my eyes fall closed again, one hand sliding up the back of his neck to feel his soft hair. I had missed _him_. More than I had let myself admit.

“You don’t know how good it is to hear you call me that after all this time,” I whispered. My eyes felt watery, I could feel the tears brimming in the corners of my eyes.u

“I’m so sorry,” his arm encircled me pulling me closer against him, I shivered at the feel of hard muscle, my body practically melting over his. He shook his head.  “For everything. For bringing all this on you. For not protecting you. For not remembering you. For leaving you.”

I took his face in my hands. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing?” I looked up into his blue eyes.

“Apparently a lot,” he chuckled softly and it warmed my heart.

“Wait, you remember her?”

I startled at the new voice, turning my head to see Steve staring at the both of us in wide eyed surprise. In the intensity of the moment I had forgotten he was there, the heat of embarrassment touching my cheeks. Bucky had too apparently because he cleared his throat and straightened looking at Steve with a mild hint of irritation. But he kept his arms firmly around me.

“Steve, I’m sorry I forgot you were there,” I admitted.

“No, don’t apologize,” Steve smiled excitedly looking between us. “Bucky, what did you do to get your memories back?”

Bucky shook his head, looking back down at me. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is I remember you,” he touched my cheek again. The butterflies swarmed me. “Can I still take you out later? I do believe we did agree to a proper date before we…” he trailed off glancing at Steve who was still an audience to the situation. “Well you remember…”

I nodded quickly, still slightly shocked by the sudden change and the intense kiss. “Y-Yes. Please. I would like that.”

He smiled, his thumb brushing across my cheek. “Good. I have some things to take care of. I’ll pick you up at 7:00. Okay?”

I nodded again.

He placed another lip tingling lingering kiss on my lips before letting me go, sending an ache through my body at the absence of his touch. He was still smiling when he walked past me, beckoning Steve to follow with a wave of his hand. I stood there frozen watching them both walk away and feeling like I was dreaming, waiting to wake up in my bed and be sorely disappointed to find it wasn’t reality. But the first step I took felt real and the second and third that followed. I felt excitement course through me, the old Bucky was back.


	16. The Date pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James and Jade finally go on their date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.... I lied.
> 
> Sorry. 
> 
> This isn’t the last chapter because well it just didn’t work out that way for these two. 
> 
> Also this is kinda fluffy. Couldn’t help myself.

I didn't remember what had happened while I was hypnotized, in fact the only thing I did remember was lying back on the soft brown leather couch and thinking, _I really hope this works for Christ sake._ And the next thing I knew Dr. Lewis was snapping his fingers repeatedly next to my ear, yelling my name, and someone was screaming. My heart was pounding and my chest was heaving when my eyes snapped open, my metal hand gripping the wood backing of the couch so hard that it had snapped. It was then I realized that _I_ was the one screaming.

“Sergeant Barnes,” Dr. Lewis sighed in relief when the scream died in my throat and I looked at him. “Welcome back.”

I blinked, slowly and dazedly, sweat pouring down my forehead in tiny rivers. My hands shook as I released the couch and sat up, looking bewildered and confused.

_What the hell happened?_

And then like a flood it all came rushing back, crashing over me with enough force to knock the wind out of me. In an instant I was reliving everything, seeing the look of anguish on Steve’s face as I fell from the train, the torture by Hydra, the training, the missions, the memory wiping, all of it. Playing right in front of my eyes like a movie fast forwarding on the fastest speed. I had unlocked a door, a door to a tiny closet that had been stuffed to the brim with everything about my time as the Winter Soldier that I _didn’t_ want to remember or relive. And I had foolishly pulled that door open, demanded it even, and it was all crashing down on me.

But with it came the memories of Jade, the missions and the anguish turning to the memory of standing nervously in her apartment, asking her to have dinner with me, and then our time in the motel room, her desperate kiss, her hand in my hair, her body beneath mine. And then we were back to the anguish, seeing the look of fear and sadness on her face as they lowered me into the chair, as they made her watch them turn me back into that cold blooded killer. And then I was standing there while Dimitri taunted her, assaulted her, and I did nothing. _Nothing._

“Sergeant Barnes!”

I startled, my eyes snapping open again to see Dr. Lewis kneeling in front of me. “I...I…” I was struggling to speak and to breathe. My throat and chest felt tight.

“Sergeant Barnes, you’re having a panic attack. I want you to look into my eyes and take ten deep breaths, okay? In and out,” he said demonstrating it for me.

I did as he asked, the first few breaths doing nothing to help the distress I was feeling, but around the sixth breath I felt some tension leave my shoulders, my heart began to slow down. My hands were still shaking, that hadn’t stopped.

“Good, very good, Sergeant Barnes,” he said when he noticed me calming down. “Tell me what you’re feeling right now.”

“I...I…” my mouth wasn’t working. I couldn't form words. My head dropped, my hair falling around my face. I was feeling a multitude of emotions, the prominent ones being guilt, shame, regret. So much had, had happened. I had done many things, terrible things.

Dr. Lewis sensed my inability to speak. He looked sincere and understanding. “I know things came back. I’m not sure how much, but I know there are things that have come back that, as I warned, are traumatizing. But instead of focusing on that, I’d like to ask if your memories of Jade returned?”

My head snapped up at that.

“I’m going to assume thats a yes. So lets talk that through,” Dr. Lewis continued at my silence. “What do you remember?”

“E-Everything,” I blurted. “I...I stood by while he...and she…”

“Instead of focusing on the bad that occured to you two, how about we focus on the good? Do you remember those parts?”

My mind immediately envisioned her smiling at me, a sparkle in her brown eyes, a red tinge to the tops of her cheeks. “Yeah...I...I remember.”

“Good. That’s good. Hold onto that good memory for me. I want you to close your eyes and really focus on it,” he instructed.

I let my eyes fall closed, grasping onto the memory of her smiling face, and focused on it. It drew me in and I was back in that motel room in seconds, watching her lay across the bad, laughing at daytime television, her eyes periodically darting over to me, only for her to blush and look away with a small smile on her lips. The more I thought of her, the more I felt my body relax, my muscles loosening, my shoulders sagging, tension slipping away.

“Any time you experience a negative memory or an emotion from a negative memory, Sergeant Barnes, I want you to focus on the good memories that you have with Jade. Remember the reason that you did this and focus entirely on those good memories. We will work through the rest. Okay?”

I nodded once. “Okay, Doc.”

“I’m afraid that I have another appointment, but if you truly need more time in here I can cancel?”

I shook my head. “No. No. I just...I’m good.”

Dr. Lewis didn't look like he believed me, but nodded. “I think we need to up our appointments to three times a week,” Dr. Lewis said straightening to his feet. “And I am going to prescribe something to help keep you relaxed throughout the day and something to help you sleep through the night. I expect your nightmares to get much worse now and I want you prepared for that.”

I had expected consequences. I hadn’t gone into this blindly. I nodded again. “Thanks Doc.”

“Let’s have a session tomorrow afternoon okay?” He said opening his appointment book on his desk. “1:00 p.m. work for you?”

“Y-Yeah,” I ran a hand through my hair, it was slightly damp from sweat.

Dr. Lewis’ face became serious. “Due to this change in mental state, I think we’ll hold off on approving you for field duty for a few weeks.”

I wanted to protest, but Dr. Lewis had never steered me wrong. Steve had been trying to get me approved for missions since I returned, but given that my memories were back and panic attack inducing I doubt being out in the field would help any of that.

“Okay, Doc. Whatever you say.”

“Great. Great. Please don’t forget to pick up your prescription,” he said handing me a slip of paper.

I rose to my feet slowly, taking the paper with shaky hands. I took a deep breath to steady myself, shoving the prescription in my pocket.

“Thank you.”

I forced my mind to remain blank, feeling numb and distant from my own self while I stepped out of Dr. Lewis’ office. I could feel all the memories right at the back of my mind, ready to overtake me again if I let my guard down for even a second, if I thought about just one. I did as Dr. Lewis had said, I envisioned Jade’s smiling face instead, forced myself to hold onto the memory of the sound of her laugh.

“Manchurian Candidate, there you are, just finished another session with the head shrink huh?”

I turned at the sound of Tony Stark’s voice, feeling a scowl set onto my face when I saw him strolling down the hallway. I hated that damn nickname. “Stark,” I growled in greeting.

“Whoa someone’s in a mood,” Tony commented. “I just had a meeting with your girl, if you hurry you can catch her near the conference room. Maybe that will change your tude grumpy gills.”

 _My girl?_ “Jade?” I said quickly. “You had a meeting with Jade?”

He nodded absently, brushing past me. “Yes, Jade. You remember her right? Hurry and you’ll catch her.”

I rolled my eyes at his snide comment and took off in a jog down the hall, turning the corner for the conference rooms and catching sight of her walking with Steve. My heart was already fluttering when I saw the back of her head. I called to her loudly, seeing the way she jumped slightly and turned, her eyes widening at the sight of me. A smile was on my lips when I started to walk to her and then my lips were on hers without a second thought. She melted into me and I reveled in the feel of her, the familiarity of her taste, the way her body responded to mine. Everything slipped away while we kissed and for the moment it was just me and her and the passion and the heat.

I didn’t want to tell her what I had done. It would tarnish our reunion, which I didn’t want. To me it was all worth it. I remembered her and that was all that mattered.

Steve wouldn’t let up about how I got my memories back so quickly which was to be expected. He followed me to the elevators which led up to the Avengers living quarters. I didn’t answer him until I was sure we were away from Jade.

“I had Dr. Lewis hypnotize me,” I answered as the elevator doors closed.

Steve gaped at me. “You what?”

“I wanted to remember her. I _had_ too. After everything I put her through,” I ran a hand through my hair pushing it away from my face.

Steve said nothing for several seconds, just stared at me until the elevator doors opened and I stepped off leaving him to follow. “And it worked. You remember her?”

I nodded. “Yeah… I remember other things too.”

“Other things?” Steve probed as I pushed open the door to my bedroom.

He shut it behind him as I sat down on my bed. “Yeah... It all came back,” I admitted. “Everything _he_ did.” I didn’t need to elaborate on who he was. I had always considered the Winter Soldier a separate entity. Not who I was. But someone I was turned into. I had been thankful at one point that I didn’t remember what he did, only bits and pieces that came through in my nightmares. But now that all changed.

Steve sighed. “Oh Buck…”

“I knowingly did it. I did it for her.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Buck. I think Jade is amazing. She and I have gotten close over the year that you have been gone, and she’s great, truly great, but to do this… to subject yourself to this all at once and so suddenly…”

I held up a hand to stop him. “What I feel for her… it made it worth it. Just the _chance_ makes it worth it.”

Steve sighed, resigning himself. I knew he wanted to argue my decision some more, but there was no point. I had done it already. “What’s Dr. Lewis’ treatment plan?”

I pulled the prescription from my pocket, handing it to him. “Therapy three times a week, and a prescription to keep me relaxed during the day and to help me sleep at night. I’ll just have to work through this, same as everything else.”

Steve took the paper from my hands. “I’ll get this filled for you,” he put it into his pocket. “But Bucky listen… if this gets to be too much… if handling it becomes too much… you let me know. You let me help you. You don’t have to carry this all alone. Remember I’m with you till the end of the line.”

Hearing those words again called forth all the other times he had said it to me and I had said it to him. I rose to my feet and embraced him. I’d always been thankful for Steve, that was one thing that had never changed.

“I know, Punk. I know.”

* * *

Iris had been right, my clothes were very unsexy. 90% of what sat in my closet were scrubs and I could not wear scrubs to the most important and long awaited date of my life. Which is why I was at the mall with Iris, the self proclaimed fashion expert, trying to find the perfect outfit. I wasn’t having much left and I had less than 3 hours till Bucky would be picking me up.

“Where is he taking you?”

I shrugged, skimming through the clothes on the rack before me. “I don’t know he didn’t say.”

“Well we have to know where he’s going to take you so you can dress appropriately,” she rolled her eyes.

“I didn’t ask Iris. Maybe he wants it to be a surprise. Maybe he’s winging it.”

She threw her hands into the air with a big huff. “Well that’s helpful.”

“Maybe I’ll just do jeans and a nice top-.”

“Umm no. You’ll do sexy and black and short,” she scoffed moving around me to another rack. “You can’t go wrong with that.”

“No. No. No. I don’t do short. Sexy and black okay, but no short.”

Arguing with Iris was pointless. The girl was stubborn and hardheaded as both our mothers said and that’s how I found myself wearing a spaghetti strapped short black dress two hours later. It hugged me tightly like a second skin, accentuating my curves, and I had to admit it did make me feel sexy. But I still didn’t like it.

“Iris, the dress is too much,” I said as she applied make up that she insisted upon, to my face. I had warned her I wanted the bare minimum. Something else she frowned at.

“Girl, stop, you look hot. I mean even I want to do you and I’m fully into men only,” she winked.

“What if we’re just going to a movie or something simple and casual?”

“You’ll be the hottest woman in there and I doubt he’ll be able to focus on the movie,” she reasoned with a shrug.

She pulled my curls from the clip they were in and arranged them around my head as she saw fit, treating me like her own personal doll until she stepped back and looked me over.

“I mean wow,” she sighed throwing her hands up again. “I am a genius.”

I chuckled. “So I take it I look good?”

“Umm, better than good. If his jaw doesn’t hit the floor then shut the door in his face because you’re a work of art and he doesn’t deserve to appreciate it.”

I blushed crimson. “Aww shucks.”

The doorbell rang sending my heart racing and I had to take a deep calming breath. I was excited, but nervous. I had been waiting for this date for so long the fact that it was actually happening left me feeling anxious and on edge. I turned to go answer the door when Iris stopped me.

“Wait. Wait. Finishing touch,” she said holding up my black leather jacket. She slipped it onto my shoulders and smiled proudly. “See now you’re a little casual. So you’re perfect. Now go get ‘em tiger.”

I went for the door as quickly as I could in the heels that Iris had forced me into, pausing before I opened the door to take another deep breath and steady myself. I unlocked the door and pulled it open seeing Bucky standing on the other side. He was in his trademark leather jacket, the one that hugged his broad shoulders just right wearing a dark blue button down beneath it and dark wash jeans with black boots on his feet.

He was looking down at said boots when I pulled the door open, his head snapping up as I did and his eyes widening at the sight of me. If his jaw could literally hit the floor it would have, because it went slack almost immediately. His eyes travelled the length of my body and back up to my face slowly, I could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. His eyes darkened when they locked onto my mine and all the sexual tension that was normally there between us intensified. It was almost too intense to ignore.

He shook his head once. “Wow, Sugar, you look…” he trailed off as his eyes surveyed me once more. He let out a slow breath, I saw his body tense. “You look amazing,” he finally finished.

A smile was on my lips and I was blushing again. I had set out to wow him. _Mission accomplished._ “Thank you, James. You clean up pretty nice yourself.”

“I don’t know, Sugar, I feel a little underdressed,” his eyes were traveling again. “I suddenly have a strong desire to stay in and keep you all to myself,” he said darkly, his eyebrows raising with the suggestion.

“James…” I breathed feeling my skin heat up. I was not entirely opposed to the idea.

“Sorry, I know you’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” He smirked and offered me his hand. “Shall we?”

* * *

I had never considered a piece of clothing dangerous, but the dress that was currently clinging to Jade's body like it had been poured onto her just might actually cause my death. I had always been a leg man, considering there wasn’t much more showed back in my time, so the fact that her long smooth legs were on display right up to above her mid thighs had my blood boiling and my hands tingling. I knew I was being pretty blatant in my viewing of her, but I couldn’t help taking her in. She was stunning and the dress and heels were just doing it for me.

I had picked an Italian restaurant near her house to take her too after a recommendation from Steve, remembering during one of talks at the motel that she had mentioned her love of pasta, and after a short walk there we found ourselves sitting opposite each other in a U shaped booth. The restaurant was dimly lit with candles on the table and soft music playing, creating a romantic atmosphere even though there was a tension between Jade and I, and not just a sexual one. I knew she was nervous, she had been quiet and almost shy during our walk, even though she let me hold her hand the entire time. I remembered her being more talkative before, always leading the conversation, but reminded myself that she hadn’t seen me in a year. I should have expected that things were going to be a little awkward.

The waiter came and took our order, brought us water and bread, and left us on our own until our food arrived. It was then that I got the courage to speak. “What’s on your mind, Sugar?”

She looked up from sipping her water, smiling timidly. “I just...well I can’t believe we’re finally having our date,” she admitted with a small laugh. “And I know its silly, given that we both know each other already and we’ve been intimate before, but I’m...nervous.”

“You aren’t the only one,” I replied. “I changed clothes five times and I don't have that many clothes. Steve ended up dressing me.” He had come into my room right before I left, frowning at the red Henley I had been wearing before demanding that I wear one of his button downs. He had tried to get me to wear a tie and I had to threaten his life to get out of there before he forced it around my neck.

She laughed again, louder this time, shaking her head. “Iris is responsible for all of this,” she motioned to herself. “She picked the dress out and the shoes and did the make up and my hair. This is definitely not me.”

I surveyed her again, like I had multiple times that night, feeling a heat in my bones when I took in her smooth shoulders and the swell of her breast above the neckline of her dress that were exposed after she had slipped her jacket from her shoulder. “It suits you,” I commented. “You look really beautiful. And that dress…”

“It’s too much?” she rubbed her hand down her side self consciously. The action sent a throb through me.

I shook my head. “No. Not at all. It...It looks incredible on you.”

She turned a deep red, the blush taking over her whole face. I loved that I had such an effect on her. “Thank you, James.”

“Will you fill me in?” I prompted wanting to keep her talking. “On everything I missed about you this year?”

Once she had a subject she started talking easily, telling me all about the year of her life that I had missed. She stuck to the good parts, mentioning her therapy sessions with Dr. Lewis offhandedly, and talking instead of her work, Iris passing the BAR exam and Iris’ relationship with Brandon, and her growing friendship with Steve. I was admittedly a little jealous to hear about all the lunches, outings, and movie nights she had shared with Steve, but was also glad that she had someone, someone connected to me to keep me alive in her. She could have easily forgotten me, could have decided I wasn't worth the trouble and moved on with her life, but she hadn’t. She had waited for me. That alone made having to deal with all of my memories returning worth it.

“And that’s pretty much it,” she finished with a shrug, taking another bite of her half eaten baked ziti. She wiped her mouth with her napkin. “My life hasn’t been that exciting since you left. My life has been pretty boring.”

 _The amount of excitement I brought into her life was enough to last a lifetime,_ I thought. “Your life doesn’t sound boring to me.”

She smiled weakly. “What was Wakanda like?”

“It was beautiful. It’s an amazing place. I had a nice cabin out in the country, quiet and peaceful, except for my goats. They’d make noise all night sometimes, but just like city noise you get used to it.”

“How many goats did you have?”

“Three to start, and then a fourth came along,” I smirked thinking back to the scary morning that I spent delivering a baby goat with the help of some fellow villagers.

“Awww,” she smiled. “Whose caring for them now?”

“Not sure. T’Challa promised to give them to a loving family. So I’m sure they’re in good hands.”

“It sounds like you miss them…”

I nodded. I did. “I do honestly. Caring for them really helped me in those months after I woke up. Gave me something to put myself into, something to care for and… love.” It felt weird saying that about goats, but it was the truth.

Her eyes dropped. “I wish I could have been there for you when you woke up.”

Those words sent a pang through my gut. I wished that too, more than I had realized until she said it. I was sorry to have missed a whole year of her life, of the chance to be with her. I reached across the table with my flesh hand and took hers, noticing the way her breath hitched in her throat and she looked at me with mild surprise. Fire raced up my arm at the skin to skin contact. I opened my mouth, but she looked at me with a quirked eyebrow and a hint of a smile on her lips.

“Don’t you dare apologize, James Buchanan Barnes,” she warned. “I told you, no more apologizing.”

I laughed, she was starting to know me well. “Okay, Sugar. No more apologies.”

“Good,” she sipped her water again and set the glass down. She squared her shoulders and sat up straighter. “So you’re going to make me ask then?”

I frowned. “Make you ask what?”

She put her elbows on the table. “About how you got your memories back?”

 _Oh. That._ I didn't want to tell her the truth of how my memories came back or the side effects of it happening. I knew she would feel guilty or blame herself. She already blamed herself for things that weren’t her fault or things that were out of her control and I didn’t want to add to that list. And I didn’t want to ruin our date.

“They just…came back…” I lied feeling my stomach twist.

She looked at me skeptically. “Out of nowhere?”

I shrugged, swallowed the lump in my throat. “Well you’ve been on my mind a lot, even before I came back, when I was in Wakanda I was dreaming of your face. And you’ve only been on my mind more since I saw you in the Doc’s office, and then Steve told me about you, and we talked and I read my journal about you-.”

“You wrote about me in your journal?” She cut in.

“Yes, I did… you were- _are_ -important to me. You’re the first person since I woke up, the first time, that has…That has made me feel anything. And after everything we’ve been through…I would have done anything to remember you. It’s the very least that I could do.”

She didn’t say anything, only stared at me for what felt eternity, her brown eyes peering right into me. For a second I thought I had said the wrong thing or said too much, that I had upset her somehow. She set down her fork and wiped her mouth with her napkin again; and then she was sliding around the curve of the booth, right next to me. I was at a loss for words when she touched my cheek, her palm smoothing across my cheek and down to wrap around the back of my neck. She pulled me down, her lips meeting mine softly at first, just for a few seconds before she was pulling back, her breathing heavy.

I gaped at her. “What was that for?”

“For you being so honest and sweet..and because I’ve missed you so damn much. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself.”

A part of me felt bad for lying to her, but it was for her own good. And it was this exact moment that I didn’t want to ruin. I took her face in my hands and pulled her back to me, our lips meeting and the kiss turning hungry quickly. I was thankful that our booth had a high back and there was no one sitting at the tables close to us, because once my mouth was on her I felt like we couldn’t separate. Everything else slipped as it had when we were in the hallway earlier and it was just the two of us, wrapped in heat and sexual tension. The kiss was desperate and breathy and her hands were in my hair and mine were on her hips, pulling her against me as much as I could. I eventually had to come up for air, pulling away from her kiss long enough to take a breath before my mouth was on her throat and she was biting her lip to keep herself quiet.

“James,” she gasped when my flesh hand travelled down from her hip to the inside of her thigh. “We…we should…” she arched into my touch when my fingers brushed against the soft material of her panties and my teeth grazed her pulse. It was then she stopped me, grabbing my wrist with one hand and pushing against my chest with the other. She was panting when she looked up at me with darkened eyes. “We can't do this here.”

She was absolutely right of course. We were at a very public restaurant. “Sorry, Sugar, I got carried away,” I reluctantly pulled my hands away, wiped at my mouth.

“Don’t be sorry,” she smirked bashfully. “Just get the check and take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeeeaaaah there’s going to be a ton of smut next chapter so prepare yourselves lol


	17. The Date pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t had much time to write for this story, but I figured I should give you guys something. So here it is. And it’s smutty. And it’s not the last chapter. My muse won’t let this damn story end. Lol

I never thought I’d be that person. The person with no self control, the person who just couldn't wait, the person that participated in embarrassing displays of public affection that bordered on downright inappropriate behavior.

But I was on this night.

Largely it was due to that fact that I had waited so long for the man pressed against me in the backseat of a cab, with his mouth hungrily kissing mine, his hands roaming me like they were was magnetized to my body. Normally, I would have told him to stop, to wait, that what we were doing in the back of the cab was rude to the driver, but his kiss was too good, the pressure of him against me was too good, his touch was too good after so long. All that easily made it hard to wait, the word wait was not in my vocabulary any longer.

I really had tried to wait, until we were back to the compound or my apartment, I really wasn't sure where we were going, I had been too distracted to hear what address Bucky had given; but his hand on my thigh, and the warmth of him at my side, and his predatory gaze had been too enticing. It was why I hadn't stopped him when he used his body to scoot mine over to the seat next to the window, behind the driver so we were not that easy to see unless he turned his head fully around, not that the driver could be bothered to care as he was having a heated debate with someone on a bluetooth headset and playing music on the radio. And once Bucky reached over and closed the little window of the plexiglass divider that separated the front and back, the driver and the music became muffled. The semi distracted driver and the closed plexiglass window was also why I hadn’t stopped Bucky when his hand slid up my thigh and his mouth came to find mine.

My back was against the cab door, my body turned to face Bucky, my legs legs resting across his lap, my thighs on his. I felt surrounded by him, his persistent kiss and his hands that seemed to be everywhere. I was breathing to heavy, my heart racing, my skin tingling with fire, and my ache growing by the second.

“I have to touch you, Sugar. I don’t think I can wait,” Bucky groaned between kisses, breathing heavily into my lips. His fingers were moving back and forth against the skin of my inner thigh creating a growing ache at my center. “Please let me touch you.”

He sounded desperate, pleading, almost as if he would die if I didn’t let him, and I grew wetter. How could I deny him? My eyes were darting to the back of the cab driver’s head, all the normal worries and fears of being caught rushing through my thoughts. But I had waited long enough, the anticipation of his touch and his pleading was too much for me to ignore, and again my reservations slipped away as they always seemed to do when it came to Bucky. I nodded earnestly giving him permission.

“Use your words,” he ordered in a gruff whisper.

_The sex god is back._

“Touch me, please,” I whispered, licking my lips.

His mouth was on mine again in seconds, tongue easing past my lips and dancing with mine. I kissed him back eagerly, feeling his hands pushing at my leather jacket until it had slipped off my shoulders, hanging at my elbows. His mouth went for my throat again, the warmth of his flesh hand back at my thigh. His elbow nudged my legs apart and his fingers brushed over the material of my thong sending a loud moan right from my throat into the air that was drowned out by the music. His fingers crept up my inner thigh at a turtle's pace.

“James,” I breathed impatiently at his ear, arching into his touch and against his mouth that was placing opened mouth kisses atop the exposed swell of my breasts. I couldn’t take his teasing, I felt like I was on fire. “Please. Please touch me.”

“I know, Sugar. I will. I’ve got you,” his fingers moving my panties aside, slipping easily between my soaked folds. I bit my lip to keep quiet as Bucky’s eyes darted to the back of the cab drivers head, not that he could hear me through the glass or over the music or his phone call. He sighed once two of his fingers pressed all the way in, right to the knuckle, my walls clenching tightly around his fingers. “Jesus, you’re tighter than before.”

_A year of celibacy will do that to you._

The moment his fingers slid into my heat I no longer cared about getting caught. I had a one track mind and it was focused on coming undone on Bucky’s fingers. I was dripping and panting and moaning, my hands gripping the leather of his jacket in one and the leather of the seat beneath me in the other. My hips were moving in time with his thrusting fingers, in small desperate circles trying to create more friction. It was too much and not enough all at once.

His teeth grazed my pulse. “That’s it,” he growled. “Cum for me, baby. Let me feel you. Need to feel you.”

I was well on my way to doing so, feeling the pleasure consume me, brewing low and right _there_ ready to implode over me. When his thumb moved up to circle my clit, once, twice, three times, I lost it, my inner walls clamping down on his fingers. I bit into my lip so hard I thought I tasted blood, trying to keep myself from letting out the howl that had crept up to my throat. Bucky moaned at the feel of my walls tightening around his fingers, his mouth finding mine again to kiss me hard while I tried to recover.

I thought that he might stop, that maybe touching me and bringing me to orgasm had quelled his desires long enough till we got behind four walls and a door in privacy; but he didn’t. It had only have amplified his desires and my want, his kiss hungrier than before, his body practically pinning me into leather beneath me and the door at my back.

“You have no idea how badly I want you right now,” he growled into my skin, his fingers pressing hard into my skin.

 _Oh I think I have an idea._ The evidence was rather large and pressing right into my thigh. _This is the slowest cab in existence_. I bit back a yelp when his teeth nipped at the skin near my collarbone. I had to stop him. If I didn’t we would both be going to jail for indecent exposure in the back of a cab.

I pushed against his chest, with enough pressure that he knew I was serious, but without knocking him off of me. He stilled immediately, pulling his upper body away from me, looking concerned.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked. “Jade, I’m sorry I got carried away-.”

I sat up straighter, putting my finger to his lips to stop him from talking. I passed a glance over my shoulder at the driver who was still on his phone call and oblivious to us.“You didn’t hurt me. But if I don’t stop you we’ll be doing something we definitely shouldn’t be doing in this cab,” I whispered leaning in close to his ear, my chest pressing into his. I felt him tense against me. I removed my finger from his closed lips and looked into his lusty blues. “And as much as I want you…” I dared to kiss him quickly before pulling back, he followed, his upper body leaning towards mine, lips parted and eyes closed. I pushed against his chest again until his back was pressed into the leather seat behind him, his eyes snapping open. He looked at me frustratedly with a scowl. I couldn’t resist smiling. “We should stop.”

He let out a long sigh, licking his lips. “You’re right. You’re right.” He carefully lifted my legs off his lap and slid across the seats until he was on the other side of the cab. I ignored the pull I felt to follow him.

The next ten minutes it took to reach the compound felt like an eternity. I had to avoid even looking at Bucky, otherwise the temptation would be too great. I was still buzzing from his kiss, his touch, the orgasm; I felt like an exposed nerve, raw and throbbing. My heart was still racing long after he had slid to the other seat. When the cab finally arrived at the compound, Bucky quickly offered the man a hand full of bills, muttering to keep the change, before taking a firm hold of my hand and pulling me out.

He walked fast, with purpose and long strides until we reached the elevator, stating to F.R.I.D.A.Y the floor and his access code. The minute the doors shut his arms were around me, pulling me against him, his mouth on mine. I vaguely was aware of movement and then my back was hitting the elevator wall with a soft thud, feeling the curve of his hand around my thigh which he drew up against his hip. His thick muscular thigh pressed into me and I shamelessly ground down on it, feeling a delicious zing shoot right up my core. I couldn’t help but repeat the action again and again, feeling a slow build of pleasure threatening to take me over, praying and wishing for the elevator to hurry the hell up.

* * *

 

Considering that the compound was a multimillion dollar construct with every bell and whistle that Tony Stark’s imaginative brain could think of, I wondered why it had such slow elevators. It felt like it had taken an eternity for the thing to go up only four floors; it taking every ounce of my strength to keep myself from ripping that tight little dress from Jades body and fucking her right up against the elevator wall. Especially when she was currently riding my thigh, well on her way to oblivion, allowing me to feel just how wet and hot her core was even through the denim encasing my leg.

I had been painfully hard for nearly half an hour already, my erection tucked uncomfortably up and into my waistband, begging and aching to be inside of her. Testosterone and adrenaline were rushing through my veins. It was getting harder and harder to resist her, knowing full well that if she hadn’t stopped me in that cab, I might have lost myself completely and tried to take her in it.

“James,” she moaned, loudly, breaking away from my kiss and sending a throb through me and right to my cock. _Jesus. This elevator needs to hurry the fuck up._ “Please… I… I…” she broke off with a strangled sound when my metal hand slid up the silky material of her dress and cupped her breast. She shivered in response, her fingers digging into my shoulder and I realized she was close, but it wasn’t enough to send her over the edge. “Please….I...I just need...”

The begging was going to be my undoing. I wanted to give her anything and everything. “I know, baby,” I kissed her again, hard until I needed air, until I had no choice but to pull away even though I didn’t want to part from the taste of her. “We’re almost there, Sugar. Almost there.”

The ding of the elevator had us breaking apart with great reluctance. I paused to take her in, her flushed skin, lips swollen from kissing, her pupils wide and blown almost taking over the bright brown, but she was as beautiful as ever. I took her free hand as her other smoothed down her dress and her curls. I hoped we could make it to my room without interruption, the common floors lights were dimmed which I took as a good sign, maybe everyone was in their room already for the night.  I stepped off the elevator, her right behind me still clutching my hand as I made a beeline for my room.

“Oh, hey guys.”

 _Shit._ It was Tony Stark’s voice and when I turned to look I was met with the sight of him lounging on the large soft sectional couch in the common area. And he wasn’t alone.

Thor was beside him already holding a large bowl of popcorn, Natasha and Clint day next to each other on the loveseat next to the sectional, Sam and Steve were sitting on the floor, backs leaning against the couch. I could see they had been scrolling through movies on the tv, Natasha holding the remote. Jade tensed nervously beside me, her back straightening, stepping closer to my side, I could see her pulling her dress down self consciously.

“Back from your date so soon?” Tony asked tauntingly, reaching into the popcorn bowl in Thor’s lap, and popping some into his mouth with a tilt of his head.

I scowled at Tony. “We ate quickly.”

“Good, you’re just in time for movie night. Hi Jade,” Tony waved at her.

“Hi…. everyone…” Jade waved timidly.

There were murmurs of greetings accompanied by a few waves.

“Lady Jade! It is good to see you again. You look well…. very well actually,” Thor commented, his blue eyes roaming Jade, a large smile on his face.

Jade blushed crimson. “Thanks…”

“Will you be joining us?” Sam asked with a knowing smile, looking pointedly right at me. _There’s that urge to punch him again._

I noticed Steve eyeing Jade with raised eyebrows. “Uh, pretty sure Bucky and Jade have better things to do than join us for movie night,” Steve piped up quickly, attempting to give us an out.

“Yeah, we do,” I spoke finally with a nod. “So if you’ll excuse us-.”

“Nonsense! They can join us for one movie, it’s a time honored tradition-.”

“We’ve done this like 5 times, Tony,” Clint rolled his eyes.

“Still a weekly tradition for those 5 times,” Tony shot Clint a glare. He looked back to Jade, patted the empty space next to him. “Jade, please, won’t you and Bucky join us?”

My blood boiled, Tony was just screwing with me like he always did with his taunts and jokes and comments and ‘nicknames’. He knew full well what I intended to do, they all did, and he was just trying to interrupt. I tried to hide my irritation from my face. I knew he was trying to get a rise out of me for whatever reason. I was not going to let him ruin this night for me. I’d leave it up to Jade.

I looked at Jade and could see the nervousness on her features. She hesitated, looking up at me with questioning eyes and arched eyebrows. I knew she waging war with her own politeness, she wouldn’t want to refuse, for fear of being rude. That was the kind of person she was. I gave a very small shake of my head, one that I hoped wasn’t too noticeable by our audience, to let her know she didn't have to say yes. The last thing I wanted to do right now was endure two hours of movie night when I could take her into my bedroom and show her just how much I wanted- no _needed-_ her in a variety of ways and multiple times. She smiled at me apologetically and I knew her response before she even said it.

“Who could pass up movie night with the Avengers?” She shrugged, looking back at Tony with a forced smile.

Tony smiled widely and triumphantly, winking at me and beckoning us over.

I was going to kill Tony Stark.


	18. Culmination to the Frustration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it folks. Here’s the end. And it’s filled with filthy smut.
> 
> You’re welcome.
> 
> Also... I apologize in advance.

I should have said ‘no, thank you’.

I should have found my ‘no’ voice as Iris is always telling me to do and politely told Tony Stark ‘no, thank you’ to his invitation and let Bucky take me into his bedroom to get my brains screwed out instead of have movie night with the Avengers.

But that damn politeness, ingrained in me a little too hard by my parents, had won out.

_Dammit._

Bucky had tried to act like my politeness hadn’t bothered him, like he had been more than happy to join his fellow Avengers for movie night if that’s what I wanted; but I knew by his tight lipped smile and his tense shoulders he was not pleased. And for some reason the vivid imagery of him punishing me for it, by a well deserved spanking perhaps, sent thrills rushing through me and a blush that he thankfully didn’t notice to my cheeks. I had never been spanked before, I had never even considered it or liked the idea, but the thought of him doing it and us having sex during or after was definitely doing it for me.

Though Tony had been patting the spot next to him, Natasha and Clint quickly hopped up and offered Bucky and I the loveseat instead. Clint took the seat beside Tony, which made the billionaire frown, and Natasha disappeared into her bedroom before returning with a large throw blanket which she handed to me.

“It can get chilly in here and we don’t want you lovebirds getting cold especially in that dress,” she winked at me with a wide smirk. I blushed crimson and wanted to sink into the floor.

Bucky took the blanket from my hands and gave Natasha a “cut it out” look. I knew it was just friendly teasing and wasn't really bothered by it. “Thank you, Natasha,” he said through clenched teeth as he spread the blanket over me.

“Just trying to be helpful,” Natasha’s smirk widened and she sat at Clint’s feet beside Steve.

It was apparently Natasha’s turn to choose and she chose some romantic comedy that I had never heard of, and that made every male groan, and movie night began.

Bucky and I sat on the love seat, his arm around me, my body pressed into his. I had slipped my jacket and heels off, curling my legs up on the couch beneath me. Once the movie started he seemed to relax a little and so did I, actually getting engrossed in the plot a little, the throw pulled up to my shoulders as I rested my head on his shoulder. He was the perfect gentleman until about thirty minutes into the movie when he was turning his head towards me, leaning over a little and whispering low so that only I could hear.

“Wouldn’t you much rather be in my bedroom having _fun_ right now?” Heat flooded me at an almost embarrassing rate at his words. I lifted my head, looking up at Bucky through my lashes to find him staring down at me with those lusty blues.

I nodded once in answer.

He leaned in closer until his lips were right at my ear, his voice a husky whisper. “Instead of watching this ridiculous movie I could be tasting you right now.”

I gasped softly at that imagery, I knew all too well how good his warm mouth on me  would feel. My heart started to race and the ache that had been steadily growing since dinner was throbbing impatiently now. _I should have said no._  I pressed my thighs together hoping to lessen the ache and moisture growing there, my eyes darted to the other Avengers who were somehow engrossed in the romantic comedy they had all been groaning about before. He couldn’t do this to me, not here, not now. We just had to make it through the movie.

“James,” I tilted my head up towards him, whispered very softly in his ear. “Don’t…” it came out in a pleading whimper, with no conviction. I had been hoping to deter him, and it was clearly unsuccessful.

“Don’t what?” His voice sounded so innocent, his hand moving to my thigh under the throw, dipping between them, resting heavily there. “Don’t tell you about how badly I want to taste you right now? Or feel you cum all around me.”

I shivered. I couldn’t help it. I had to bite my lip to keep from letting out the moan that had welled up in my throat. _God, I should have said no._ All this waiting was going to kill me. I couldn’t take it.

And suddenly I got an idea. A way out.

I groaned, loudly, almost too loudly and too fake sounding, but I knew I had to lay it on thick. I clutched at my stomach, sitting up and doubling over which made even Bucky straighten with concern on his features. Natasha paused the movie and I was suddenly surrounded by the concerned Avengers.

“Sugar, what is it?” Bucky said.

“Jade, what’s wrong?” Steve was asking.

“Somebody get her some water,” Sam ordered.

“My stomach. It hurts,” I whined. “I think maybe it was something I ate?”

A glass of water was suddenly in front of my face, held by Clint. I took it with a forced shaky hand and sipped some. I gave another fake groan, holding my stomach again, Bucky took the water from my hands and rubbed my back.

“Where does it hurt, Sugar?” His voice was all worry. Even he thought I was sick.

“What did you eat?” Natasha questioned. “You do look a little green.”

I didn’t know whether to be grateful for her observation or insulted.

“Maybe we should take her down to medical,” Tony piped up.

“No,” I said quickly in a weak voice. “I don’t want to be a bother. I just… I think I’d like to lie down for a little bit. Until I feel well enough to take a cab home.”

“Yes, you should definitely lie down,” Steve agreed with a nod.

“I’ll take her to my room,” Bucky said rising to his feet. “She can lie down for a while and then we can call her a cab in a little while.”

Bucky wrapped the throw around my shoulders before he was sweeping me into his arms wedding style as if I weighed nothing. I glanced over his shoulder as he carried me to his room, maintaining my weak facade.

“Sorry I interrupted your movie night,” I called softly.

“Don’t worry about it. There will be others. Feel better!” Tony yelled out after us. “Bucky, you let us know if she needs anything.”

“Will do, Stark,” Bucky replied as he pushed open his bedroom door and then shut it behind him.

He carried me to the bed before setting me down gently on it and turning on his bedside lamp. Once the dim light came on I recognized the room, it looked the same, though much tidier than it had been the last time I had seen it after our drunken one night stand. And beside the desk there was now a mini fridge and microwave that I hadn’t noticed before. Everything was nice and neat and I got the feeling that he had cleaned up before our date, perhaps in the hopes that he’d get me back to his room. Bucky knelt beside the bed, concern still all over his face.

“Can I get you something? More water? Maybe something for the pain?”

He was downright adorable when worried and I smiled at him. “James, I’m fine. I’m not hurting.”

He looked genuinely confused, looking back at the room door before taking me in from head to toe. “But-.”

I sat up, pushing the blanket from my shoulders. “I was faking it so we could get out of movie night.”

“You lied about being sick to get into my room?” He asked with an arched eyebrow.

I gave him my best innocent look and nodded shyly. “Yes, I did. You were saying such enticing things on the couch...I couldn't wait to get in here.” I shrugged casually.

There was a hint of a smile on his lips before they came crashing down on mine, kissing me passionately. I kissed him back with an anxious fever, tasting his tongue, gripping his shoulders to try and pull him on top of me. He resisted, stopping the kiss with a hand to my stomach. I almost whined at the loss of contact. He gazed at me for several long seconds before he was straightening his body, rising to his feet, slowly beginning to unbutton his shirt.

“You are a bad girl, Jade,” he said as he undid each button. “A very, very, _very_ bad girl. What am I going to do with you?”

There was that thrill again, rushing through me, taking me over, firing up my nerves in anticipation of his touch. My heart started to race as I leaned back watching the material of his shirt fall to the floor, revealing his muscular form to me. He was a sight to behold, every inch of him, even where the scarred flesh of his shoulder met his metal arm. The man was beautiful. And he was staring down at me with pure lust in his deep blue eyes and I felt a hint of fear creep up my spine.

 _My god we’re finally going to do this._ I briefly wondered if I would need a safe word.

I must have had a look on my face because Bucky’s face softened as he crawled over me, my legs parting on instinct to let him settle between my thighs. “Remember, Sugar, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” he whispered, brushing his nose against mine. “You say the word and I stop immediately.”

I wanted this. I had wanted this for so long and I had no intentions of stopping him or letting anything else get in our way. Including my own insecurities or apprehension.

I nodded. “Okay.”

His hand reached up and caressed my cheek as he looked into my eyes. “You trust me?”

I did, probably more than I should have. I nodded again. “I do.”

He smiled. “Good.”

He kissed me again and I felt my worries slip away. My heart raced as his mouth left mine, trailing down my throat and onward, kissing, licking, biting any exposed flesh he could see leaving me squirming beneath him. He sat back, pulling me up to a sitting position so he could unzip my dress, taking hold of each strap with his long fingers, pulling them down my shoulders before my back was on the mattress again. He slid the dress down my body, my hips raising to help him, his blue eyes following the material until it was off my body and he was tossing it off the bed. I was nearly nude, save for my panties, his eyes roaming over me as he shook his head.

“What?” I asked worriedly at his hesitance, feeling my skin heat up nervously under his gaze.

“You’re gorgeous, doll,” he sighed. “Too damn gorgeous.”

I was blushing until he kissed me again, in the same hungry fashion, but much slower than the pace that we had been at. His hands roamed my skin, kneading and appraising, and his mouth followed again, kissing its way down my throat to my chest where he paused to lavish affection on both of my nipples. I melted under his touch, feeling pleasure and impatience sweep through me. I was past the point of wanting foreplay. Between the cab and the elevator and his dirty talk on the couch I was beyond ready.

“James,” I sighed when he sucked a peaked nipple into his mouth and his tongue swept over it.

“Yes?” he answered releasing my nipple and kissing his way down the valley between my breasts.

“Can we...mmm…can we skip the foreplay? I’m ready now.”

He chuckled into my stomach, grabbing the sides of my panties, pulling them down my hips. A metal hand parted my legs wide enough to fit broad shoulders, his breath warm against my inner thigh. “Someone’s eager, huh?” He teased the inside of my thigh with his teeth and my hips jerked towards him impatiently.

“Please,” I begged. “Haven’t we waited long enough?”

“Then what’s a few more minutes?” He whispered between kisses up my thigh, alternating between the right and left. “Besides...we have to make sure...” he brushed two warm fingers over my folds, spreading the wetness he found there before slipping them into me, pushing in and pulling out, finding a torturously slow rhythm. “That your ready for me….”

“I am ready,” I gasped. I lifted my head, catching sight of him between my legs.

“Still,” he looked up at me with darkened blue eyes as he continued to work me with those long fingers. “I do believe I mentioned wanting a taste...”

 _Oh god._ My head dropped back to the pillow.

I arched off the bed when his mouth closed over me, sucking on my clit while still maintaining that torturous rhythms with his fingers. The pleasure was too damn much already, a long groan echoing from my throat through his otherwise silent room. It was then I remembered that the Avengers were still on the other side of that door having movie night and could probably definitely hear us if we were too loud.

 _Quiet Jade,_ I told myself as I bit into my lip.

The sucking turned to swirling patterns in the motion of something that felt similar to the alphabet and I felt the beginnings of a orgasm rippling through my pelvis by the time he reached G. _Jesus who taught him that?_ My thighs trembled around his head, threatening to close on him, prompting him to hold them open with his metal arm.

“Oh fuck...” I gasped in a whisper, reaching down to anchor myself to his brown locks, the ripples threatening to turn into a full blown orgasmic wave.

Bucky groaned against me, his fingers speeding up. “You taste like heaven, Sugar.”

“Oh my god,” that came out loudly, a little too loudly but I couldn’t help it. I arched off the bed again, my toes curling, free hand gripping the sheets beneath me.

He moaned into me, continuing greedily,  _J, K, L, M,_ the push and pull of his fingers. I was on that brink, the coil ready to snap, every nerve on fire. My fingers digging into his scalp and thighs trembling against his arm.

“You going to cum for me?” He asked, pressing his fingers upward and right on my spot, brushing back and forth over it repeatedly.

“Ah...God, yes, James… please,” I stuttered between gasps and moans. It was too much now, the pleasure taking over, my muscles tensing so hard I felt like I was about to shatter.  

_Q, R, S, T_

“James...James, wait…”

He grunted in a negative tone, continuing with more enthusiasm, the pressure from his metal arm increasing to hold me firmly in place as my body foolishly tried to run from the pleasure. _U, V, W._ The coil snapped at X, the wave crashing over me, pushing me right into the pleasure abyss. I managed to cover my own mouth to stifle a scream, stars bursting behind my closed eyes, my whole body trembling as the wave washed over me repeatedly. He didn’t stop even as I went limp, a satisfied moan leaving him as he lapped up the juices brought forth from his ministrations. 

I felt him kissing his way back up my body after a moment. “Still with me baby?” He asked when his kisses reached my throat.

I could hear the smile in his voice. I hadn’t managed to open my eyes yet. I still felt like I was floating on cloud nine. I forced myself to nod slowly.

“You want to stop?” He asked caressing my cheek.

 _Hell no._ I shook my head.

“Good, because I am nowhere near done with you,” he growled.

He kissed me again, his tongue sharing my own sweet taste with me. His metal hand was between my legs, dipping two fingers into my heat and pulling back out to repeat the action before easily adding a third. I cried out, arching into him, feeling my walls quake around his fingers. I knew what he was doing, he was trying to prepare me to accommodate the large denim clad erection that was currently pressed into my side. But I had other plans in mind for it, before he could put it inside of me.

Summoning up what strength I could find, I pushed against his chest, forcing him onto his back and crawling over him. He blinked at me in surprise when I straddled his thighs.

“Whatcha doing, Sugar?” He asked. His eyes widened and his breathing increased when I undid the button to his jeans and then the zipper slowly, never taking my eyes off his.

“Returning the favor you have graciously given to me multiple times already,” I leaned over him, peppering his chest with kisses, feeling the muscles tense under my lips. I reached into his jeans, and for once he didn’t stop me, allowing me to _handle_ him for the first time that I could remember.

_Holy hell._

I had felt it multiple times against me, but touching it was a whole other story. I stroked him from head to base, feeling a bit apprehensive at how thick and long he felt, but loving the way he groaned at my touch. I released him, gripping the sides of his jeans and underwear to pull them down his body, Bucky raising his hips to help and kick them off. His erection sprung free slapping against his stomach, allowing me to see him in all his glory. _Christ he’s gonna split me in half._ The vivid memory of how sore I had been after our drunken one night stand returning. But god help me I craved that soreness now.

I crawled back up the bed, taking hold of him and looking up to find him watching me intently. I hadn’t done this many times before, but the thought of doing it to Bucky after all the pleasure he had given me, turned me on more than anything.

“Sugar, you don’t have to-,” he started sensing my apprehension.

I shook my head cutting him off. “No, I want too.” I licked my lips, slowly, my mouth watering at the idea.

Bucky’s eyes darkened, his metal arm bending up to cradle his head in his hand. “Then show me,” he ordered.

Another heat wave rushed through me at those words and I took a deep breath, getting into position between his parted legs. I licked up the underside to start, the flat of my tongue going up the shaft nice and slow until I reached the tip and closed my mouth over the head. Bucky moaned loudly, his fingers gripping the black comforter beneath him, his abs tensing. I sucked the head hard, tasting precum, before sliding my mouth over as much of him as a I could without him entering my throat. I barely made it halfway. I gripped what my mouth couldn’t reach with my hand, stroking him in time with my licks and sucks, my own spit lubing his shaft, until he was gasping and groaning above me. Praises fell from his lips in a strained voice as he gripped my curls gently with one hand.

“Yes baby, just like that… god look at you, with that beautiful mouth wrapped around me… fuck, Sugar, yes.”

I had never realized how much praise turned me on until this moment, I was dripping, my inner walls throbbing and aching for him. But as much as I wanted him inside of me I wanted to make him come undone with just my mouth, to truly be the one in power. I tried to remember tips and tricks I had read in a cosmopolitan article about good blow jobs and increased my efforts, determined to taste him.

“Jade, baby, please,” he gasped, his fingers tightening in my curls. “W-Wait- wait… I’m gonna...please stop.”

I hadn't planned on stopping, I had fully intended to let him finish, but at his urging I did. I pulled off him with a wet pop, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. “Was...was I doing it wrong?” I questioned. “I haven't really done it-.”

Bucky huffed, shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “God, no, you were amazing. It was good. _Too_ good. Please come here,” he took me by the arms, pulling me back up to his body.

“Then why did you stop me?” I asked before he rolled us both, pinning me beneath him.

He smirked devilishly, warm hand sliding down my body before he was running his fingers between my folds, dipping them into my core again. “Because I want to cum right _here_.”

 _Fucking hell._ I got impatient again. I was ready for the culmination of the long standing and frustrating sexual tension between us. “I can’t take it anymore, James,” I blurted sounding far too desperate. “I need you, please.”

“I know, baby, I know. I’m gonna give you what you want,” he answered leaning over to his bedside drawer and retrieving a condom. He kissed me again before opening the packaging and sliding it on with shaky hands. He paused once the condom was in place. I could see the hesitation and doubt bright in his eyes, the sex god disappearing for a moment.

“What is it?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”

He hesitated, looking down at me, drawing in quick shaky breaths. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he admitted.

“You won’t,” I whispered taking hold of his face. “I trust you, remember?”

His jaw clenched, but he nodded, lips coming down on mine again. He gripped himself, rubbing the thick head on my clit. I shivered, looking into his eyes. The hesitation and doubt was gone.

“Tell me what you want,” he demanded. _And he’s back._

“You. I want you.” My hips lifted towards him impatiently again.

He used one hand to hold me down by my hip, reminding me of that night so long ago in the motel room. “Be still...Tell me what do you want me to do to you?” He elaborated.

I was blushing as I whispered the words. “I want you to fuck me. Please.”

He grinned. “How can I refuse you when you ask so nicely?”

He lined himself up with my entrance, pressing forward slowly. I tensed beneath him, fingers gripping the sheets beneath me, feeling the pleasurable burn of him stretching my walls inch by inch. It was just the right side of painful, feeling him fill me so deliciously. He let out a long sigh when he bottomed out, freezing above me, giving me time to adjust. I had to take some deep breaths to steady myself, feeling almost overwhelmingly full, the pleasure and pain mixing. I moved my hips in the tiniest roll, feeling a zing of pleasure and pain rush through me that had me gasping. I stilled immediately.

“You okay?” He asked in a strained voice.

My lip was caught between my teeth. I nodded.

“Tell me, Sugar, use your words,” he ordered.

“I-I’m f-fine,” I shuddered and felt another zing, this one more pleasurable than painful. “Move, please.”

He drew back carefully and pressed forward again with the same slowness, our moans mingling in the air. The pain disappeared on the second thrust, the pleasure taking over when he found a slow sure rhythm of long deep strokes. My legs came up around his hips on instinct allowing him to go deeper, causing him to brush over just the right spot in me that had me gasping his name loudly. I could tell he was holding back, forcing himself to keep the motions slow and easy, his eyes shut tight, teeth clenched. But that wasn’t what I wanted. I felt so full already, but it still wasn’t enough.

“James… please… more… faster… I need it,” I pleaded in a whimper, raising my hips to meet his next thrust and crying out when I felt him hit my cervix.

“Fuck, baby, I don’t want to hurt you,” he reminded me.

“You…god...you won’t,” I struggled to get the words out. “Please, harder.”

His blue eyes caught mine. “Yeah? Is that what you really want? Want me to fuck you harder?” He accented that question with a harder faster thrust, one that had my eyes rolling and my back arching.

“Ah! Yes, please, harder,” I begged.

He gripped my leg, hooking it over the bend of his arm effectively raising my hips before he obliged my request, going faster and harder. I came without warning, the orgasm hitting me hard out of nowhere like a tidal wave. I cried out, the sound echoing in the room and was surely heard by the Avengers on the other side of the door, but I didn’t care. My walls clamped down around him, my body shuddering and curses falling from my lips as I rode out the waves of the orgasm. Bucky moaned in response, kissing me and stifling my cries and curses, never stopping the thrust of his hips.

I was already close again, the first orgasm never seeming to die down. Bucky sat back on his ankles, still thrusting, using my hooked leg to pull my body to meet each of his thrusts, the wet sounds of our bodies meeting filling the air. I felt tears welling into my eyes, my fingers desperately gripping the comforter, my legs trembling as I felt the second orgasm creeping up and threatening to take me over.

“Holy fuck,” the words came out in a scream as I came a second time, my back arching all the way off the bed.

“Fuck yes, cum Jade,” Bucky growled down at me. “I’m so close, Sugar.”

There was no time to recover before he was licking his metal thumb, reaching between us to rub the pad over my swollen and sensitive clit. I was pushed right over the edge again, tears falling from eyes, more praises and curses falling from lips between desperate gasps of trying to catch my breath. Bucky’s smooth rhythm finally faltered, his body leaning over mine to capture my mouth with his, he gave two more shuddering thrusts before he was tensing above me pulling his mouth from mine to let out my name in a loud strangled moan.

His weight fell on me, his face in the crook of my neck, though he managed to catch some of it on his hands, not entirely crushing me. I laid beneath him, feeling drowsy and spent. I felt his lips at my throat, kissing softly, moving steadily upward until he was pecking my lips.

“You okay?” He asked.

I felt like I could slip into the best sleep of my life. I managed one delirious nod.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered. “Don’t you move.”

I was sure that wasn’t possible even if I tried. My body was effectively jelly with some bones. And I had no control of the bones currently. I hadn’t even managed to open my eyes yet. His weight left me and I could hear the sound of his footsteps walking away.

I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I knew he was moving me. I blinked my heavy eyelids open sleepily, seeing that he cleaned me up and put one of his shirts, that red Henley I loved so much, on me. He was in his boxers, lifting me into his arms so he could place me under the covers. I let him, coming to rest against him, my head on his bare chest, snuggled beneath his heavy comforter. His bed was really comfortable, he just needed more pillows.

“Hey, Sugar,” he whispered, noticing I was barely awake. “I cleaned you up and put a shirt on you, I hope you don’t mind.”

I could have laughed after what we just did how could I be mad at him putting a shirt on me.

“I got some water here if you’re thirsty,” he continued.

I shook my head. My throat was a little dry, but I had no energy to drink right now. I was ready to go right back to sleep in his warm embrace.

“You okay?” He asked again worriedly, kissing my temple, his fingers caressing across my cheek.

“M’fine,” I mumbled, snuggling into him further. “M’sleepy.”

I felt him chuckle and his lips brushed my forehead, his arm tightening around me. “You’re amazing. I’m so glad I met you, Jade,” he whispered.

I smiled against his chest. “I’m glad I met you too, James.”

He gave me a gentle squeeze, wrapping me further into his warmth. It all felt too right, like the perfect culmination of everything that we had been through. We were finally together. I sighed contentedly.

Then I was drifting off into blissful darkness.

* * *

I didn’t know what happened.

The last thing I remembered was having amazing sex and falling asleep with woman I was falling for, and falling hard, safely in my arms. It had been a perfect night. It felt like the start of something meant to be.

And then I was on the floor of my bedroom, on my knees covered in sweat, blinking up at Steve who was scowling worriedly down at me. I felt like I was coming out of a fog, though the adrenaline was coursing through me and my heart was racing. My jaw was throbbing with pain and I reached up with a numb hand to touch it.

“Bucky?” Steve said cautiously. “That you?”

I blinked at him. _Who the hell else would it be?_

“Wha… what happened?” I breathed.

Then I heard it, the sound of sobbing, my eyes darting behind me to see Jade on the floor, her back against the wall with Natasha and Tony at her side. She was clutching her throat, tears streaming down her face, her eyes full of fear. I felt my stomach sink. _Oh god._ When she caught sight of me, her face fell and she looked away, mumbling something I couldn’t catch to Tony and Natasha.

“We’re going to take her down to medical,” Tony said, rising to his feet and helping Jade to hers. His arm wrapped around her, drawing her in, shielding her from my sight as he moved to her to the door.

“Jade? W-What happened? Wait-,” I stuttered, rising to my feet and trying to follow.

Steven raised his hands and stepped in my path, blocking me from Jade. I frowned at him. “Bucky, wait,” he said softly.

I looked past him, seeing Natasha and Tony leading her away from the rooms. It was then I noticed Sam, Clint, and Thor at the door. None of them looked pleased. I knew instantly I had done something. I had hurt her. I had hurt Jade. Steve walked to my bedroom door and shut it.

“What did I do?” I sighed looking at Steve, whose face had softened.

“It wasn't you, alright? You had a night terror,” Steve turned back to me quickly. “Let’s just sit down and take a deep breath.”

That was typical Steve. Trying to protect me. Trying to lessen what I had done. Not this time.“WHAT DID I DO?” I shouted grabbing his arm. “Tell me now!”

Steve sighed. “We don’t know exactly what happened alright? I just woke up to the sound of Jade screaming. And by the time I made it in here you had her on the bed and you were choking her. I tried to stop you, we fought a little until I hit you, hard. And you went down and snapped out of it,” he explained putting his hands on his hips.

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed running a hand through my hair. “I almost killed her.”

“Did you warn her, Buck? About what you did with Dr. Lewis? About the potential for your nightmares?” Steve asked.

I shook my head, slowly. “No, I...I didn't want to tell her and...we were having such a good night...I didn't want to...to ruin it.”

Steve rubbed his temples. “Christ, Bucky. You didn't tell her? When you knew she’d be spending the night-.”

“I forgot okay? I completely forgot, because when I’m with her I don't think about all the bad shit thats ever happened to me. I was feeling great. I was...happy so I forgot and for once I felt _normal_ and I just fell asleep next to the woman I care about not thinking about the fact that I should warn her I might freak out and attempt to kill her in my sleep.”

Steve’s face fell. “Bucky-.”

“I fucked up. And she is going to hate me now.”

“Bucky-.”

“I need to go talk to her.”

I brushed past him, grabbing my jeans from the floor and pulling them on. I grabbed a t shirt from my closet and pulled it on, not caring about my lack of shoes as I rushed out of my room to the elevator, feeling Steve follow me. Steve was unusually quiet while we rode the elevator down, my heart continuing to race until we reached the floor with the medical wing. The medical wing was usually empty at this time of night, save for the one on call doctor and two nurses Tony employed to make sure there was round the clock medical care available in case of emergency.

I found Jade in an exam room with Tony and Natasha, sitting on an exam bed, while Natasha rubbed her back and Tony stood guard near the door. Tony blocked my path the moment I opened the door. I felt my teeth clench.

“Easy there Manchurian Candidate,” Tony put a hand on my chest.

My fists clenched, but it was Steve who spoke, coming to a stop next to me. “Tony,” it was just one word but it sounded like a warning.

“Jade doesn’t want to see you right now, and given that I just walked in not even ten minutes ago and saw you choking her out I know why,” Tony said in a hushed tone.

My blood boiled. “Stark, remove your hand from my body or I will remove it for you.”

Tony opened his mouth, but it was Jade’s voice I heard. “Please, stop.” Her voice sounded small. Hoarse. “It’s fine… I want….” she cleared her throat. “Can I speak to James alone, please?”

Tony frowned, looking at Jade who was wiping at her eyes and sitting up straighter. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

My fists clenched tighter and Steve put a hand on my shoulder, it was honestly the only thing that stopped me from punching his lights out.

“It’s fine, Mr. Stark,” Jade said. “Please.”

There was a tense silence before Tony and Natasha were walking out, not before letting Jade know they’d be right outside. Steve was the last one out, shutting the door behind him. I turned back to Jade, finding her brown eyes on me. I stepped toward her and she flinched, visibly, drawing her arms up to hug herself. My stomach twisted into a knot.

“Jade,” I breathed. “Sugar, I’m so sorry. You know I’d never-.”

“You lied.” She cut me off. Her tone soft, but I could detect the anger and the sadness.

I hesitated. “What?”

“You said your memories just came back. Spontaneously. Because you couldn’t stop thinking about me. Tony told me that you went to Dr. Lewis and had him hypnotize you to get them back. And they all came back, including your memories from… before.”

 _Oh._ “Jade-.”

“Why didn’t you tell me the truth when I asked you? Why wouldn’t you tell me that you did that to yourself? What you were dealing with? Especially if you did it because of me?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our night. I didn’t want you to feel bad about a decision I made. I just… I…,” I sighed trailing off. I took another step towards her. She didn’t flinch this time, but she wouldn’t look at me.

She took a deep breath, shaking her head. “I can deal with a lot, James. I can deal with who you are. I can deal with you being a hundred years old. I can deal with your past. I can deal with the crazy Dimitri thing. I can deal with the superhero thing. I could have even dealt with your night terrors with some warning. But what I cannot deal with is _lying_.” She looked at me finally, one tear escaping her eye that she wiped away quickly. “You asked me if I trusted you and I said yes and the whole time you were lying, putting not only yourself, but also me in danger from _you_. The last person I would ever want to-.” She stopped short and shook her head again.

The knot in my stomach twisted tighter. “Jade, I’m sorry. I just didn’t-.”

“You lied. You looked me right in the face and lied,” more tears that she wiped away and then she was sliding off the exam table. “You could have told me the truth. I think after everything that we have been through together I’m owed that. But you didn’t.”

She moved for the door and I grabbed her arm, carefully, just to stop her. She tensed, but didn't wrench away, one of her hands on the door knob. Up close I could see the marks to her throat, the red idents of my hands on her skin. I knew they would bruise, they would last for days and she’d have a constant reminder of her that I had lied to her, that I had been dishonest.

“Jade, please, I’m so sorry,” I stepped closer to her. “I made a mistake.”

She shook her head and wiped at her eyes some more. “I know you did. And I really wish you hadn’t.”

She pulled her arm from my grasp and pulled open the door, walking through before slamming it shut behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides*


	19. Bonus Chapter: When Bucky Met Jade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Bucky and Jade Met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi... it’s me... still here... still sorry...
> 
> I’m hoping to make amends by giving you guys this little bonus chapter on the wild night that lead up to Bucky and Jade meeting and the one night stand. It’s nice and long and of course has smut cause I have no shame apparently. 
> 
> Please accept this chapter and forgive me for how I ended the story lol

The club was loud.

Too damn loud.

And there were people everywhere.

I was suddenly questioning why I had decided to come out again. It was probably to get away from Steve and his hovering, Stark’s generally annoying face, and to just escape the damn compound that was beginning to feel like a damn prison. I never hung out with Thor. I could count on one hand how many times we’d interacted outside of a mission, but for some reason when he had asked who wanted to join him I had raised my hand while everyone else avoided his gaze. There had been multiple blinks of surprise, a few arched eyebrows, and Steve had said ‘ _really Buck?’,_ which had only made me want to go all the more.

And here I stood, leaning against the bar, on my 7th beer, which was having zero effect, and wishing like hell I was back in my room reading. Thor, on the other hand, was having a great time, wearing that huge and too wide smile, surrounded by women and completely oblivious to the fact that I was not having a good time.

After he had gotten us into the club for free on just his name alone, he was swarmed almost immediately, nearly forgetting my presence as I made a beeline for the bar and he stopped to take photos and sign autographs and be that giant enthusiastically happy god that the people had come to know and love.The crowd had dispersed some, but there was still three ladies that were glued to his side, listening to him regal them with tails of his home realm and his brother. They were hanging on his every word.

 _Christ, I wish I could get drunk,_ I thought bitterly taking the last swig of my beer before motioning for another from the bartender. Perhaps if I drank fast enough my body wouldn't be able to process it quick enough and I could at least get a buzz.

I got my eighth beer and took a long drink, turning around and leaning my back against the bar to do some people watching when Thor approached, the girls on his tail.

“Ah, Sergeant Barnes, my friend,” he called loudly over the music. I arched an eyebrow at him. _Friend?_ He could use that term very loosely. “Are you well? Need another drink, perhaps? These are my new friends,” he motioned to the women standing not too far behind him. “Norns, I can't for the life of me remember their names,” he shrugged chuckling to himself. I didn't care anyway. “I have offered to buy them drinks. Can I get you another?”

“Do you even have money?” I asked.

Thor shrugged again. “I never have to pay for anything. So I suppose I am not really buying them drinks then…” he laughed.

 _Of course he doesn't pay for anything._ I rolled my eyes. “Alcohol doesn't have any effect on me. I am basically drinking it for the taste,” I held up the beer. But that wasn’t going to stop me from drinking for even a little bit.

Thor frowned. “No effect, eh? Perhaps something stronger then?” He reached into his coat pocket and withdrew a circular flask. He seemed hesitant to offer it to me. “This is brewed for Gods though and may be too much for a mere mortal man.”

I scoffed. “I am no mere mortal man. I am a super soldier. I can handle some Asgardian alcohol. Give me that thing.”

I snatched it from his hands and twisted off the top. “Sergeant Barnes, I must warn you the side effects for mortals can be quite intense-.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said taking a drink.

It was like drinking hot sauce. I managed one swallow before I was coughing and sputtering. “Jesus Christ...what the hell is in this…” I managed between coughs.

Thor's large hand clapped me on the shoulder. “Ah so many wonderful things from my home realm,” he sighed and I admittedly was momentarily frightened about what I had just drank. “Worry not my friend. You’ll be feeling most happy in moments. The good thing about Asgardian brew is that it only gives you a warm fuzzy feeling, doesn’t leave you too drunk… but tomorrow you’ll wake up with the worst hangover of your life and probably not remember a thing about tonight.”

_Great, just what I need._

It felt like my stomach was on fire, but I dared another swig of it. If it could possibly make me drunk and allow me to forget my life even for a few moments I would deal with it. Besides my accelerated healing thanks to the supers serum would deal with any hangover. Coughing and sputtering it down, I put the lid back on the flask and washed the taste from my mouth with another drink of beer. Thor smiled proudly at me.

“I am impressed Sergeant Barnes,” he gave my shoulder a squeeze. “You drink like a true Asgardian.”

“Bucky. You can call me ‘Bucky’, Thor,” we may have not been actual friends, but the Sergeant Barnes stuff was getting old.

A slim hand touched Thor’s arm. It was one of the girls, demanding his attention which Thor happily and obliviously obliged, leaving me alone again. Something I was thankful for. He had left the flask and I was about to test just how much Asgardian alcohol a super soldier could drink before passing out.

Something bumped into my back and I felt the cold splash of a beverage saturate my shirt. My teeth clenched in irritation, my eyes rolling, turning to see just who the hell had made the mistake of bumping into me.

“Hey, watch it-.”

The words died in my throat at the sight of the woman standing before me. Her bright brown eyes met mine nervously, an apologetic smile on her stunningly beautiful face. My heart skipped a beat, my eyes traveling the length of her body, taking in her honeyed skin, her curves, the dark mane of curls around her head. The irritation drained from me and was replaced with a feeling of warmth. I swallowed, my throat felt dry.

“I...I...god, I am so sorry. This guy bumped into me, the asshole didnt even stop or say sorry, and I tripped over these stupid heels,” she motioned down to the black strappy heels on her feet. “And I almost fell and my drink…” she held up her now empty cup. “I am so sorry. I will pay for your shirt to be dry cleaned.”

“I-It’s fine,” _did I just stutter?_ I cleared my throat and tried again. “It’s fine. Who bumped into you?”

She blinked in surprise at my question, her face scrunching in confusion. It was adorable. “Um…” she looked over her shoulder, eyes scanning the room a little until she noticed the culprit, standing nearby. “There he is.”

To my surprise she marched the few steps it took to reach the man and tapped him on the shoulder, which caused the man to turn and look at her.

“Excuse me, you just bumped into me and made me spill my drink all over this poor guy,” she pointed at me without even looking at me. I wasn’t sure what she was hoping to gain from the guy, but whatever it was I knew she wouldn't get it. He looked down at her irritably.

“Sounds like a personal problem,” he shrugged.

Her face fell and she huffed. “Wow, you’re a real asshole.”

I felt a smile touch my lips. I liked her already. 

The guy on the other hand did not look pleased. “What did you call me?”

He stepped toward her in a manner that I deemed threatening and had my fists clenching. “Hey!” I yelled, moving to stand next to her. “You bumped into the lady and spilled her drink, the least you could do is apologize. And if you can’t do that, realize you're an asshole, just like she said, and walk away.”

Tough guy turned to me, his eyes widening a bit, sweeping me from head to toe, sizing me up. I was at least two inches taller than him and far more muscular, not to mention I knew about ten different ways to kill him in about ten seconds and my metal arm could crush his windpipe with barely any effort, not that he knew that. But I knew I looked pretty intimidating, Steve was always telling me to ‘look more friendly’.

“Sorry,” he grumbled. He turned and walked away before I could tell him to make it sound like he meant it, which I was partially thankful for. If I got into a fight Steve would lose his shit and feel the need to chaperone all my outings.

The woman turned back to me, looking mildly surprised and relieved. “Thanks, that guy was a real piece of work. Again, I am sorry and I will pay for the shirt-.”

“Don’t worry about it, Doll,” I sighed, cutting her off. Her cheeks reddened at the nickname. “It happens.”

“Well, please can I… let me buy you a drink?” She asked hesitantly.

It was my turn to blink at her in surprise, my face falling. “Uh…” It’d been a long time since I had done this. And while I had once been quite the ladies man, charming and if I dared to say ‘dashing’, that Bucky was long gone.

“I’m sorry. Of course you don't want me to buy you a drink. I ruined your night and your shirt and I’m sure a good looking guy like you has a girlfriend-,” she broke off, turning redder and shaking her head. “I’m sorry again-.” She turned to go.

“Wait!” I said loudly, a little too loudly, stopping her. She turned back to me with an expectant look. I cleared my throat again. I could do this. Steve was always telling me to put myself out there. “No, you didn't ruin my night and no, I don't have a girlfriend. I would...I would love it if you bought me a drink.”

She smiled. “Okay…”

She lead the way back to the bar and I followed, the bartender taking our orders, another beer for me and a martini for her. We wanted for our drinks in awkward silence, smiling timidly and avoiding each other’s gaze. Our drinks were set on the bar and she sipped her martini, finally finding her voice again.

“I’m Jade.” She extended a small hand.

“Bucky,” I answered taking it. Her skin was warm and smooth and soft, tingles erupted across my palm.

She made a disapproving face, just for the briefest of seconds. “Bucky huh? Is that a nickname?”

“Yeah, my real name is James.”

“I like James better than Bucky.”

“Oh do you?” I smirked.

“It’s way more rugged and sophisticated than ‘Bucky’,” she replied taking another sip of her martini and looking up at me through her lashes.

I huffed a laugh. “I seem like a rugged and sophisticated guy to you?”

She tilted her head, giving me a good appraisal. I’m almost embarrassed at the heat I felt under her gaze, the accompanying throb I felt in my dick didn’t help.

“Sure,” she answered finally, a little bashfully. “Rugged for sure. Sophisticated? We’ll have to see.” She blushed crimson at her own words, looking down at her martini that she was spinning slowly.

 _She’s flirting with me._ It dawned on me suddenly when it should have been blatantly obvious. _Jesus I’m that rusty._ And with the realization came a new sense of nervousness. _Okay Bucky, you got this. You used to be suave. You used to pull girls with just a smile. You can do this._

* * *

He was sex on legs. That’s what Iris would call him for sure. And if she had spotted him first she would have been all over him in an instant. Neck length dark hair. Stunning blue eyes. Ruggedly good looks. Square stubble lined jaw. A red henley that showed the broad expanse of his shoulders and muscular chest, and a pretty nice ass that his jeans clung to like they’d been made just for him, to go along with it.

Point being: The man was fine.

And I was not equipped to handle this situation as a 27 year old woman, who had just recently been cheated on and dumped by the man I had been with for the past 5 years and thought I was going to be spending the rest of my life with. I hadn't wanted to go out, but Iris had insisted of course. She had said she was tired of me spending all my time working and moping and that I needed to get back out there. She had been annoyingly right and persistent, which is how I found myself out with her when I’d much rather be at home in my pajamas, watching Netflix, eating ice cream and having random bouts of crying.

I had only offered to buy him a drink because I had spilled my drink on him and he had saved me from the asshole bumper who I confronted; it was not because he was fine as hell and made my heart race a little. I didn't feel ready for a relationship or casual sex in the slightest...well maybe the casual sex...but nothing more than that.

Or so I told myself.

In the midst of our talking, all of which I was doing, because I was tipsy and nervous, he put his hands on the bar and I noticed one was definitely shiny and not flesh at all. “Holy cow you have a metal hand?” I blurted in disbelief, instantly regretting it when I saw his features drop and a redness touch his cheeks. “T-That’s so cool,” I added hurriedly, hoping that would lessen his embarrassment. It really was pretty cool.

He blinked, gaping at me for a few seconds before he recovered and a smile spread across his face. “Yeah, I uh, I have a whole metal arm actually,” he pulled up the sleeve of his Henley to his elbow revealing his metal forearm.

“Wow...I...that’s awesome,” I said eyeing the metal limb as he held up his hand and wiggled his fingers a bit. “Can...Can I touch it?”

He blinked again, hesitating before nodding once and holding his hand out to me. I tentatively took hold of it, noticing the way he tensed when my hands smoothed over the metal. The metal limb must not have been touched often.

“Can you feel anything?”

“Mainly just pressure,” he answered with a shrug.

“Oh…either way that’s pretty cool,” I circled his palm once more before withdrawing my hand. I briefly thought to ask him how he lost it, but thought better of it.

He closed his hand into a fist and put it back on the bar, the smile still on his face. “So you here alone?”

“Oh, no, of course not, I’m with my best friend, Iris, but she’s a bit preoccupied with her… friend.”

I looked across the club, pointing to Iris and Brandon sitting on one of the fancy backless couches, mouths firmly attached to each other in a heavy make out. It was why I was at the bar instead of sitting with them in the first place, being the third wheel to an overly affectionate couple was never that much fun. They hadn’t bothered to stop kissing when I had excused myself to go get the third drink that I really didn’t need.

Bucky’s eyebrows went up when he noticed who I was pointing at. “Oh. They’re...definitely in love.”

I huffed. “Yeah. More like in lust. I didn’t want to sit and watch their live porn.”

He frowned in confusion. “Live porn?”

I laughed softly. “Yeah...porn...you know…”

He remained silent. One curious eyebrow arched.

I gaped at him. “You don’t know what _porn_ is?”

He shrugged.

“How the hell do you not know what porn is?” I laughed. “How old are you?”

He shifted uncomfortably. “Well-.”

“Sergeant Barnes! Making friends are we?”

I jumped at the booming voice, turning to find none other than the Mighty Thor himself approaching behind me. He was grinning, wide and large, coming to stand at Bucky’s side and clapping him on the shoulder. Bucky’s eyes rolled and he looked thoroughly irritated. I, on the other hand, felt star struck. A freaking Avenger, a god at that, stood before my very eyes and he seemed to be friends with the hot stranger.

“And who is this?” Thor questioned looking between me and Bucky and back.

“This is Jade,” Bucky answered, sounding less than enthused. “Jade, Thor, Thor, Jade.”

Thor extended a large hand and I offered mine, he took it and brought it up to his lips, watching me as he pressed a kiss to it. I felt myself blushing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Bucky frown.

“Lady Jade, how nice to meet you, and can I just say you look exquisite,” he complimented. 

I’m certain my blush increased and Bucky’s frown deepened. I looked down at my black pencil skirt and my burgundy v-neck blouse that accompanied it, I hadn't thought I looked that great, but who was I to argue with a god?

“Thank you, Thor, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m a big fan,” I answered, pulling my hand away from him.

“Are you? Well, if you think I am mighty, then you will love my good friend Sergeant Barnes,” he said clapping the man on the shoulder again and giving him a little shake. Bucky’s frown turned to a scowl with a matching glare. I smirked in amusement. “It is so good to see him out and talking to such nice and _beautiful_ midgardians.”

Bucky bristled and straightened his tense shoulders. “Thor, didn’t you have some other friends you were entertaining?” He asked through clenched teeth.

Thor turned a confused expression on Bucky, shaking his head. “You are the only friend accompanying me this evening Ser-.”

Bucky cleared his throat loudly and gave a pointed look over my shoulder. “I meant your lady friends. Over there. Don't you need to go back over _there_?”

Thor didn't seem to be catching on to the fact that Bucky wanted nothing more than for him to go away and I was thoroughly enjoying this interaction. After a few quiet and, if I am being honest, awkward seconds, it dawned on him. “Oh. OH. Oh. Right. My lady friends. I most definitely should return to their company and leave you two to it,” Thor said smiling. “I will, uh, be over there if I am needed.”

“You won’t be.” Bucks glare intensified.

Thor’s smile grew, apparently he was oblivious to Bucky's disdain for him. He turned back to me. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Milady.”

He bowed his head to me and nodded at Bucky, who was still glaring daggers at him, and walked off. Bucky visibly relaxed. “Sorry about that, he’s-.”

“He’s sweet. Like a giant blonde puppy. I can’t believe you know an Avenger.”

He chuckled. “If you think that’s cool, you should hear who my best friend is.”

“Who is your best friend?”

“Steve Rogers.”

“ _Captain America_? Your best friend is Captain America?”

Bucky nodded, sipping his beer.

“Oh my god, you’re kidding?”

He shook his head. “Nope.”

“If I told Iris’ nephews that they would freak. They _love_ Captain America. Do you think you could get his autograph for them? It would score me major auntie points with them. I’d be like the coolest person to them, second to Captain America of course.”

Bucky chuckled. “Yeah, I think I could ask him that for you...would that score me major points with you…?” His voice had dropped a few octaves.

My heart skipped a beat. “Yes...definitely…”

He smiled again and it brightened his handsome face, softening his rugged features. “Good…”

Silence fell over us and I suddenly found it hard to look at him as my blush took me over. I lifted my martini to my lips and drank, my eyes sweeping the room when they landed on the last person in the world that I wanted to see right now. My stomach dropped and so did my face as I watched my ex-fiance, Patrick, walk into the club, the very ex fiance who had dumped me less than two weeks ago after I had found out that he was cheating. And he had a girl on his arm already.

I promptly choked on my drink.

“Whoa, you alright?” Bucky asked as I sputtered and coughed, trying to catch my breath. He set his beer down and offered me a napkin, touching my back with the warmth of his flesh hand.

“Y-Yeah,” I took the napkin and wiped at my mouth quickly, setting my martini down and looking back towards the entrance to the club. Of course, Patrick and arm candy were making a beeline right for the bar, meaning us. He was going to see me.

Panic quickly set in. I hadn't expected to see him so soon, and not at a club of all places, and definitely not with a woman on his arm, although as a lying cheating asshole I shouldn’t be surprised. When he did see me again, I was supposed to be at my peak hotness, I was currently at 6-7 on scale of 10, if that, and I was supposed to be in a happy committed relationship, and I was not supposed to still be crying over his jerkface, which I had just done yesterday.

It was that moment I got an irrational idea.

“Bucky, I am about to do something completely irrational and I hope that it doesn't offend you and that you can forgive me for using you,” I said hurriedly.

He blinked in confusion. “What?”

I grabbed him by the metal arm and yanked him towards me, my other hand reaching up and grabbing him by the neck to pull him down to meet me. I rose on tip toe, my lips finding his and my body pressing into him. I felt him tense against me and for three long seconds he didn’t move. And then one arm was wrapping around my waist, drawing me in, his other hand coming up to touch my cheek and his lips parted, his tongue entering my mouth and sliding right over mine.

And I promptly forgot just what the hell my idea had been along with my own name.

* * *

I couldn’t remember the last time I had kissed a girl. But I still knew that none of the other kisses that I had experienced compared to this. I had barely understood what she had said before she grabbed my arm and yanked me against her, her hand wrapping around my neck to force me downward before she was kissing me.

The moment her lips met mine the reason that she had kissed me so suddenly didn't matter because I was flooded with fire and my heart started to pound in chest. My arm came around her, pulling her closer until her breasts were pushed right against my chest and my rapidly growing erection was pressed against her stomach. Her lips parted the moment my tongue darted out, granting me access, her tongue on mine. She tasted like her martini and chocolate, and it made my taste buds come alive. The kiss quickly turned hungry, her hands sliding to my chest and fisting around the material of my shirt as my mouth greedily explored hers. She moaned loudly and it intensified the fire within me, sending a throb right down to my pants.

I had been attracted to her before, but this had only made things worse and all I could think about was taking her back to the compound and having my way with her.

Someone said her name. It was a male voice, full of surprise and a hint of anger.

“Jade?”

I pulled away from her kiss slowly, reluctantly, my lips still tingling and my eyes opening lazily to find her still standing pressed against me, lips puckered and eyes closed. Her hands still clutched my shirt as though she hadn’t realized the kiss had ended.

I turned irritably to see a man standing beside us, his face a mask of confusion and surprise. I detected a hint of jealousy in his stare when his eyes turned on me and he looked me up and down. He was about an inch shorter than me, decent looking guy with short dark hair and green eyes. There was a girl on his arm, a short blonde and she looked confused and impatient. I looked back to Jade to find her eyes opening slowly, locking with mine, her lips parting as she sucked in a shaky breath.

“Jade?” The man repeated.

She blinked like she was coming out of a daze and her head snapped to the side. She released my shirt as my hands slipped from her waist and she turned to him. “Patrick.” She said, her tone was short. I got the distinct feeling he wasn't a friend.

Patrick put a smile on his face. “It’s good to see you.”

“I don't feel the same,” she answered with a tight lipped smile, crossing her arms over her chest. I could feel the anger coming off of her in waves.

Patrick frowned. “Who’s uh...who is this guy?” He was looking me up and down again.

She hesitated, looking at me nervously and her mouth opening. “Umm…”

In an instant the situation became clear. He was an ex. That was easy enough to pick up on, it also made sense why she had apologized before kissing me and for ‘using’ me. They obviously hadn’t ended on good terms and she was using me to show off to him. I surprisingly wasn't mad. I’d play along if it meant getting a rise out of this guy. A guy that had clearly hurt her.

I wrapped my metal arm around her waist and extended a hand toward him. “James. I’m Jade’s boyfriend.”

Both Jade and Patrick blinked, both looking at me with slack jaws. He took my hand carefully, I gripped it firmly and shook it, giving it a good squeeze. I saw his face contort in a wince. I smirked.

“Patrick,” he introduced slowly. “Uh...when did this start?” He motioned between Jade and I.

“That’s none of your business,” Jade snapped. “If you’ll excuse us, we’d like to get back our night.”

Patrick frowned and opened his mouth, but I stopped him before he could get a word out. “You heard her, pal. Best to just move on.”

He looked as though he wanted to say more, but after giving me another long look thought against it. He instead turned and dragged his confused date along, who I could hear whine about the fact that Patrick hadn’t bothered to introduce her. Jade waited until he was well out of sight and ear shot before she was turning to me already looking embarrassed and apologetic.

“Bucky, I am so sorry I used you like that I don’t even know what I was thinking or what came over me. It was the dumbest idea,” she said shaking her head and covering her face with her hands. “I am so embarrassed. I’m really not that kind of person, I’m just a little intoxicated and he’s the worst guy and-.”

I chuckled touching her shoulder. “It’s fine, Doll. Really. I’ve been used worse ways...trust me.” _That was an understatement._ “I’m not mad.” _And that kiss definitely made it worth it._ I adjusted myself discreetly.

She looked up at me hesitantly. “You aren’t mad?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m not...but if you're really torn up about it...you can buy me another drink.”

She smiled brightly. “Sure. I can manage that.”

She ordered more drinks and then more and some more again. I drinked from Thor’s flask in between my own drinks, soon feeling a warm and fuzzy feeling that I hadn’t felt in far too long though I wasn’t sure if it was from the liquor or from Jade’s company. She asked for a drink from the flask and though I warned her against it, she insisted. I made her take the tiniest of sips, barely enough to wet her lips and she still coughed and sputtered and choked, asking me just what the hell was in that flask.

I was having _fun,_ real genuine fun, not the kind that Steve and sometimes Sam had been trying to get me to have since I had woken up, not the forced kind. The genuine kind with a pretty girl, who couldn’t stop blushing every time I complimented her or flirted, whose laugh sounded like music to my ears, and set a fire in my belly. There was that annoying part of me who had flared up, the part that warned me to not get attached, the part that thought about what Hydra would do to her if I fell for her or if they found about her, the part that told me to walk away. But I ignored it. I wanted this even for just a little while, even if just for one night. Especially after that kiss. A kiss that had left a thick tension between us that was hard to ignore.

“Do you want to get out of here?” Jade asked me suddenly, her voice apprehensive and timid , looking up at me with those bright brown eyes.

That annoying part of me warned against it, but I couldn't stop myself from saying. “Yes.”

* * *

I was sufficiently intoxicated. But I was managing it well, it was tomorrow morning that would suck, when I would have to nurse the inevitable hangover, but for the time being I just had a warm and fuzzy feeling that just made everything a little more fun and slightly hazy.

It was that warm and fuzzy feeling that had given me the courage to ask Bucky if he wanted to leave with me. Still wasn’t ready for a relationship, but casual sex was definitely now on the menu after spending time with him. His good looks also helped. I hadnt had casual sex since college, despite Iris constantly encouraging it, but tonight I planned to make her proud. But it still had taken an inner pep talk to get myself to do it.

 _Just do it, Jade, you’ve already kissed him, and frankly it was the best kiss of your damn life. The man is hot and if he has sex like he kisses you’re a goner. He’d be the perfect one night stand. And you deserve this._ My inner conscience always seemed to have Iris’s voice whenever it was a bad idea.

He took my hand and lead me out of the club, not bothering to say goodbye to Thor, out into the cold night air of NYC and right into thicker tension between us. There was a brief awkward moment where we had to decide where we were going and it was Bucky who had offered his place. I agreed, telling myself that him not knowing where I lived was a good thing, and I wouldn't have to go through the motions of getting him out after. He hailed a cab easily and gave the driver his address.

My heart raced so loudly that I could hear it in my ears. We were close enough that our legs were touching and I could feel the heat radiating off of him, aimed right at me and inviting me in. My skin tingled with anticipation. I don’t think I had ever felt like this, not even with Patrick, even in the beginning.

The silence was killing me, and I tried to think of something funny or clever to say, to end the silence or lessen the tension. I turned to him, and it was then he found his own courage, whether from the many beers or whatever he had been drinking out of his flask, or his own inner motivational pep talk, and he kissed me. Hard and passionately, knocking the breath right out of me.

My body melted into him as a wave of heat washed over me and an ache grew in between my thighs. His hands gripped me tightly, one on my ribs, the other at my hip. I felt dizzy suddenly and I didn’t know if it was from his steamy kiss or the 5 martini’s I had.

“I don’t… I don’t normally do this,” I said pulling away from his mouth, panting. I didn’t want to stop kissing him, but I needed air and I felt like it needed to be said.

He was panting too, licking his lips. “Neither do I… but, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’d never pressure you-.”

“No! No. I… I want to do this,” I blurted hurriedly.

He smirked. “Good.”

He pulled me back to him, mouth finding mine, and the hand on my hip drifting down to my thigh. My legs which I had been holding closed, hoping to lessen the ache, parted shamelessly to allow him access. His hand travelled there slowly, fingertips brushing over the tops of my thighs and then the sensitive skin of my inner thigh, leaving goosebumps in their wake. I gasped into his mouth when his fingertips brushed the outside of my panties, just the barest skim of his fingertips, but still it sent a jolt right through me.

The cab came to a halt sending us both apart. I had almost forgotten we were in the cab to begin with. I fixed my clothing as Bucky paid the driver and I realized just where we were.

“You...live here?” I asked as I stepped out of the cab, taking the hand he offered to me.

It was the Avenger’s compound. The large and expensive headquarters and living place of Earth’s mightiest heroes. And he lived here. _Who the hell is this guy?_

“Yeah,” he answered, leading me to the entrance.

“Are you an Avenger?”

“Not...exactly, no…” he looked at me over his shoulder as we entered the building and he lead me to the elevator.

“But...you live here?”

He nodded, pressing the elevator button. The doors opening right away. “Living quarters please, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Right away, Sergeant Barnes,” came a disembodied female voice with an Irish accent. 

I jumped and Bucky smiled, putting his hand on the small of my back. “It’s alright. That’s just Stark’s computer thing. She runs the building. Say hi to Jade, F.R.I.D.A.Y.”

“Hello, Jade.”

“Uhh...hi…”

That was going to take some getting used too for sure. It was a little creepy, I suddenly felt like I was being watched. I was thankful that elevator ride was short, even though the tension was high. The doors opened and Bucky held out a hand stopping me as he looked out at the darkened area the doors had opened too. He held up a hand to his lips and stepped off the elevator looking around before beckoning me to follow. I was guessing he didn’t want to wake any of the Avengers. I quietly stepped off the elevator, tip toeing until we reached his door and he ushered me inside and shut the door behind us, locking it.

I was surprised to find that his room was neater than what I had expected. There was an unmade king sized bed with a black comforter and red sheets, a desk with a neat stack of composition books, a flat screen hanging from the wall, a mini fridge and microwave. Everything a single bachelor needs in his room.

A hint of anxiety crept up my spine when I realized just where I was and what my intentions had been when I came here. I was about to have sex with what could be described as a stranger.

_Okay, Jade, this is fine. This is...good…_

“So this is me,” he motioned to the room and gave a small nervous chuckle.

I walked over to his desk, taking in the stacks of composition books, _does he journal?,_ trying to play it cool, even though my heart was racing. “It’s...nice…”

An awkward silence fell on us and I rapidly began to lose my nerve. _This is ridiculous. I am in a strangers bedroom for god sake. So what if he’s hot and we’re at the Avengers tower. Am I really going to sleep with him? What if he doesn't have any condoms? What if I am terrible at this? This was a bad idea-._

In three quick steps Bucky was standing in front of me, already breathing heavily, making me tense in surprise. He looked down at me with a hunger in his eyes that made my nerves light up.

“I’d really like to kiss you again,” he breathed.

My breath stopped right in my throat, but I nodded slowly. As nervous as I was, I startlingly realized that still I wanted to do this. _Thank you liquid courage._ “Permission granted,” I whispered.

He kissed me hard and fast, taking control over the kiss, leaving me no choice but to relent to his dominance. The anxiety that had filled me moments before slipped away to be replaced by desire. We were moving until my butt hit the desk, Bucky blindly kicking the chair out of the way, toppling it over, his arm swiping his composition books to the floor, the lamp falling over, he lifted me onto the desk. My legs fell open until the tightness of my pencil skirt stopped them and I reached down, hiking my skirt up to my hips which Bucky grabbed and used to pull me forward so he could step into the space between my thighs, pushing his erection right into my core.

* * *

Testosterone. Adrenaline. Need.

It was rushing through me heatedly, amplifying the fire that she had ignited in me. I had been nervous about this, worried that I was going to hurt her, that this was a bad idea, that I should tell her to run while she still had the chance. But as much as I wanted to send her away, I wanted to take her that much more. Even if it was just this once, even if I never saw her again, I wanted this one time to remember, to pull me out of the dark pit I usually resided it.

I had wanted to go easy and slow, to make sure that I took my time, but her kiss sent me into a rapid frenzy. It’s been a long damn time and I had to admit I was feeling needy and I was harder than a rock, and perhaps it’s the alcohol or the length of time, but if I don’t get inside of her I swore I just might die.

She hiked her skirt up, pulling it up her smooth brown thighs and I gripped her hips, pulling her to me so her legs wrapped around me. She gasped into my mouth, pulling away from my kiss, letting her head fall back when I pressed my erection right at the apex of her thighs and pleasure raced up my spine. _Fucking hell._ I couldn’t help, but go for her throat, kissing and licking the saltiness of her skin, restraining myself from leaving marks even though I want to mark her, just so that everyone knows for at least one night she was mine.

Her hands went for my belt and my fingers clumsily undid the buttons to her blouse while trying to keep my mouth attached to any skin it could reach. She had my belt undone and jeans unzipped faster than I can get her blouse open and she reached in, taking me in a firm grip and stroking from base to tip. I groaned at the pleasure from her touch.

“Holy shit, Bucky,” she said in surprise.

I smiled against her skin, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard that in regards to my size, and it never ceases to make me feel a little smug. I finally got her buttons undone, just as I felt a frustration and urge to rip her blouse open, I pushed the shirt down her shoulders. It bunched at her elbows, exposing her, and I reached up with my metal hand, yanking each cup down until her ample breasts spilled out and my mouth closed over her nipple. Her hips jerked towards me, one hand gripping my shoulder to steady herself while the other continued to stroke me.

I moved to taste her other breast, reaching between her thighs and brushing her panties. They’re soaked and it makes me groan in need. I pushed the material aside, slipped two fingers right into her wet heat, sending her back into an arch and getting a cry from her lips. She’s hot and wet and tight and my dick somehow gets harder. Her hips started circling desperately, riding my fingers, her walls clenching and throbbing.

“Bucky,” she gasped, her eyelids fluttering. “God...please....”

“Fuck, Doll, you’re tight,” I groaned as I pulled my fingers out and pushed back in feeling the walls give and squeeze me.

“Please tell me you have a condom,” she lifted her head, looking at me expectantly, impatiently, and a little drunkenly.

Thanks to my overly informative and concerned friend I did. An unopened box of them sat in my bed side table drawer. _Thank you, Steve._ I nodded, still working her with my fingers.

“Get it. Hurry,” she demanded between heavy breaths.

I reluctantly pulled away from her warmth and touch, going for the drawer and ripping the box open, spilling condoms all over the inside of the drawer. I glanced over my shoulder at her to see if she had seen my clumsiness. She hadn’t moved, still sitting on the desk amidst the mess, leaned back on her hands, looking up at the ceiling, breasts still out. And even disheveled, she was a vision. I opened the condom, threw the wrapper carelessly onto the night stand, somehow managing to slip it on without even looking while walking back to her.

 _Okay, Barnes, you got this._ I took her by the hips, pulling her to the edge, her ass nearly hanging off. _It’s been awhile, but it’s just like riding a bike._ Her hands gripped my shoulders, legs wrapped around my waist, my tongue in her mouth. _Just don’t hurt her and everything will be fine. Slow and steady wins the race._ I took hold of myself, rubbing my aching head up and down her dripping slit a few times before I pushed into her entrance.

She cried out, loudly, so loud I swore the whole building would hear, but all I could think about is how hot, wet, and tight she was. My eyes rolled when I bottomed out, her walls holding me in like they don’t want to let go. Pleasure flooded me and I chased the long forgotten feeling, drawing back and pushing forward again, delighting in the way she gasped my name.

I did it a second time.

A third.

And then I came.

It hit me hard and fast with no warning, white light flashing in my vision, making me go rigid as I spasmed and spilled into the condom with a long grunt.

_Oh for fucks sake._

* * *

_Oh you’ve got to be joking._

Bucky slumped against me, holding up some of his weight with his hands on the desk. He was breathing heavily into the crook of my neck. I didn’t move, waiting for him to recover.

He lifted his head slowly, looking down at me with a face full of embarrassment. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, shaking his head. “It’s been a long time. A _really_ long time.”

“It’s.. it’s okay.” It’s really not. I’ve never been so turned on in my life and this was not the ending that I expected. Especially not from a guy who looks like him and kisses like him and has a penis the size of his.

“Can uh… can I just have a minute?” He asked hesitantly with an arched eyebrow.

I nodded. “Yeah. Sure. Of course.”

He stepped backward, withdrawing from me and tucking himself back into his jeans. He smiled apologetically before turning for a closed door that I assumed was the bathroom. He disappeared inside, shutting the door and I could hear the faucet turn on.

I slipped from the desk with a frustrated sigh. Fixing my blouse and skirt. _Okay. So it wasn’t what you expected, but good for you for having the experience,_ I told myself. _Just thank him for a nice, but short evening and go home and finish the night with your B.O.B and some ice cream. As iris says they can’t call be winners._ I began formulating a goodbye, one that I hoped wouldn’t be too awkward when I heard the bathroom door open. I turned to find him standing in the doorway, his jeans redone, but I could see a dampness to his hair and face where he had probably splashed it with water.

“Hi,” he said softly leaning against the door frame.

“Hi,” I answered. I felt breathlessly suddenly when I noticed the hunger hadn’t left his eyes. 

“I really am sorry about-.”

“No, Bucky, it’s fine. Really.” As disappointed as I was, I didn’t want to make him any more embarrassed or the situation anymore awkward. Especially when he seemed genuinely apologetic. Maybe it really had been a long time, although with a guy that looked like him I found that hard to believe.

He nodded, falling silent, running his hand through his hair.

“I guess I should...go,” I said slowly moving to pick up my clutch from where it had dropped to the floor.

He straightened, taking one step toward me. “Do I still have permission to kiss you?”

I hesitated at the question. “Oh...umm...yes?” I supposed a kiss goodbye wouldn't hurt. He was a damn good kisser.

I took a deep breath as he approached, expecting a quick chaste kiss. His hands came to rest on my hips, pulling me against him. I looked up at him in surprise seconds before he kissed me. The kiss wasn’t gentle, it was fiery and passionate, the same intensity it had been on the desk. The arousal I had felt before quickly returned and I forgot about wanting to leave.

“I don't want you to go,” he whispered across my lips.

I was no longer going anywhere. I was staying right here in his arms, wrapped up in his warmth, especially if he kept kissing me like that.

“I’m really, really, really, sorry,” he continued between kisses, his mouth traveling down to my throat. “That was embarrassing.” His hands were everywhere, kneading my breasts, squeezing my ass, pressing me into him. Soon I was dripping again, panting and heated.

“You…you… god, you don’t have to apologize, Bucky,” I managed to get out.

“No, Doll, I do,” His fingers were undoing the buttons to my blouse again, with far more skill this time. He pushed my shirt open and down my shoulders, the material falling to the floor. His mouth followed down to my bra, one hand smoothly undoing the clasp at my back. He pulled it down my arms and tossed it over his shoulder. “You deserve much better than that pitiful performance.”

My legs trembled as he gathered up my breasts in his large hands and sucked at them greedily. “Oh fuck,” I gasped.

“Let me make it up to you?” He asked, trailing kisses and licks down my stomach, dropping down to one knee.

I nodded feeling too drunk with pleasure and liquid courage to find words.

“You gotta use your words, Doll,” He unzipped my skirt, pulling it down my hips along with my panties. I stepped out of them allowing him to gather up the material and toss them away too. He left my heels on, kissing my thighs. “That way I know you really want it.”

Oh I wanted it. Really bad. And I prayed the second performance was better than the first. “Yes, please, make it up to me,” I whimpered.

He rose to his feet, taking me by the hips and turning my back to the bed. He gave me a gentle push until I was falling backward on it. He was on me not a second after, kissing me slow and deep until he was sitting up and kneeling on the ground beside the bed, spreading my legs so that those vast shoulders could fit between them. I was practically hyperventilating with anticipation, my fingers digging into the comforter and my eyes shutting.

I felt his lips first, kissing gently up and down my slit before his tongue slipped between and laved over my clit. I moaned loudly, my thighs resting against his shoulder and my heels in his back. He was certainly making up for his terrible performance, his fingers slipping inside to slip in and out in time with the swirl of his tongue and send pleasure through my whole body. Something quickly began to brew in my pelvis, something that felt dangerous and overwhelming and had my toes curling. I started to squirm and his metal hand came around my hips, his palm splaying out over my pelvis and applying pressure to keep me still.

“Don’t you move,” he growled. “Keep your legs open.”

I tried to be still, but my body had a mind of its own. I couldn’t stop my legs from trembling.

“Bucky...fuck...I’m gonna…” I tried to warn him, but couldn’t get the sentence out before that something brewing in my pelvis burst and pleasure surged through me.

I cried out loudly, drowning out the groan of pleasure Bucky made as I gushed against his fingers. He didn’t stop, if anything he was more enthused, kissing and licking and sucking with a new urgency, his fingers never stopping. The orgasm that had started to descend shot back up rapidly, washing over me again until I was mewling and writhing, my eyes watery and my breath coming out in heavy pants. He didn't raise his mouth until I went limp, spent, and trying to regain feeling to my limbs.

“How am I doing so far?” He huskily asked, kissing his way back up my body.

I huffed a laugh. I had never cum that hard before, not even during sex, and he had managed to make it happen with his mouth. “Fantastic,” I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled his mouth down to mine.

In a hurried rush he discarded his clothes, trying to keep his mouth on mine all the while. He had grabbed another condom, sheathing himself, he flipped our positions, leaving me straddling his pelvis. I took a second to stare at how fit and marvelous his body was. I couldn’t stop myself from smoothing my hands down his toned torso, noticing the way his muscles rippled under my touch and a groan rumbled from deep in his chest. I was usually hesitant about being on top, liking to leave the reigns to my male partner, but I was full of anticipation and impatience for him to fill me in any position, and that view was pretty damn good.

“We can stop anytime, Doll,” he said mistaking my pause for more apprehension.

I shook my head. “No. Let's do it.”

He took hold of my hips, lifting and guiding me over him. He didn’t make a move after that, allowing me to take control and sink down on him at my pace. I did it slowly, very slowly, giving myself time to adjust where he had not earlier. His breath caught sharply and I gasped, bracing myself on his pecs, feeling impossibly full and stretched to my limits. I took him until I could take no more, stilling above him and my eyes closing while I tried to adjust to the overwhelming sensations coursing through me.

“You okay?” He asked, voice low, fingers digging into my hips.

“Yes. I… I just… need a minute.” My voice was shaky and breathy.

I could feel _everything._ Every inch, every throb, every vein. It was almost too much, feeling more intense than it had on the desk, I was a little scared to move.

“You gotta move, Doll, you're killing me,” he groaned after several long seconds, teeth clenching.

I didn't feel ready, but I moved anyway, rocking back and forth on him feeling the pleasure surge. It started out slow until we were both gasping and moaning, Bucky tense and strained beneath me, his hands opening and closing repeatedly on my hips as though he were trying to keep himself from moving or hurting me. Everything else had slipped away, it was just us, the warm fuzzy feeling and the pleasure which was quickly building and threatening to completely take me over.

“Oh god,” I groaned feeling seconds away from falling into a thousand pieces. “Shit I’m… I’m…”

“Cum. Cum for me right now,” Bucky demanded in a gruff voice.

I did. Loud and shivering and cursing. My fingers leaving half moon imprints in his pecs. Something snapped inside of Bucky, sending him propelling forward to a sitting position, his arms wrapping around me as he thrust upward, his mouth ravenously kissing, licking, and nipping at my exposed chest and breast. I was instantly right back on the precipice, teetering dangerously on the edge of the pleasure abyss.

“Ah… god… fuck Bucky,” I stuttered between gasps unable to do anything besides wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for the ride.

“I’m gonna cum,” he warned, thrusting harder, teeth clenched and eyes dark. “Be a good girl and cum with me.”

Two more thrusts and we were both tumbling right over that edge together, my name on his lips and his on mine, hands gripping and bodies going rigid as the pleasure wave crashed over both of us. Bucky fell back onto the pillows, taking me with him until I was slumped against his chest, both of us breathing heavily.

“Jade?”

I couldn’t move. I could barely think. “Y-Yeah?”

“Still with me?”

“Yeah… yeah… I’m good…” He checked in a lot. Something I was definitely not used too. But I was beyond good. I had entered a new realm. A realm where sex was amazing and I had experienced multiple orgasms in one session. I was exhausted and spent. Seconds away from falling asleep. _I should definitely not fall asleep here…_

_Okay maybe a quick 5 minute nap._

I felt him tense beneath me. “Jade?”

_Never mind he’s going to ask me to leave now. ‘Take your multiple orgasms and get out.’_

“Do… do you uh… maybe want to get breakfast in the morning?”

My eyes snapped open in surprise, but I felt a smile creep across my face. Sure I hadn’t felt ready to start a new relationship, but I had to admit that I liked the guy. And after seeing what he could do in the bedroom how could I possibly pass up another night of this?

“Yeah actually… I would…”

* * *

I shouldn’t have wanted her to stay. I shouldn’t have asked her to breakfast. But I wanted too. I told myself to blame it on the Asgardian brew that was still giving me a warm and fuzzy feeling, or the post orgasm high that I hadn’t felt in over 50 plus years, but I knew it was because I liked her. And I wanted to get to know her. And sure there were consequences of that, the threat of Hydra always loomed over me like a dark cloud, but I deserved a chance at normalcy. Or at least that’s what Steve was always saying.

So I let her stay, drawing her into my chest after we both cleaned up, drifting off quicker than normal. And when I woke an hour later, finding her beside me, her legs tangled with mine, still feeling warm and fuzzy, I took her again, slow and sweet and sleepily. She felt too amazing not to partake again.

It was that third time that really wore me out, that sent me into a dreamless deep sleep. The last thing I thought being, _this is the start of something good._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a sequel! Bucky and Jade’s story is not finished. So be looking for that :)


End file.
